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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move out because of his attitudes to food?

384 replies

MuckyWindows · 06/08/2017 08:28

I moved in with DP in May. It's been a fucking nightmare since as he just eats innapropriately and it drives me insane.

Example, yesterday we bought curry and rice, a packet of popadoms and a pickle tray from ASDA as a treat meal for the night as we were child free. We get in, start putting shopping away, I go back to car and then come in to see him munching through the popadoms whilst he puts the shopping away! When he sees me he gestures for me to tuck in. I say "what are you doing?? They were for tea!" And he replies "well it doesn't matter does it? It's only a couple of hours away" - it was 2pm!!i was really pissed off ASD I was looking forward to that meal and because he'd eaten them, the pickle tray was now useless.

He does stuff like this all the time! A few days ago he munched through a bar of baking chocolate that I had bought to actually bake with.

I follow a strict diet and so buy protein drinks and protein bars. I'm also vegetarian so need this stuff to hit my goals. Whenever I go to the fridge the drinks have all gone. He just drinks them one after another "because they're nice". I've explained that they are meant as a one a day thing and he just says "I know but they're so moreish!" With a stupid grin. This means there is never any for me.

The protein bars are expensive and you only get four in a box. They're meant to last me all week. Friday he ate one in his packed lunch, one when he got home from work and went to get one after tea. I snapped and called him a greedy cunt - he said I was over reacting. Since I've moved in here my diet is all over the place because there is never anything in. He eats everything of mine. He even eats my quorn stuff and he's not a vegetarian!!! It's stressing me out so much I want to leave. He thinks it's a massive over reaction and that I should expect to share food when living with someone but this isn't sharing, it's him eating every fucking thing!!!!

OP posts:
cardibach · 06/08/2017 12:37

This is almost totally off topic, but I really, really dislike the negative language around eating I see on MN: gobble, guzzle, snarf, shove in his/her face... they are eating. Stop with the value laden stuff.

hiphopcat · 06/08/2017 12:39

Why the F does the OP sound like a 'right bitch?' Confused

Are you posting on the wrong thread @Shannith

FelicityFucknickle · 06/08/2017 12:40

You sound like a right bitch.
Ah, the OP's greedy, theiving DP is here in between snacks

RhubardGin · 06/08/2017 12:42

You have issues with rude and sound quite aggressive.

If my OH called me a greedy cunt I would leave. Talking to someone in that way is pretty disgusting.

You two aren't suited.

RhubardGin · 06/08/2017 12:42

Issues with food*

Pollydonia · 06/08/2017 12:43

I did Cambridge a couple of times. Meal replacement. My daughter ate 3 of my meal replacement bars as a snack. So a full days food that had cost me £9. I lost my shit, he never did it again. He was 13. If a young teen can learn from his mistakes then a grown man should be able to .

Pollydonia · 06/08/2017 12:44

*ds, not daughter. She knew better !

rookiemere · 06/08/2017 12:44

Some of the responses on here are truly bizarre. Shanniths will be gone soon, but OMG, the temerity of a woman actually wanting to have the food that she has specifically bought, to be available for her.

Also the making of the "Deliciously Ella " am I the only one who gets the rage at those two words? protein balls and hiding thereof in the freezer. Firstly OP has protein bars , she doesn't need to make them. Secondly old greedy guts DP will likely see her making them and them going in the freezer so will make sure he snarfles them from there.

And yes if people take food that is meant to be shared with others or is specifically for others I see no reason not to use perjorative terms, because their behaviour is selfish and greedy - not so much with respect to eating the food, but in leaving the other person nothing.

theporcinegrappler · 06/08/2017 12:46

Come back thread starter we have questions we need answers

HeyRoly · 06/08/2017 12:48

I can't believe the OP is getting such a hard time. He sounds like a greedy manchild and eating HER stuff despite being repeatedly asked not to is disrespectful.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone with that much casual disrespect for me.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:49

I think one of you has done food issues and it's not him OP - sorry

Anyone saying this is mad. He eats ALL of her food. He eats everything in sight, leaving nothing for her. He eats her special food after her asking him repeatedly not to.

He's a selfish cunt who has no respect for you, OP. It will show itself in other ways too soon enough.

FledglingFTB · 06/08/2017 12:53

On the lower end of the scale here, but as someone who lives with a human dustbin and often buys specific foods that I KNOW do will not like/eat. It is incredibly frustrating.

The inconsideration is what stands out form the OPs post, if you're hungry and finish off the bars, fine. But - replace them, make the OP aware, put them on the list.

Making the effort to plan ahead and then finding someone is consistently running those plans would drive anyone batty

pictish · 06/08/2017 13:04

Everything you've described would piss me off. It's greedy, disrespectful, selfish and extremely unattractive. If that makes me uptight about food issues as some are trying to suggest (even though I know it fucking doesn't), so be it. If I say, 'that's mine' and someone tree-shreds through it with no apology, that greedy bastard can gtf.

jarhead123 · 06/08/2017 13:05

I don't think you are being U. But this post makes me wonder whether I have food issues too !

