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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to book a flight home

128 replies

BasicBitch123 · 06/08/2017 17:18

Hey everyone
I am on holiday at the moment and I am 4 nights into a two week break at a villa in Italy. This is the second holiday we have had a way as a family as a complete blended family (we have been together for 4 years. I have my two children ds 17 and DD 16 and my Stepsons 16 and 14.

My eldest step son is making the trip hell for me, he has been difficult in the flight by refusing to sit next to me and wanting to sit next to his dad despite that meaning me and dh couldn't sit together and I am a nervous flyer.

He has had frequent rows with his younger brother and my son and he is reluctant to go out with us for meals in the evenings or on family activities. He is putting a downer on the holiday. I am constantly having to deal with the arguments and I shouted at him and got combative with him (I know it's wrong). This caused a rift between me and dh. I just want to get away from this holiday hell.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/08/2017 21:01
  • you did too and.... Is what that is supposed to be.
TinselTwins · 06/08/2017 21:03

If you have special requirements during the flight, why wasn't that planned for and explained to the rest of your travelling companions before you got on the plane

This makes me think that the "nervous flyer is just drama queen-ness

I've travelled with real nervous flyers, I've been well aware how nervous they were before getting on the flight! They've also been clear about their needs in advance

If you throw "BUT I'M A NERVOUS FLIER when you don't get the seat you want ON the plane, after being happy as larry in the run up to getting on^ the plane, most sensible/logical people will just ignore you and your drama!

Daddystepdaddy · 06/08/2017 21:05

YABU

Being 'difficult' and refusing to engage in family activities is pretty much standard operating procedure for a 16 year old boy.

TeachesOfPeaches · 06/08/2017 21:05

4 teenagers in a blended family forced to share a villa for 2 weeks sounds like hell on earth

cushioncovers · 06/08/2017 21:10

4 teenagers in a blended family forced to share a villa for 2 weeks sounds like hell on earth

Agree completely

ComradeHelveticaBlack · 06/08/2017 21:15

So many obnoxious arseholes on this thread.

Glumglowworm · 06/08/2017 21:19

yabu

You should apologise first because you are supposedly the adult.

You're acting like another petulant teenager and DH sounds like a drip who isn't dealing with the behaviour of the actual teenagers.

katronfon · 06/08/2017 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nearly10to9 · 06/08/2017 21:34

ComradeHelveticaBlack Sun 06-Aug-17 21:15:26
So many obnoxious arseholes on this thread.

well... that was a useful and helpful comment....

bbcessex · 06/08/2017 21:49

Sorry it's not going well for you OP.

My own teenagers are often bloody nightmares and we have no blended family issues on top so I completely sympathise.

My advice.. Pick your battles and let most of them go. Make up with your DH.. reconcile with Step son and say you're going to try harder (grit teeth silently) and let him do whatever he likes... if he wants to come out for meal.. great. If not.. also great.

Focus on the kids who DO want to do things but don't ostracise / judge those who don't.

It's a holiday. Let everyone relax in their own way.

Good luck.. I hope you get some enjoyable moments xxxx

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 06/08/2017 22:34

Can we stop fixating on the bloody nervous flyer thing! Yes we get it, most of you aren't nervous flyers, I'm not myself, but I would never be dismissive of someone who was and who needs medication to get through it fgs.

OP, what is your DP doing to see it his son? Sounds like he is being deliberately obstructive and rude to you, is his dad actually doing anything about this?

Wrt him not wanting to eat or go out with you all, just leave him to it. Make the most of it with everyone else and leave him to his grump.

I went away as a blended family but it involved (step sibling) children and I was an adult. Never. Again. It was a bloody pita!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/08/2017 22:55

Can we stop fixating on the bloody nervous flyer thing! Yes we get it, most of you aren't nervous flyers, I'm not myself, but I would never be dismissive of someone who was and who needs medication to get through it fgs.

I am a very nervous flyer and have to take medication before flying. I still wouldn't cause a row over one of my DSC wanting to sit with their DF.

So many obnoxious arseholes on this thread

Aren't you delightful Hmm

SpartacusSaiman · 07/08/2017 06:04

Yes we get it, most of you aren't nervous flyers, I'm not myself, but I would never be dismissive of someone who was and who needs medication to get through it fgs.

I am. I also take medication. Still the OP is the one causing the issues.

frumpety · 07/08/2017 06:53

Basicbitch 0 Stroppy teenager 2

You are not going to win this war OP , teenagers are the kings and queens of strife and discord . If I were you I would take him to one side and apologise for losing your cool with him as it wasn't very grown up behaviour , don't expect an apology in return though . Then get on with enjoying as much of your holiday as you can Flowers

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2017 06:53

I wouldn't be dismissive of the nervous flyer thing except the OP clearly did manage to fly without being sat next to her DH. And her response to not enjoying a holiday with 4 teenagers (which I appreciate could be a huge nightmare) is to ponder about flying away from it all. Which sounds like a matter of her needing to put on her big girl knickers a bit more often rather than actually needing to sit next to her DH. Especially since the way to reduce such anxieties is normally through exposure.

