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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are you a feminist?

999 replies

NoLoveofMine · 06/08/2017 02:03

Yes or no...

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 14:24

Surnames?

I kept my surname when I got married. That was my choice. Everyone has the same choice. To say it's some sort of patrichary is bizarre. Nobody is forced to change their name. When you introduce yourself you just say whatever name you prefer to go by. Confused It's not the law you have to change it, many women choose to.

Fellati0Hornblower · 06/08/2017 14:26

That is not what I am saying at all. What I am saying is that if someone STARTS a thread it is poor form not to return. Feminism is irrelevant there.

But actually what I was really meaning is that I worry that looking for issues where they don't exist can alienate people. It can turn them off, become boring and present the impression that it's just feminists harping on again. Are there not enough examples of women on this thread who dislike the label and seem disengaged? That's their choice as autonomous human beings but it makes me sad. I am of the view that the battle is nowhere near being won and I wish we could all stand together on the really big issues (e.g. Male violence) but if people are alienated and bored by constant irrelevant bombardment then they don't want to engage. I worry about the obfuscation of the bigger picture.

Icantreachthepretzels · 06/08/2017 14:36

It's not the law you have to change it, many women choose to.

Why is that? When it so rarely occurs to a man to change his name on getting married?

Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 14:42

@icant

Because they choose to

Are their husband's following rhem around shouting "No your Mrs. Y every time the women introduce themselves"??

Troutfin · 06/08/2017 14:44

Well of course I am: all the best people are! Smile

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 06/08/2017 14:44

I cannot contort my mind into a position where I can't see it as a feminist issue that most women 'choose' to change their names to their husband's on marriage, and, further, that society expects them to have made that 'choice', and yet men very rarely seem to 'choose' to do the opposite.

Arealhumanbeing · 06/08/2017 14:45

Yes. I hope for women's equality with and liberation from men.

Women are raped and murdered every day because they are women. When that doesn't happen anymore, anywhere, ever, feminism will have, "achieved it's aims".

Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 14:48

@seek

Would you deny women this choice?

As I saI'd earlier I didn't change my name and so far "society" has given no fucks about what my name is

itsbetterthanabox · 06/08/2017 14:49

Yes. I am a radical feminist.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 06/08/2017 14:50

I would question how fantastic a 'choice' it is when it's a choice men don't seem very interested in!

I'm not out to legislate or 'deny' either way - I'm just saying that the fact that it happens is a strong indicator of how sexist the world is.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2017 14:54

BertrandRussell

So do you think that men should be the one dictating the feminist agenda?

No I don't. But I think that feminists should at least admit what they are striving for. Instead of saying equality for all.

Icantreachthepretzel

Is it "shut up and do as we tell you"? or "stop talking and please listen"?

that would depend on which of the many different types of feminist is "talking"to you.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 06/08/2017 14:54

Mumof56

@icant

Because they choose to

Why? And why "Mrs"

Unless I'm thinking of marrying someone I have no need to know in advance what their current (or possibly former) marital status is. As I am a heterosexual female if I do need to know I will have to ask given "Mr" tells me nothing.

jellyfrizz · 06/08/2017 14:55

As I saI'd earlier I didn't change my name and so far "society" has given no fucks about what my name is

I'm genuinely surprised. The bank, my children's school (anything to do with the children in fact), my mother-in-law, relatives and neighbours all assume I'm Mrs Husband'sName until I tell them.

itsbetterthanabox · 06/08/2017 14:55

Mumof56. How can it be an equal choice when there is no male equivalent of Mrs.
Just because we have been doing something for years doesn't make it anymore sensible.

MsAwesomeDragon · 06/08/2017 14:57

Mum, men and women don't have equal choices in changing their names though. I chose to keep my name, as did my dh. I had literally hundreds of conversations about that choice, my in-laws in particular found my decision to be an insult to them, some colleagues thought I was just keeping my "maiden name" for work as surely my official name would be dh's name. Dh, on the other hand, had precisely zero conversations about his choice to keep his own name.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 06/08/2017 14:57

feminists should at least admit what they are striving for

You think there is a secret, singular, goal then?

orlantina · 06/08/2017 14:59

You think there is a secret, singular, goal then

Didn't you get the memo? Grin

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 06/08/2017 15:00

I guess not Sad

MsAwesomeDragon · 06/08/2017 15:01

Dh had a slight insight into my perspective of not liking being called Mrs HisName, as dd2's new school have us down currently as Mr and Mrs MyName.

MsAwesomeDragon · 06/08/2017 15:01

I didn't get the memo either :(

Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 15:02

@itsbetter

I used Mrs. because apparently some women are forced to change their name because their husband's follow them around correcting them every time the introduce them selves

I see you have conveniently forgotten "Ms"

Icantreachthepretzels · 06/08/2017 15:06

Because they choose to

well that cleared that up then! Ok slightly different question - what gave them the idea to do it in the first place? Seems a bit of an odd thing to do, live 20 odd years of your life and then change the way you want people to address you. In fact I can tell it's odd because 50% of the population never even give it a moments consideration - and if they did people would look at them askance.

I don't care if women want to change their name or not, or if men do, it's their life and their name - but lets not pretended that they chose this chooseful choice in a vacuum and that it was one they would have come to naturally, even if they grew up on a desert island. In fact forget desert island - they don't even do this is Spain.

name changing on marriage is a societal expectation that is limited to only certain societies, and a patriarchal convention - a woman has her father's name until she gets married and then she takes her husband - it denotes ownership of women. A man on the other hand just has his own name, I mean it was his fathers too, and his fathers before that, but it belongs solely to him and he wouldn't think to change it.

cheminotte · 06/08/2017 15:08

Yes of course!

itsbetterthanabox · 06/08/2017 15:20

Mum56
That made no sense.
Yes Ms exists.
What I said was- there is no male equivalent for MRS.
Ms is a female equivalent for MR. There still isn't a male equivalent of MRS.

Mumof56 · 06/08/2017 15:21

I'd love to know how many feminists have changed their name by seed poll to not have their parents name.

Claiming victim status because other women don't follow your choice to keep your name is bizarre.

Have you all made up surnames for your children? We wouldn't want Dad or Mum to be claiming ownership.