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2017 13:06

Yeah - it's not even just about the food, is it - it's about the lack of respect for Your Stuff. He wants it, he doesn't give a flying fuck that it's part of your carefully planned intake, he's just going to eat it and Fuck You! And then fucking grin about it, like he's just such a lovable rogue - no he's not, he's a disrespectful, thoughtless, selfish, entitled wanker.

Bin him off. His attitude to you and your food stinks.

FelicityFucknickle · 06/08/2017 13:07

yy Pictish

Lockheart · 06/08/2017 13:12

My dad is the exact same. No self-control or respect for other people's food.

There are numerous incidents (for example, I once bought 2 nice puddings for us as a treat, making it clear there was 1 each - when I got back from my shift the next day, guess what wasn't in the fridge?) and it's at the stage now where my mum and I hide food. It's amazing how much longer a pack of biscuits lasts when it's hidden - if my dad gets hold of a pack of biscuits I can guarantee they'll be gone within the next 24 hours. One year he ate a lot of the Christmas chocolates the week prior without our knowledge. Then spent most of the day complaining there was no chocolate he liked (I circumnavigate this now by buying myself only white chocolate as he doesn't like it so I know it's safe).

I am very thankful I no longer live there, and that I know my food is where I left it.

I don't think the OP is BU at all - until you've had to live with someone who is so disrespectful and greedy you don't know how maddening it is. Try meal planning and working to a budget when you have someone who doesn't give a shit and eats whatever they want!

user1492528619 · 06/08/2017 13:13

OP, that would seriously be unbearable to live with.

Once or twice would be an accident and just getting into routine with one another's habits and boundaries. Repeatedly, is complete disregard for your feelings.

This is more than food, this is the principle, this is greed and is very disrespectful and I bet is emulated in other parts of your relationship.

If this can't be addressed then you need to rethink the relationship if it distresses you so deeply.

FledglingFTB · 06/08/2017 13:17

I also don't think the OP is unfair to worry about her diet, as living with these traits does affect you. My DP said only the other week that he's ruined my eating habits. I realise that sounds like an excuse, but I eat quicker, my portions have increased and I've lost interest in cooking/planning. It feels like I'm trying to make sure I get my share, and I resort to easy stodgy meals because I CBA to plan anything, by the time I get to the day half of the ingredients have gone anyway.

We are both working on this, the dismissive reaction of your partner is very unreasonable

Usernamegone · 06/08/2017 13:17

I feel your pain OP. DH and I go shopping together and each pick whatever treat food we want. Quite often DH and I buy a tub of Ben and Jerrys each. DH gets home and spends the next 48 hours gobbling down all his treat food for the month. I go to the freeze thinking oohhh I fancy some of my Ben and Jerrys's and find it isn't there. Every fucking time. DH has eaten all his treats within 48 hours and because I wait 4 days before I fancy some ice cream he's eaten it as 'I hadn't eaten it, yes I hadn't eaten it as I don't spend 2 days binging in treats and wait until I fancy something. FFS the corner shop is 30 seconds walk from our house where he can buy more ben and jerry's!

AdalindSchade · 06/08/2017 13:18

OP you're not in the wrong. He's a greedy twat. The poppadoms would have done my head in.

StraffeHendrik · 06/08/2017 13:21

Oh no, mine does this kind of thing although not as bad as OP's partner, and he would be sorry if I pointed out that he had ruined the dinner etc (although, I don't think he would remember not to do it again).

For example he likes cheap milk chocolate and will eat the whole bar at once - I like expensive black chocolate but will eat a bar one square at a time over a couple of weeks (and so spend less on treats overall, not that we are on a tight budget anyway). It's particularly maddening as he doesn't even really enjoy my stuff when he is eating it, he's just having it because there is none of the cheap stuff left!

My solution is to order loads of the cheap stuff he likes and stack it in front of my stuff in the fridge/cupboads. Since he, like OP's DP, just grabs the first thing his hand falls on, he won't dig into the back of the fridge to find 'my' food (which he doesn't like as much anyway). Problem solved!

roarityroar · 06/08/2017 13:26

I would hate this. I hate greed and lack of self control in a person, I would lose all respect for the selfish fucker

BhajiAllTheWay · 06/08/2017 13:27

OP I can relate and I think it's a control issue as well. My ex had form for this. When I had awful morning sickness there was literally a handful of foods I could eat..mostly plain such as biscuits or ready salted crisps. Yup ..even though there were so many other things in the house, they'd all be gone. My mum brought me some rich tea one day...he ate them she was disgusted. He'd also eat the kids little snack packs eg milyway stars by tipping lots into one packet to appear only to be having one....Angry

Atenco · 06/08/2017 13:28

Every year there's multiple posters who have eaten their dcs Easter eggs and had to buy again, same with chocolates for Christmas

I'm over it now, but when my dd was little I had to tell her to hide her sweets away from me.

This man is definitely in the wrong in this. But is anyone perfect? He could be wonderful in every other aspect, for all we know. But I can see him becoming horribly obese and costing a fortune.

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