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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Lovingit81 · 07/08/2017 19:35

I think you need to be grown up about it. It's understandable that you are disappointed but it's a golf holiday and you don't like golf! Step aside and let him be a great dad. You have years ahead if you to holiday together. I think you need to pull on your big girl pants and stop pouting.

MsHarry · 07/08/2017 19:50

YABU. What a nice father, think it that way. if his son loves golf, imagine depriving him of that trip, what would you think of him. He would go down in my estimation.

Identity1 · 07/08/2017 19:52

Contrary to most other posts I think id be slightly miffed at not going - not really due to the fact he's going with his son more about what a fabulous location I was missing out on . Hmm however I think if I was his daughter right now is be bloomin fumin- unless OH is matching a trip for her too ?? However can't you and daughter go to if cost was split ? And just to throw something out there - not particularly to you OP but I have SC and children with DH, we work on the basis that everyone is equal and no one comes before anyone on the basis that were all as important as each Other.

MsHarry · 07/08/2017 19:52

Don't tag along. Let them have this time together, what a fantastic memory for them. DS would not want to be competing for his father's attention.

user1489675144 · 07/08/2017 20:02

Of course he should take his son on a golf trip/golf theme holiday he won playing golf.... great for him to spend time with his son on something they both love

YABVU - so you miss out on some shopping - big deal

JustMe77 · 07/08/2017 20:05

Yanbu......at all....and your feelings are understandable.

MistressDeeCee · 07/08/2017 20:11

As its a golf themed break he is right to take his son. You'd have to be a saint not to wish you were going too tho! So I understand how you feel OP but you'll just have to suck it up. Is there no way of funding a trip to Dubai for you and DSD to travel with them..? At least itd be cost of holiday for 2 not 4 so much cheaper?

Abbylee · 07/08/2017 20:11

We have 2 dc nearing adult: boy and a girl. If dad had a trip that only one liked, the other (has been) is fine. My kids' reaction is "why do i want to go? Hooray for sibling!" But both would feel unfairness if OP went instead of son. Sorry. Children leave home, grow up, you will have time alone soon enough. Children will NEVER forget if you go, sorry.

user1489675144 · 07/08/2017 20:12

I think the fact that you see it as a great way to do some shopping in the Dubai malls whilst he watches golf alone (golf competition was the point of the prize) whereas his DS will actually spend time with his father watching the golf competition with him .... answers it for me.

The son should come first - 1. because he is his son 2. because they share the interest of golf... 3. because the prize is to go watch a golfing holiday... 4. you should selfish thinking ..wow shopping trip and if you muscle the son out of this you will prove you are.

Let the son go with his father and you can go shopping elsewhere when they are away.

user1489675144 · 07/08/2017 20:15

oh heck typo's

watch a golfing competition

and

you soon selfish in your desire to do the shopping malls whilst he watches golf competition alone (would you really deprive your potential future step son of time with his father doing what they both love..???

I find this quite annoying - selfishness of the 'new' partner over the child - see it so often though

GColdtimer · 07/08/2017 20:22

YABU. Its a golf holiday, they both love golf, therefore he should take his son.

Also, YABU for wanting to go to Dubai at all. Dreadful place.

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 07/08/2017 20:41

While of course it's fine for him to take his son and, on balance, the totally right and reasonable thing to do - you are totally within your rights to be disappointed. I would be too. Plan a trip you can go on and enjoy X

Foxylass · 07/08/2017 20:58

You are nbu. I too would be upset and I'd explain this to my DH.
I'd say that I'm glad that he and his son can have a great time AND that his daughter is not going to feel left out....but could we also plan a 'family break'.
I can see this would seem childish and 'grabby' but I'd need my DH to know how I felt....otherwise it is like living a lie.

I am a step-mum. It is tough.

Trollspoopglitter · 07/08/2017 21:02

oh OP. So glad to hear you have been made to feel bt your partner that your opinion is more important to him than the opinion of his children's mother. In the real world, it doesn't actually matter as you have no parental rights. Maybe he's actually been a been too good to you as you're a bit deluded thinking a 6 year relationship gicen you any say in how someone else's kids are raised.

tangledup123 · 07/08/2017 21:02

You sound like a sulky child OP.

And the comments on here would be so much harsher if a bloke posted about his girlfriend winning a luxury shopping trip to Dubai. And how he was so pissed off that she was taking her daughter rather than him. Even though the daughter loves shopping, and the bloke would have spent the whole holiday watching golf while leaving his girlfriend to walk around the malls on her own.

limitedscreentime · 07/08/2017 21:14

YABU but...

Dubai is boring as shit. Nothing to 'du' but 'bai'. Have a nice holiday with him elsewhere and enjoy some time to yourself.

MsHarry · 07/08/2017 21:29

Love that limited Grin

MsHarry · 07/08/2017 21:30

Dubai has never appealed to me.What's the appeal?

MsHarry · 07/08/2017 21:30

*What's the appeal?

Dianag111 · 07/08/2017 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dianag111 · 07/08/2017 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MCamp10 · 07/08/2017 21:33

Why is everybody being so hostile to you? I don't think you are being unreasonable. It would have been nice (and respectful) for him to have discussed the issue with you beforehand and reached a mutual decision. There are no "shoulds" here and it's not black and white but it would have shown consideration and care for him to have thought about your feelings and opened the subject up for discussion.

Donttouchthethings · 07/08/2017 21:38

Wow! I really don't understand why some people on here get so arsey. There's no need for it.

Anyway... OP, I am a stepmum too. If this happened in my household, my dp and I would just have a chat about it. I would be really pleased for him that he won it and would probably be the one to suggest he takes his son instead of me. (Neither of them is into golf but you get the idea.) I'm not that keen on going to Dubai though but even if it was somewhere I wanted to go, it's only a few days and I would think it would be nice for them to share that time, especially given their shared interest.

However, if he arranged this with his ds without discussing it with me first, well, I would not be happy as that is not how we roll. (It's our way to agree these things between us first and that works for us.)

RubyThursday17 · 07/08/2017 21:41

You come across as a selfish 40 year old woman, who needs to grow up, get a job and focus on the children

Donttouchthethings · 07/08/2017 21:48

OP, I've just talked this through with my partner using his favourite band and hobbies as an example. Honestly, you couldn't pay me to go! Grin