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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to book a flight home

128 replies

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 17:18

Hey everyone
I am on holiday at the moment and I am 4 nights into a two week break at a villa in Italy. This is the second holiday we have had a way as a family as a complete blended family (we have been together for 4 years. I have my two children ds 17 and DD 16 and my Stepsons 16 and 14.

My eldest step son is making the trip hell for me, he has been difficult in the flight by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

He has had frequent rows with his younger brother and my son and he is reluctant to go out with us for meals in the evenings or on family activities. He is putting a downer on the holiday. I am constantly having to deal with the arguments and I shouted at him and got combative with him (I know it's wrong). This caused a rift between me and dh. I just want to get away from this holiday hell.

OP posts:
DonkeyOil · 06/08/2017 18:37

I'm quite able to 'function autonomously' in most cases but, when it comes to planes, blood tests and injections, I need someone with me.

Ok, maybe 'function autonomously' was overstating it a bit, but the op wasn't expected to sit completely on her own. Presumably she would have been with one or other, or both of her dc? It just sounds quite......needy to have to sit with her dh on a flight, to the extent that she's blaming her dss for wanting to do exactly the same thing with his father. Maybe dss is a nervous flyer?

LIZS · 06/08/2017 18:45

Agree with donkeyoil. Why should op's needs override dss? I'm getting a sense of deja vu though, , perhaps not op's family unit, with similar scenarios posted on mn about conflict between teen step siblngs which has got very physical and nasty.

gillybeanz · 06/08/2017 18:45

Hardly nervous if you could fly home alone Confused
It sounds like he doesn't want to play happy families with you, but came because he wants to be with his dad.
I really hope you didn't hit him, because he could press charges against you.
Maybe you should fly home and allow the rest of the family to enjoy themselves.
very apt nn. Very basic.

pieceofpurplesky · 06/08/2017 18:50

So both of your DP's sons wanted to sit by him and you had to sit with your DCs?
You are not a nervous flier or you wouldn't be contemplating going home alone.
BUT the major issue here is what does 'combative' mean. To me it means physical/fighting. If this is the case your OH should have sent you packing ....

happypoobum · 06/08/2017 18:55

by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

From this it sounds like you were in at least a row of three. Can you explain why DP couldn't sit in the middle so that you could both sit next to him? Did it occur to you that DSS might be a nervous flyer and not want to admit it?

I originally missed the bit about being Combative. Can you explain what you did/what this means?

I was holidaying overseas with friends from the age of 16 and my own teenagers have done this from the age of 17. Why would DSS not be allowed to stay home alone?

You sound pretty controlling.

Guavaf1sh · 06/08/2017 18:58

There are few things worse than hideous family holidays gone wrong. That sort of scenario seems like it could happen to kids or step kids much the same. Family holidays that work out seem rare. I'm guessing combative does not mean actual violence as that obviously changes things massively. Otherwise just suck it up, let him have his space, ignore the bad and concentrate on the good and it should minimise the pain.

Lovemusic33 · 06/08/2017 19:04

It sounds like hell, 4 teenagers on holiday Shock

My daughter is a nightmare on holiday, she moans, she refuses to take part in things and cries if I ask her to try something new. I pick my battles. If he doesn't want to do something then let him stay at the apartment and do his own thing, will save you all having a shit day.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 06/08/2017 19:06

You got combative with him?
No excuse unless you were defending yourself from him attacking you in the first place.

MrsBobDylan · 06/08/2017 19:07

I can't begin to address any of what you've written until I understand what getting combative means to you, op?

EdmundCleverClogs · 06/08/2017 19:07

I'm guessing combative does not mean actual violence as that obviously changes things massively.

The op says she 'shouted and got combative' with her stepson, so whatever it was sounds more than the usual argument. To me combative means 'physically' especially when shouting is mentioned separately, though it would be good if the op to clarify as this is quite a serious point.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/08/2017 19:10

I am constantly having to deal with the arguments and I shouted at him and got combative with him (I know it's wrong).

YABVU

'Combatitive' means you have gone way over the mark!

RhubardGin · 06/08/2017 19:29

combative

You attacked your DSS?

blackteasplease · 06/08/2017 19:35

I also don't understand why your dh couldn't sit in the middle so you could both sit beside him. And presumably other children were in a different row.

If it was that your dh "had to" have the aisle so only one of you could be beside him them he is the unreasonable one, not you or dss.

Catchytune · 06/08/2017 19:36

I thought combative just meant Op actively engaged in the arguing, in a bring it on" type way.
I would hate to do anything with my own family for two weeks let alone some blended version.
You won't have many more family holidays anyway as they are all of an age to do their own thing.

MadMags · 06/08/2017 19:40

You're a nervous flyer who is willing and able to fly home alone?

If you put your hands on his son, I hope he dumps your arse.

ThePinkOcelot · 06/08/2017 19:48

Don't think OP is coming back to explain combative!!

VulvalHeadMistress · 06/08/2017 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nydj · 06/08/2017 19:56

I can't see where the OP says anything about wanting to fly back alone - just that they want the holiday to end wand wants to fly back.

LIZS · 06/08/2017 19:57

That's also how I had interpreted it Catchy. Not physical more verbal sparring. Not clear though.

Original poster
BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 20:19

No we had 3 seats, 2 seats and 1 seat. We were not all together. So I ended up sitting on my own.

Combative as in verbally I wouldn't dare hit a child let alone a 16 year old.

We don't force him to do anything but it would be nice to go out as a family.

OP posts:
Original poster
BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 20:20

I am a nervous flyer I carry diazepam on flights.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/08/2017 20:21

So why did you say he refused to sit next to you? That makes no sense with what you have just said?

Original poster
BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 20:25

On the plane he refused to sit next to me

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/08/2017 20:26

If your a nervous flyer why would you have wanted someone you obviously dislike sat next to you though?

VulvalHeadMistress · 06/08/2017 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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