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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to book a flight home

128 replies

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 17:18

Hey everyone
I am on holiday at the moment and I am 4 nights into a two week break at a villa in Italy. This is the second holiday we have had a way as a family as a complete blended family (we have been together for 4 years. I have my two children ds 17 and DD 16 and my Stepsons 16 and 14.

My eldest step son is making the trip hell for me, he has been difficult in the flight by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

He has had frequent rows with his younger brother and my son and he is reluctant to go out with us for meals in the evenings or on family activities. He is putting a downer on the holiday. I am constantly having to deal with the arguments and I shouted at him and got combative with him (I know it's wrong). This caused a rift between me and dh. I just want to get away from this holiday hell.

OP posts:

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 17:23

Got combative?

angelnix · 06/08/2017 17:25

YABU that you wouldn't allow him to sit with his dad on a flight tbh

FaFoutis · 06/08/2017 17:26

Can you split up in the day time to give everyone a break from each other?

Sirzy · 06/08/2017 17:26

I don't get how he would have been set next to you and you next to your dh yet it wasn't possible for You both to sit next to him?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 06/08/2017 17:27

YABU that you wouldn't allow him to sit with his dad on a flight tbh

Not if she's a nervous flier. I'm better than I used to be but I wouldn't want to sit apart from DH on a flight.

Demander · 06/08/2017 17:27

If you can't be tolerant of a mans difficult son then you shouldn't marry that man. It's tough for kids when their parents remarry. Surely you know that.
As for you wanting to sit by your husband and resenting a son wanting to sit by his dad. Well, grow up.
You're not being unreasonable, it's way worse than that, you're being childish nasty and spoiled.
I guess your children live with you and new husband and his children live apart from their dad.
This reads like you want husband and your kids to be family and his kids to vanish, thatsnthe sort of attitude that gave rise to the image of the wicked stepmother.
My partner has grown kids from his first marriage they we only 7 and 10 when I met him. That was over 20 years ago. Their childhood disappointment at not living with their dad was sad and difficult. They were not the easiest teenagers. But I put them first, we cared for them, understood them, stood up for them and to them. Loved them.
They are my favourite people!
You need to start being a step mum and stop being a jealous wife.

LIZS · 06/08/2017 17:29

Why is your dp not dealing with his son's behaviour. You'd be better not to rise to it and present a united front together. Is there enough to keep the teenagers busy, ideally separately.

Demander · 06/08/2017 17:30

Pink sparkly. Nervous flyer? It's just no excuse.
I mean absolutely none.

Sirzy · 06/08/2017 17:31

Also if your that much of a nervous flyer then surely booking a flight home isn't an option either way?

Bellybootcut · 06/08/2017 17:32

I can't understand the seating issue either. Pls elaborate?

DonaldStott · 06/08/2017 17:33

Did he actually want to go on the holiday in the first place? That would have been the last thing I wanted to do at 16 years old.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 06/08/2017 17:35

Pink sparkly. Nervous flyer? It's just no excuse.

You're obviously not a nervous flier but believe me it is an excuse. Up until recently I wouldn't have been able to get on the plane without someone giving me a shove and I certainly wouldn't have coped with a flight on my own.

Anyway OP, you're a stepmother so don't expect any sympathy on here. TBH, your DH should be dealing with this and not letting his son act like this.

TinselTwins · 06/08/2017 17:41

Arrange for him and his dad to spend some quality time away from you.

You don't have to do everything together
Sounds like he's missing quality time with his dad, which he's not getting with you around because you always want everything to be everyone

Go off on your own some days, do different things, let the teens do things without the adults, let your DPs kids do things alone with their dad, and do things alone with your kids

Holidaying with others doesn't have to mean living in each others pockets

At our last holiday there was a BIG group of extended family, like 30 of them, their set up was perfect: all went off in small immediate families during the day and met up in the evening for big communal meals and drinks and catching up on what the others did that day! Do that maybe? split during the day for activities and just join for meals in the evening?

VulvalHeadMistress · 06/08/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TuttiFruttiCutie · 06/08/2017 17:41

I'm guessing 2 rows of 3 and he sat between OP and her DH?

mummytime · 06/08/2017 17:41

Demander - you did see the step son is 16? Perfectly old enough not to sit next to his Dad.

user1498911589 · 06/08/2017 17:44

Nervous flyer or not, YABU. I'm a nervous flyer yet I am capable of flying alone and have done many, many times. You just learn to deal with pilots who think they can land at the end of the runway the trials and tribulations and be an adult about it.

happypoobum · 06/08/2017 17:45

What was the seat configuration? Aren't they usually in threes? Or were you not in cattle class?

If you are so nervous you have to sit next to DH, how are you going to get home?

This is not the first thread I have seen this summer from step parents holidaying with teenagers who aren't theirs and struggling.

I do sympathise. Living and holidaying with my own teens is hard enough, I wouldn't choose to do it with anyone elses

Teenagers mostly do not want to hang out with you on holiday. You are not cool. Nobody in their family is cool. They are all special you see.

if he doesn't want to do family activities or dine with you, so what? Leave him to it. Unless there is a big drip feed coming it doesn't sound like he is being rude to you, but just being a typical moody teen.

If he is actually bullying the other DC then his father should deal with that in the first instance.

Were your expectations maybe a little unrealistic about how this holiday would pan out?

lljkk · 06/08/2017 17:45

If he would be happy to mooch around a villa all day on his own while rest of you go off & do stuff -- then let him.
I have so BTDT with teenagers. They do in holiday villa exactly what they would at home. This is a holiday for them , so all good.

I am in my own private holiday Hell so sympathies there.

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/08/2017 17:46

If he won't go to dinner then the rest of you should go and leave him in the villa.

I don't understand the seating on the plane. He wouldn't sit next to you, wanted to sit next to DH - does that mean there 3 seats in a row and you insisted on sitting in the middle rather than letting DH. If so, then yabu! Also if he is not a resident child in your household would it have hurt to let him sit with his Dad for a couple of hours flight (if seating not as I imagine above).

If you got physical with him (combatative?) then no wonder DH is annoyed with you.

I would suggest you have a short time away from the family, discuss with your family, apologise if necessary and then get on with the holiday. I'd love to be in a villa in Italy right now!

melj1213 · 06/08/2017 17:47

he has been difficult in the flight by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

Could you please elaborate on this OP as I don't understand how it wasn't possible for you both to sit next to your DH? Assuming that you were in a standard 3-3 plane combination, and the other three children are all also teenagers so were safe to sit together in the other three seats then why could your DH not have sat in the middle seat and you and SS either side?

He has had frequent rows with his younger brother and my son

So just split them up?

he is reluctant to go out with us for meals in the evenings or on family activities.

So leave him behind? If he doesn't want to go out to eat with you, then leave him at the villa. Provided there's some food so he can make himself a sandwich or something, then he's not going to starve. If he doesn't want to go on family activities, again leave him behind as I'd rather have a lovely day out missing one family member rather than a miserable day out because that family member was forced to come along.

CatsGoPurrrr · 06/08/2017 17:48

'Got combative'?

Is this a euphemism for hittImg him?

YAbu. Poor kids.

Fairenuff · 06/08/2017 17:49

OP you need to clarify what 'got combative with him' means. Did you get physical?

Mrscropley · 06/08/2017 17:50

Yabu not to have laughed at a 16yo having a tantrum because he couldn't sit with his df
... Nervous flyers need reassurance. .

MsGameandWatching · 06/08/2017 17:54

Hmm, there's a real influx of grown women posters on here at the moment who seem to want their husbands to act like their Dads rather than their step children's. maybe it's the Summer Holidays?

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