On the seat issue, since they had a row of three seats, I'm guessing the DH refused to sit in the middle seat, so there was no way for OP and DSS to sit on either side of him.

OP despite my dismissiveness about your nervous flying, I am sympathetic to your nightmare holiday. Whether you're a nervous flyer or not, he was being a dick about the plane seats and he sounds less than delightful as a holiday companion. But I do agree with others, the solution is to have fewer expectations of your DSS and let things go more.

SabineUndine · 07/08/2017 07:05

I'm really wondering where the DH is in all this.

I agree with a lot of other people, the OP sounds like a teenager herself.

Clandestino · 07/08/2017 07:17

DH was a nervous flier, in fact he was shitting himself every time he had to fly. Then he got a job (much better paid etc) where he has to fly frequently. He quickly got over it.
That said, looks like you're not the most tolerant side either. Sounds like your DSS is trying to be close to your DH but he can't. How about you give them some space, organise an activity for you and your children together, take the younger SC and let them have a day together?

emilybrontescorset · 07/08/2017 07:36

My advice if you are a nervous flyer is to pay the fee to sit together on the plane. Whilst I sympathise either you op, if this was my dcs on holiday with their dad and his wife and her kids and one of my dcs was treated like this on end plane I would be livid,
I would expect my dcs to sit together or with their dad. I would be bloody furious if they were forced to sit apart to accommodate the new wife.
Why are you dealing with your step son? Surely that is the non of your dh.
Why not ask everyone what they wouldime to do that evening g and hi with the majority,
If your step son doesn't want to be with you the. Accept it but again it is his fathers jon to sort, not yours.
Finally, why people book villas for teenagers is beyond me. Surely a hotel with food included and lots of other teens their would have been the sensible choice.
Without being rude this typical stroppy teen only has his younger sibling, step siblings and dads wife to socialise with. I can see why he might want alone time with his dad.
It isn't a great combination for a teenage boy no matter how much you and his dad want it to be.

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 07/08/2017 07:48

Wow. Why is everyone laying into the OP?

OP, the problem is clear. It's a combination of him being a PITA teenager and the fact that he resents your presence in his family.

Unfortunately it's for your DH to step up and tell him that whatever his feelings it's not ok to call you names and be nasty to you like that. They also need to have some serious conversations about the marriage breakup so the kid can come to terms with it. It sounds tough for both of you but only your DH has the power to solve it.

donajimena · 07/08/2017 07:55

OP you are clearly on my holiday from last year.
How I got through was just doing my own thing with my children. Without drama. Such as saying to OH that I was taking mine to XYZ and we'd see him later.
This year we are going together but in separate accommodation. We'll do a few trips together and I have an list of things I want to do. I've been clear we won't be spending all our time together.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/08/2017 08:15

Unfortunately it's for your DH to step up and tell him that whatever his feelings it's not ok to call you names and be nasty to you like that

Its certainly not ok for the OP to do it either!

Genghi · 07/08/2017 08:27

At 16 he should expect that if he shouts at an adult and gets aggressive, most aren't going to take it lying down. If your dh didn't like that then he should have intervened before it got this bad.

I think personally that you shouldn't have to have anything to do with him if you don't want, or spend any money on him. If your dh wants to spend all his time on him let him, you focus on the other kids.

WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 07/08/2017 08:27

I feel sorry for the DSS. Watching his dad live with/raise another family must be so hard, so having two weeks away with him must feel like such a treat and wanting to sit next to him on the plane is understandable. You need to cut him some slack, OP, and be the adult in the scenario by apologising first. If DSS still responds negatively, then get his dad to deal with him so that way you don't have to feel like the wicked SM all the time.

TestTubeTeen · 07/08/2017 08:37

OP, it does sound stressful, but you need to be the adult and rise above it.

I don't know what the circumstances of your marriage, and more to the point his parents split, were, but this lad will not have come into this blended family without insecurities around you v his Mum, his Dad living with 'new' sons.

He is a teenager, you are an adult.

If he doesn't want to join in, let him sit it out.

Send all the teens out on their own for a pizza.

Leave them with food and go out with your DH. let DH spend some time just with them.

He sounds jealous of you, and vice versa.

Demander · 07/08/2017 10:57

So many obnoxious arseholes on this thread.

Really! :)

So what do you think is the answer.

Swipe left for the next trending thread