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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have said she's raising psychopaths.

568 replies

OohMavis · 05/08/2017 19:22

My friend and I have fallen out.

She has zero empathy for any type of animal or living thing other than herself and her children, basically. I find that utterly baffling and quite upsetting, and I don't think I'm unreasonable in that respect, but I might have overstepped a mark a bit by saying this, and I want some opinions.

She was here yesterday with her two children so our children could play together. They were playing in the garden, we were sitting out with them, chatting. DD came running to me, excited, saying she'd found a really big beetle, asking for me to come and see. She's 3 and obsessed with mini beasts. My friend's children overheard and came to see too. They ran ahead of me and my friend followed behind, by the time we'd arrived her son had STOMPED on this beautiful stag beetle (I think) and killed it Angry

DD was so fucking upset. Honestly, it was just such an unecessary thing to do. The kid is 7. It's inexcusable. I reacted, raised my voice a bit and said "Why did you do that?!" he just laughed and said he wanted to stand on it. I said that's a really nasty thing to do. Then bent down to see if he'd 'popped its head off'. He had, he was quite pleased with himself. His mother said nothing, I looked at her for a response and got a half-shrug.

DD was in tears by this point so I took her back to where we were sitting and friend joined me. I was comforting DD. She said, "I think they get it from me, they just don't like animals"
I replied, "well that's fine but they shouldn't kill them"
"Well it's not like it was a cat or something"
And this is where I got a bit angry and said "yes well it starts off that way doesn't it, with that attitude you're raising two psycopaths"

She was obviously offended. Sat there for twenty more minutes with a look on her face before making an excuse and leaving, awkwardly. Got a text later saying she thought I was completely out of order calling her kids psycopaths, kids step on insects and I'm overreacting. I didn't reply. She texted again telling me I'm a hypocrite since I'm not even vegetarian Hmm and she doesn't think she'll be coming again.

WIBU to mention the word psychopath. I was angry, it may have been over the top, but I still think it.

OP posts:
Bumdishcloths · 05/08/2017 22:44

Child sounds like a total shit, presumably based on the way he has been parented. I'd not be the least bit upset in not seeing them again.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 05/08/2017 22:45

I have friends who let their precious darlings torment birds by chasing them. I call them out every time. It's cruel and totally unacceptable. Also, I don't want my own dc to see me allowing it to happen.

counterpoint · 05/08/2017 22:48

You were absolutely correct to point out to this mum the possible outcome of her actions or lack of them on her children.

We're all in this together if we want a civilised society.

Isn't there some saying about how you can tell how advanced a society is by the way it treats its dogs and women?

PetyrBaelish · 05/08/2017 22:48

Putting aside whether killing the beetle was immoral, I think seeing a 3yo getting really excited about a creature and then stomping it dead in front of them is deeply cruel, whether it's a beetle or a hamster, and that's the really concerning thing to me.

I think it's good that you shook her with the psychopath thing tbh, even though it's obviously not good for the friendship!

BuggerFlip · 05/08/2017 22:59

I'd be livid. Stag Beetles are beautiful, precious and endangered. Fair enough she used a term in the heat of the moment but my god what hideous behaviour and attitude. My daughter (also 7) saw some kids throw a potentially dead but possibly stunned bird in a pond the other day and she was very sad and shocked. She came to tell me (we were camping) and even though she's not veggie (I am) she knows how v important it is to respect animals. YANBU

LakieLady · 05/08/2017 23:03

YANBU. He's a vile little shit and his mother's no better.

Stag beetles are fab. Real mini-monsters.

HighwayDragon1 · 05/08/2017 23:07

I'm no veggie, but just because I'd eat an animal doesn't mean I'd stomp on one for fun ffs! You are right OP, taking pleasure in killing or torturing animals FOR FUN is a worrying sign.

DD and I were rescuing jelly fish on the beach last week, the tide was going out and they were stuck on the sand. She's been stung before and wanted to leave them. But it's not nice to just let something slowly die when you can help it. Two boys came to see what we were doing and helped too, it was lovely. They swim so majestically.

Fresh8008 · 05/08/2017 23:12

I think this thread makes it clear that society doesn't think differently

And yet the same adults will happily buy slug repellent, use fly spray, or eat dead calf and lamb for their own pleasure? So how is it logical to chastise a child for doing what adults do everyday?

belmontian · 05/08/2017 23:15

with that attitude you're raising two psycopaths (sic)

OP YWBU. By all means call them out on stomping needlessly on an animal, however using the word 'psychopath' to describe her dc was totally uncalled for.

frieda909 · 05/08/2017 23:25

And yet the same adults will happily buy slug repellent, use fly spray, or eat dead calf and lamb for their own pleasure?

