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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
FedUPFTMum · 07/08/2017 17:59

YABU

user1498983411 · 07/08/2017 18:03

the question u need to ask yourself is would you even be asking this question if his son was your son. I think the answer would be no of course you would not. I think it's time you put your big girl pants on and grow up and be happy your partner and his son will having a once in a lifetime trip together!!

AlexRose5 · 07/08/2017 18:04

You are being a TAD unreasonable... and think about how you would voice your opinion on it?
Either your partner would swap his son out and take you instead, which will make you look rather selfish all round... Or he won't... and you'll look selfish anyway.
Best to take the high road on this I think. Wave them on on their lovely father son golfing trip ,and then put it to him that when he returns you both book a little break away . Just the two of you as a couple . Everyone wins .

Threenme · 07/08/2017 18:07

Yabu

BigPantyGirl · 07/08/2017 18:08

YANBU, I'd be pissed off too! I do think it's lovely that he's taking his son on a break to do with their shared hobby though. I think in your position I'd book myself and dsd a trip to Dubai if possible (it's amazing!) for the same weekend, or somewhere in the UK if that's too expensive.
There are some really mean comments on here, try to ignore them!

Maireadplastic · 07/08/2017 18:09

Funnily enough, my husband and I were talking about what we'd do if we won a competition that our middle child wanted us to enter- the prize is (two flights and hotels etc) to Dubai. Neither of us would contemplate going there- terrible human rights record, a holiday just to shop would be hell to both of us- so we didn't enter.

schoolgaterebel · 07/08/2017 18:10

He should definitely take his DS who shares an interest in golf, it would be very unreasonable if him to take you.

I think that you might be a bit more bothered about his 'men's golfing holidays' etc than you are admitting to yourself though, and maybe some of these feelings are tainting your view on the Dubai trip.

Mrstiggywink49 · 07/08/2017 18:19

Yes you are rather. You need to
realise and come to terms with the fact that his children will always come first. What sort of man would he be otherwise? I have lived with this fact for over 30 years....use the time to do things you like, catch up with old friends, a bit of beauty therapy etc the time will soon go. Don't under any circumstances make a fuss just accept and be glad he has the opportumity to have quality time with his son. His son will also thank you !

zeddybrek · 07/08/2017 18:19

YABVU

lanalawr · 07/08/2017 18:25

Maybe it was a phrasing thing. I would say you were BU to be pissed off but wouldn't BU to be disappointed. In your shoes I would be disappointed but would see that taking his DS was the more appropriate choice for this holiday. In his shoes, if I won a holiday involving an activity that DC liked but DH didn't, I'd take DC and expect him to do the same if it was a holiday involving something he and DC liked. If it was something more than two of the four of you were interested in then it would be a different kettle of fish.
I'm glad you're more comfortable with the situation now.

jocarter67 · 07/08/2017 18:27

I think you have a right to feel pissed off, but unfortunately I can see his point of view. You are going to get everyone sticking their own nose in if he takes you, maybe if you and his daughter get on ok you could both have a shopping break together. I know it would be nothing like Dubai, but it might take some of the disappointment away

BeauMirchoff · 07/08/2017 18:29

Good grief! Why oh why are some of you so aggressive in your tone? Seriously, no need to be so unpleasant. No need for the low blows and digs at OP. "You sound lovely" - how judgemental and childish. You don't know OP. Get off your high horses and be civil. None of you are perfect and sometimes we all can be a bit U.

OP, I understand why you feel the way you feel. But I guess it makes sense for your OH to take his son since he is also a golf fan.
And Dubai is overrated, go to Westfield Wink

AyUpMiDuck · 07/08/2017 18:29

YANBU to have wanted to be involved in the discussion and to be feeling disappointed.

I think there are some really judgy mean posts about it.

You were honest about your feelings and we should be a group of anonymous supportive friends giving you our opinion without being bitchy.
I totally understand that sometimes these AIBU posters get roasted and IMHO its not what this forum is for.

