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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to book a flight home

128 replies

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 17:18

Hey everyone
I am on holiday at the moment and I am 4 nights into a two week break at a villa in Italy. This is the second holiday we have had a way as a family as a complete blended family (we have been together for 4 years. I have my two children ds 17 and DD 16 and my Stepsons 16 and 14.

My eldest step son is making the trip hell for me, he has been difficult in the flight by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

He has had frequent rows with his younger brother and my son and he is reluctant to go out with us for meals in the evenings or on family activities. He is putting a downer on the holiday. I am constantly having to deal with the arguments and I shouted at him and got combative with him (I know it's wrong). This caused a rift between me and dh. I just want to get away from this holiday hell.

OP posts:

TinselTwins · 06/08/2017 20:28

Have you apologised for your verbal outburst?

We don't force him to do anything but it would be nice to go out as a family
Yeah! but every night ?
and maybe he thinks it'ld be nice to go out with his bio family occasionally, just because you're blended doesnt' mean you all have to stick to each other like glue now whether anybody likes it or not

MadMags · 06/08/2017 20:30

But what do you mean he refused to sit next to you?

You, dh and dss could have taken the three seats with dh in the middle?

rollonthesummer · 06/08/2017 20:31

No we had 3 seats, 2 seats and 1 seat. We were not all together. So I ended up sitting on my own.

But you had a seat on its own-so someone had to sit there. It makes more sense to have an adult sitting on their own than a child/teen.

Nearly10to9 · 06/08/2017 20:33

i know its labouring a point, but if he would have sat with you, then how could you have sat next to DH as well?? this is hurting my sunday night brain

EmeraldIsle100 · 06/08/2017 20:38

I dont know why posters are obsessing with the seat issue so much. We get the picture. Sounds tough OP. The only advice I can give is to encorage your DH to spend as much time with his own kids as possible. They need time with their dad on their own without you. You can enjoy time with yours and all meet up later.

You are the adult here and teenagers can be an absolute nightmare. You are not the Waltons and you don't need to be together all the time.

Presumably you spend every night with your DH. Let the kids enjoy themselves with their dad or on their own with one another.

Lighten up and enjoy the rest of your time.

Original poster

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 20:40

Because I wanted to sit next/near dh

OP posts:

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 06/08/2017 20:41

Ok, maybe 'function autonomously' was overstating it a bit, but the op wasn't expected to sit completely on her own. Presumably she would have been with one or other, or both of her dc?

I suppose I was looking at it from my circumstances, we don't have children so if I don't sit next to DH I'm on my own! I hadn't thought that OP would be sitting with her own children.

Things like this make me glad that DH's children are adults!

Original poster

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 20:42

Have you apologised for your verbal outburst?

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him. He called me some terrible things too in front of my dc.

OP posts:

SpartacusSaiman · 06/08/2017 20:44

No we had 3 seats, 2 seats and 1 seat. We were not all together. So I ended up sitting on my own.

So sit in the row of 3. With dh in the middle.

I dont get your op as you said combative as an add on to an argument.

What is verball combative?

MadMags · 06/08/2017 20:45

You could have sat in the three seats!

FWIW your dh sounds useless!

SpartacusSaiman · 06/08/2017 20:45

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him. He called me some terrible things too in front of my dc.

You are the adult ffs. Act like one.

LIZS · 06/08/2017 20:46

Your dc are probably old enough to recognise such an outburst for what it was. You really need to be the adult and not just wait for him to make the first move. You haven't yet clarified your dh stance on all this.

Sirzy · 06/08/2017 20:46

I feel sorry for the other three children stuck trying to enjoy their holiday with you two both behaving like babies

melj1213 · 06/08/2017 20:47

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him.

Because you're the adult and therefore should act like it and suck up the fact he said some horrible things and initiate a conversation so you can move forward?

Perhaps if you go to him, away from everyone else and talk to him like an adult, he might respond better and once you have apologised for your behaviour (because apologies are deserved when you have behaved badly, regardless of if the other party apologises too) perhaps he will also concede that he behaved badly, but at the very least you have done all that you could do to improve things and the ball is in his court.

Then stop trying to force him to participate in things he doesn't want to!

TinselTwins · 06/08/2017 20:47

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him.

BE.CAUSE.YOU'RE.THE.ADULT!!!!!!

You want him to see you as family/his step mum? then you have to ACT like an adult family member not another teenager!

You are expecting him to demonstrate good behaviour that you cannot demonstrate yourself!

rollonthesummer · 06/08/2017 20:47

Who do you think should have sat on their own then on the single seat?

I'm not a step parent, but I wouldn't make one of my children sit alone on a flight. DH or I would sit alone so they wouldn't have to and I am also a nervous flier.

TinselTwins · 06/08/2017 20:50

Poor kid

Useless dad who lets his partner call him "terrible things"
And you!

You sound like one of those American bible-belters who demands "respect" from younger people but gives younger people zero respect!

sweetbabboo · 06/08/2017 20:51

In future pay for prebooked seats so you can ensure that all 6 are together or at least in a block.

Nearly10to9 · 06/08/2017 20:52

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him.

BE.CAUSE.YOU'RE.THE.ADULT!!!!!!

its so tough OP, i get you dont want to be the one who apologises but he's not going to and in the aim of making it a better holiday, then just bite the bullet and suck it up and do it. Yes its not 'fair' when you feel its not all your fault, but be the grown up even though its not fair

EdmundCleverClogs · 06/08/2017 20:53

Basic You really do sound quite petulant and argumentative. If a teen (especially not your own) is trying to start an argument, you walk away. You let his father deal with it, you do not escalate the situation as you will lose any 'moral high ground'. I suggest you apologies to him, at least one of you will be acting like a grown up in this situation.

How is your relationship with your stepchildren usually? If it's usually quite good, I would put it down to tiredness/heat causing him to act out (not excusable but perhaps a reason). If you're usually 'butting heads', I'd be wondering why on Earth you decided to all go abroad together and insist everyone try to get along, that would be an inevitable disaster before even leaving the house.

Nearly10to9 · 06/08/2017 20:55

EmeraldIsle100 Sun 06-Aug-17 20:38:56

I dont know why posters are obsessing with the seat issue so much

because it doesnt make sense .....
op said - DSS didnt want to sit next to her, which meant OP couldnt sit next to DH

if DSS would have sat next to OP that means there must have been 3 seats, at which point the DH could have sat in the middle of the DSS/DH/OP

its just confusing on a sunday night is all

happypoobum · 06/08/2017 20:56

How were the other three people in your party seated?

It just comes across that you have to have your own way and expect to be top dog.

I feel very sorry for all the children in this family. Stop trying to enforce all this false family togetherness on them and let them do their own thing.

They would probably much rather have had money to go away with their mates than had to go away with you, or just to go away with their biological parent. Can you not give DSS some time alone with their dad and see if that helps?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/08/2017 20:58

No he hasn't apologised to me, so why should I apologise to him. He called me some terrible things too in front of my dc.

Err you did too apopulation nd you are supposed to be the adult.

Because I wanted to sit next/near dh

He wanted to sit next to his dad.

HTH.

RhubardGin · 06/08/2017 20:59

I'm starting to understand why your DSS may have issues with you, you're coming accross as bit childish and a drama queen.

You're the adult here, he's a stroppy 16 year old!

What does your DH say about all this?

Roomster101 · 06/08/2017 21:00

If you are a nervous flyer and need to sit with your DH why are you considering flying home by yourself? Also, how do you know that your stepson doesn't feel nervous about flying too.

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