Fresh8008, can you really not see the difference between the above things and stomping on a beetle for fun? And in front of a toddler who was all excited to have found it?

gandalf456 · 05/08/2017 23:31

I would've been really angry if my son had done this and would probably think he was a psychopath himself but it's the mother's nonchalance that is the most chilling.

Calling him that to his mother's face is probably not going to be well received but it sounds as if you don't want them round again anyway

Fresh8008 · 05/08/2017 23:36

can you really not see the difference between the above things and stomping on a beetle for fun? And in front of a toddler who was all excited to have found it?

Yes of course I can, I said so in my first post, I think its abhorrent. I am pointing out the conflict in telling a young child its wrong to kill insects for pleasure when most humans also take them to the local drive through/restaurant/take away to feed on dead mammals/poultry/fish insects in different countries for pleasure.

So its not ok to kill beetles for fun, but its ok to kill beetles if its fun to eat them? or leave them on your plate because you didn't like them

userofthiswebsite · 05/08/2017 23:41

You called the child, only 7, a psycopath because they stepped on a bug? That's really out of order and over the top...
It might not have been nice for the child to purposely stand on the bug, but this is 7, not 17.
Unreasonable and a horrid comment to make...

ittooshallpass · 05/08/2017 23:54

Doesn't research show that psychopaths start be killing insects and small animals? And usually from a young age too.

Your comment may have been alarming/ OTT to the mother but it sounds like she needs a bit of a shock to get her to DO something about her children's appalling behaviour.

So no OP I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 00:07

There have been terrible crimes committed by children not too much older, too. They need to be taught that it's wrong.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/08/2017 01:07

"Doesn't research show that psychopaths start be killing insects and small animals? And usually from a young age too."

You might be right, but I'm sure there are others who grow out of it as long as someone helps them see what they're doing is wrong.

OfficerVanHalen · 06/08/2017 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splatController · 06/08/2017 02:05

Haha. Well done OP.. You probably shouldn't have said what you did, but I may have too.

I hate spiders but they're trapped and taken outside. I still occasionally think about the cat I accidentally ran over 20+ years ago. Perhaps I'm a hypocrite as I had a massive piece of fillet last night.

emmyrose2000 · 06/08/2017 04:46

Whether the family is psychopathic or not, they certainly sound "off". The mother's attitude to/and her kids' bad behaviour would be enough for me to cut them out anyway.

Aside from this incident, what are they like in general when animals aren't involved? Say, if one of them accidentally hurts someone (eg. your DC) outside the family?

KoalaDownUnder · 06/08/2017 05:09

Okay, 'psychopath' wasn't great. But screw her for thinking what her child did was no big deal.

I dislike people who don't respect animals.

KittyWindbag · 06/08/2017 06:17

People wanging on about there being no difference between what her son did and eating meat - are you for real? Killing something for the fun of seeing it dead, deliberately knowing you'll upset a little girl? Hardly comparable is it.

OP you reacted and used a strong word but you were right. Her son needed correcting and the story about the pigeon is incredibly sickening so seems the whole family have a lack of empathy. Well rid, I say.

SoPassRemarkable · 06/08/2017 07:04

It's her attitude to animals I was referring to when I said she was raising psychopaths, I wasn't suggesting they were actually tiny psychopaths

But saying "you're raising psychopaths" totally sounds like you're calling them psychopaths and this is what she will believe you meant.

Stamping on the beetle was horrible but mentioning psychopaths is OTT. You could just have said that it was cruel what he did and that it had upset you as you respect animals and left it at that.

But to be honest it doesn't sound like the loss of the friendship will be a great loss. I couldn't be friends with someone who let their cat torture a pigeon though I guess lots of people have a bird phobia and wouldn't know what to do.

LittleBooInABox · 06/08/2017 07:10

YABU!

Their is a far cry from killing insects to psychopaths OP. I kill wasps can't fucking stand them, does that mean I'm gonna go on the commit mass murder? No.

Wind your neck in. Sort your DD was upset however the world doesn't spin solely to keep your DD happy, she's gonna have to learn that people are assholes and don't always do things that she will agree with.

Apologise to your friend.

IrritatedUser1960 · 06/08/2017 07:13

I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my children.

MrsDc7 · 06/08/2017 07:13

I agree with you... they sound awful. My son killed a butterfly once and got sent to his room. We sat down and discussed how every life matters regardless of how small it may seem. Of course this means we have an absolute faff now whenever a fly or spider comes in the house because I can't squash them, but I'd rather that than raise people who don't respect the life of others

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