So, I understand- you would have enjoyed it, you like the idea of it and thought you would be his first choice as you are his partner but he thought golf + son . At 16 it's probably the last father and son holiday they will have together and it sounds like a brilliant opportunity for them.
Brace yourself for something similar with the daughter in a few years ;-)

Trampoline11 · 07/08/2017 18:32

So glad to hear you're ok about trip. do some nice stuff for yourself while he's gone. Daughter and mother can do their thing and you're free! x

user1499614791 · 07/08/2017 18:34

I know it's sucky, but yeah you are being a little unreasonable BUT I see why your gutted. I'm sure he'd love to be able to take you and his daughter along as well but this time it's just meant to be... have some great girlie time without them...

treacletoffee23 · 07/08/2017 18:36

I do get why you are initially peed off... but l feel when you have had chance to think you will realise what an honourable man your partner is and that by taking his son it will create some fab memories for them. Nothing replaces time together, and l feel for his daughter even though she has a present. Hopefully you have the rest of your lives together, plenty of time for holidays. One day his children will be grown and won't want to go away with him. Celebrate his win x

SherbrookeFosterer · 07/08/2017 18:38

Yeah you are, sorry!

Suck it up, don't resent him. His son is 15, loves golf and it must have been tough for him to adapt to his new living arrangements.

He needs his Dad on quality time with him at that tricky age.

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/08/2017 18:52

"My original post asked if I was being unreasonable to be pissed off about it? "

Am only half way through the thread, but (while I can see why you would be disappointed), I do think you are being unreasonable.

"I am and was pissed off because (and I fear I'm repeating myself) we're all equals. This situation is not equal?? "

The situation cannot be equal. That is not possible, because there are four of you in (that branch of) your family unit, but only two available golfing holiday places.

The two family members who are interested in golf are going. The two family members who are not interested in golf are not going. Unequal, but it cannot be equal. (A bit) disappointing, but certainly not something to be pissed off about.

The eleven year old has been 'compensated' a bit, by being given a gift, which perhaps goes some way towards mitigating some of her disappointment. Would it be helpful for you, in dealing with your feelings, if ... like the eleven year old ... you too were compensated by being given a gift?

I do have to say, I think your reaction is a bit childish, and I think you should suck it up and wish them bon voyage. Might be the last time they have real father and son time, on their own, before the boy's adulthood.

clarkl2 · 07/08/2017 18:54

I would be pissed off too. Can you not go halves on your flight to join him out there as a compromise?

Bluelonerose · 07/08/2017 18:54

If I'm reading right are you pissed off because you were just told what was happening? I would be pissed off then too as I wouldn't feel equal.
However if he had said "look I've won a golf trip. It's to dubai & I want to take ds coz he'll love it golf all day everyday I would take you but youde just be bored & on your own" I would think you were being unreasonable.
I would also look forward to the present when he returned

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/08/2017 19:04

"Can you not go halves on your flight to join him out there as a compromise?"

Would that not be particularly unfair on the daughter, clarkl2 ? Finding the wherewithal for three members of the family to go, but not the fourth member of the family.

Daydream007 · 07/08/2017 19:11

YABVU and selfish. He is being a great dad by rightly putting his child first.

2014newme · 07/08/2017 19:12

Yabu.
Shopping is a crap holiday activity. Mind you so is golf!

Liz68mustang · 07/08/2017 19:14

Why not dig deep into your pockets ( you say you work full time) and buy another 2 tickets to Dubai for you and the daughter. You can treat her, do you shopping, spend time with your other half. Win win

Wdigin2this · 07/08/2017 19:16

Well, obviously the right answer is...of course his son goes with him! But, I'd be pretty miffed too, it would be a chance of a lifetime holiday for the two of you, however you know you're going to have to suck it up, and get over it.
So, this is the part where you get out there, check out your mates who fancy a girly break, find a bargain....and go have a fab time.,

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