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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My girlfriend ditches my hen to go with husband to stag do: AIBU to consider dis-inviting them to the wedding?

379 replies

Restlessandwild · 06/08/2017 20:24

Still trying to process but there it is. Last night was my hen do. Same time as my DHTB stag. All arranged long ago in my home town. Said friend invited to hen do, her DH to stag. They don't know my DHTB well but we have been friends since late teens (am 30yrs old). Her husband confirmed stag do attendance straight away. She made excuses (kids, etc) reg my hen. Today I find from other stags, etc that she actually tagged along with her DH with the stags?!? The only one there not a stripper and a wife, etc. Feel terrible, since they are essentially MY friends, but I had no idea. Just feel like picking up the phone and telling them to get lost and not bother coming to the wedding now... AIBU?

OP posts:
AssignedMentalAtBirth · 06/08/2017 23:19

OP

She is not worth the hassle. But you don't need to be upset a week before your wedding. So just try to enjoy your week and don't fret about her. You can sort it out, or not, after it all. Don't disinvite her, that will be more drama than it's worth but if you need to quietly drop her afterwards, then do it then

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 06/08/2017 23:20

In the giddiness of signing off I forgot to say if she does come I bet she turns up in a look at me dress and does something attention seeking.
May the blue bird of happiness fly up your fundament
Ofwit
Still queen.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 06/08/2017 23:25

She'll come dressed like this Grin

kittybiscuits · 06/08/2017 23:25

Could someone who saw @fankwank 's deleted comment please PM me?

Kindest regards
K.M-F.Biscuits

haveacupoftea · 06/08/2017 23:28

She's a bit batshit, but uninviting them is bridezilla territory.

Kind Regards,

H.A Cupoftea

chipscheeseandgravy · 06/08/2017 23:29

Friend of mine took her dp along to a hen do. They (the hens) were all due to stay in the hotel, so she brought dp as they 'fancied a night away' Hmm. She actually expected one of the hens to share a room with her and her dp..... Needless to say the bride doesn't speak to this friend any longer and the destination wedding was awkward as fuck Grin.
Maybe ask her why she went? Feel sorry for your dp if her presence ruined the stag do.
I'd never in a million years attend a stag do with my dp... I'd relish the night of peace and quiet GrinWink

sheldonesque · 06/08/2017 23:37

I didn't see it either kitty

Think your chum is out of order op but I do feel the issue is between her and her man and not you.

I remain, Ma'am, your obedient servant,

Sheldon, Esq ue

Shadow666 · 06/08/2017 23:46

@kittybiscuits I suspect it was the comment telling a certain member to fuck off.

Beadieeye · 06/08/2017 23:48

These hens ain't loyal

Motherofterriers · 06/08/2017 23:49

I'd meet her for coffee and ask why she couldn't get childcare for your hen do but could for the stag.

Yours aye
M.Ofterriers

Head Girl, 1970

buttercup54321 · 06/08/2017 23:52

She doesn't trust her partner. I would just ignore the whole incident and get on with your wedding tbh.

kittybiscuits · 06/08/2017 23:52

Thanks @Shadow666 . Dunno why it was deleted then - just said what everyone else was thinking.

HelpPlease1990 · 06/08/2017 23:56

I love the fact OP is ignoring all of the sign off nonsense Grin

Cordially,
PH, 1990's cutest baby award

timeisnotaline · 06/08/2017 23:58

I couldn't not point out how rude she has been to you though, otherwise you are letting her keep pretending she wasn't - I'd reply 1. They weren't fine actually, just very polite. 2.what about the part where you lied to me to not come to my hens? Am I supposed to be ok with that? Do you even want to come to our wedding? Would rather some honesty this time if you can possibly manage it.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/08/2017 00:00

Exactly what butter cup said !

Just focus on the fact you are marrying the man you love , have a great day and

Fuck this shit

CircleofWillis · 07/08/2017 00:03

chips what happened? Were they made to book their own accommodation? Did the DH get to join in the hen activities?

Rainbow dust and kitten fluff,
Countess C o'Willis
GSOH
NS
LD
BDSM
100% attendance award, Michaelmas Term, 1978.

YouOKHun · 07/08/2017 00:12

As others have said, she absolutely can't trust her DH and monitoring that trumps your hen night. Really rude of her but I think there's something going on between her and her DH.

Yours faithfully
YouOKHun MA Cantab MSc TeaMaking Badge, Brownies, 1976

OfficerVanHalen · 07/08/2017 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eatabagofdicks · 07/08/2017 01:06

I don't think it has anything to do with not trusting her husband. She clearly has tickets on herself and wanted to be the centre of attention in a group of men. Why hang out with a bunch of women who aren't interested in her attractiveness? She thought all the men would go home at the end of the night saying 'Xyz's wife is so hot and fun, lucky bastard'. Instead everyone thought she was a dick.
I would either disinvite her (depending on what you think her behaviour will be like at your wedding), or completely distance myself and drop the friendship after the wedding. You could always reply to her message, set her straight and see if she takes herself off your guest list.

All my best,
Eat. Abagofdicks

MsGameandWatching · 07/08/2017 01:12

I've never been on a hen do and I do not intend to start. That said I wouldn't dream of turning up at the stag do.

Really though I am only posting to sign off. Maybe this will completely catch on!

Yours Hopefully,

Ms G A Watch.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/08/2017 01:41

I would reply something like, 'to be honest, I'm disappointed that you, as my friend, chose to not be there to celebrate with me. I'm actually a bit worried about you - has dp done anything to make you have trust issues about him. I'm here to listen when you're ready.'

^ this

Kind Regards

K.S t Drinks
Nothing to my name at all
but I can touch-type, so bite me all of you taping away on your phones with auto correct!

Fauchelevent · 07/08/2017 02:17

Wow for all the talk of "she must be one of those women who only get on with guys attention seekers" there's a lot of strong loaded words here, "bitch", "batshit" "cunt".

Whenever women talk about "other girls are so jealous of me" it's - to me - a huge red flag that someone is extremely insecure. She doesn't sound like a bitch or a cunt, she sounds like a woman whose insecurity has become her to the extent she's not being a good friend to you. It's not a good thing at all, and not necessarily your problem. But hardly a super villain. Then again you know that the biggest crime a woman can commit is seeking attention and being needy.

Fauchelevent · 07/08/2017 02:19

Yours righteously indignantly,

Mlle. C. Fauchelevent

(Oooooh now it's getting a bit french lit)

Fauchelevent · 07/08/2017 02:28

I also just want to say I clicked on this thread expecting an entirely different, way more scandalous thread where you were having the nerve to criticise your girlfriend for ditching a hen night with you to go to a stag do for her own marriage. It's late and I forget straight women call their friends girlfriends!

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 02:58

Restlessandwild this is not very nice at all. However, i'd not throw away a friendship at this time.

I'd simply text or email, others were bothered by having a woman uninvited who turned up at the stag do, and I was very insulted you choose to go to the event you were not invited to instead of the one you were." or words to that affect.

I am guessing she either doesn't trust her husband, or prefers male company because women are not always nice to her due to her stunning looks (I mean that most sincerely).

I think if she realizes she has upset you she will apologize.

Then I'd leave it, life is too short.

Enjoy your happy day.