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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have said she's raising psychopaths.

568 replies

OohMavis · 05/08/2017 19:22

My friend and I have fallen out.

She has zero empathy for any type of animal or living thing other than herself and her children, basically. I find that utterly baffling and quite upsetting, and I don't think I'm unreasonable in that respect, but I might have overstepped a mark a bit by saying this, and I want some opinions.

She was here yesterday with her two children so our children could play together. They were playing in the garden, we were sitting out with them, chatting. DD came running to me, excited, saying she'd found a really big beetle, asking for me to come and see. She's 3 and obsessed with mini beasts. My friend's children overheard and came to see too. They ran ahead of me and my friend followed behind, by the time we'd arrived her son had STOMPED on this beautiful stag beetle (I think) and killed it Angry

DD was so fucking upset. Honestly, it was just such an unecessary thing to do. The kid is 7. It's inexcusable. I reacted, raised my voice a bit and said "Why did you do that?!" he just laughed and said he wanted to stand on it. I said that's a really nasty thing to do. Then bent down to see if he'd 'popped its head off'. He had, he was quite pleased with himself. His mother said nothing, I looked at her for a response and got a half-shrug.

DD was in tears by this point so I took her back to where we were sitting and friend joined me. I was comforting DD. She said, "I think they get it from me, they just don't like animals"
I replied, "well that's fine but they shouldn't kill them"
"Well it's not like it was a cat or something"
And this is where I got a bit angry and said "yes well it starts off that way doesn't it, with that attitude you're raising two psycopaths"

She was obviously offended. Sat there for twenty more minutes with a look on her face before making an excuse and leaving, awkwardly. Got a text later saying she thought I was completely out of order calling her kids psycopaths, kids step on insects and I'm overreacting. I didn't reply. She texted again telling me I'm a hypocrite since I'm not even vegetarian Hmm and she doesn't think she'll be coming again.

WIBU to mention the word psychopath. I was angry, it may have been over the top, but I still think it.

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 07/08/2017 17:52

Yanbu

wacoloce · 07/08/2017 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MeltingSnowflake · 07/08/2017 18:05

YANBU - I'd have the same reaction. You're well rid of her - you don't want that influence around your DC.

BabychamSocialist · 07/08/2017 18:07

YANBU.

It's one thing to accidentally squash a fly or a bee, or hurt a spider when you're trying to catch it to put outside, but this is different. He took pleasure in killing it and wanted to see if its head had popped off. That is psychopathic to me. It's a short jump from this to killing a cat, dog or even a person.

Read up about murderers - many of them started by killing pets and insects.

nellieellie · 07/08/2017 18:11

Yanbu. I raise my children to respect all life. They do not stamp on any animals, nor wantonly break tree branches or plants. Yes, we are vegetarian, but that's not the point. For a child to think it's OK to kill an animal for fun is just unacceptable. That's is the way most psychopaths start out although that does not mean that every child who does this will be a psychopath. Yes, I can understand that labelling her children in this way was unwise, but whatever you did would have probably offended her. I would have told the child off severely, made the point to the mother that while their child was anywhere near mine, I could not accept that behaviour because it so completely undermined our family's principles. Also how ignorant. Stag beetles are becoming rarer and need protection. They are truly fascinating creatures.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 07/08/2017 18:14

Psychopath might not be the correct term but it conveys what you intended. They'd never be welcome in my house after something like that.

Firstly it's repellent behaviour, full stop. Secondly it's disrespectful to do that to your DD. At 7 he's showing a lack of empathy both to other creatures and to your daughter. That's bullying.

manicmij · 07/08/2017 18:17

The boy obviously wanted to be in control over your daughter. Seeing her excited he didn't like that so he spoiled her fun. The mother should have spoken to son asking why and highlighting he had taken pleasure away from younger child. Some kind of punishment should have been proposed. YANBU reacting how you did, your child was hurt emotionally which is just as if not worse that being physically attacked. That friendship will be no loss.

cherish123 · 07/08/2017 18:19

Children should be brought up to be kind to and not kill animals. However, it is not your place to do this. It is their parents' job to teach them this. It was OTT - psychopaths!

girlwhowearsglasses · 07/08/2017 18:20

God I would have been really upset - Stag beetles are quite unusual and there are only a few populations in the U.K. I have a soft spot for them when I see them, I love 'em.

The word psychopath wasn't ideal but I am always a bit taken aback when someone 'doesn't like animals'. Can't fathom what makes them tick tbh

cherish123 · 07/08/2017 18:20

Casanova - bullying- really?!

Sparkerparker · 07/08/2017 18:20

I don't really think the point is the specific incident, nor that you used a particular word to describe her child but that you were judgemental.
Accept that other people's children do and will do different things to your own. Accept that other people may not like what your child may do.
Judging other people isn't really anyone's place to do.
I hope you can overcome this incident and gain your friend back.

girlwhowearsglasses · 07/08/2017 18:21

Oh and to those saying it's her job: I think if a child is in your property you can indeed tell them never to do that in your house again. I would state that nobody is to do that whoever they are.

Happy101415 · 07/08/2017 18:28

**AtomHeart

Jeez, I think you were well out of order. I'm a veggie too. Bloody hell, a little boy killing an insect, and you call him a psychopath? Have you got any boys? OMG

what a strange thing to say about 'BOYS'
i have 4 boys and its not in any of their nature to hurt/kill or enjoy any type of bug/creature/animial being hurt..in fact the opppsite i have found ....its not a normal to think that 'boys' just do this....

StrangeLookingParasite · 07/08/2017 18:30

the female monkeys go straight to and play with the 'dolls'.

Oh dear. I'm a failure. I've never owned or played with a doll in my life. I must be trans. (Really, really aren't. )

StrangeLookingParasite · 07/08/2017 18:32

Judging other people isn't really anyone's place to do.

Sometimes it is.

jocarter67 · 07/08/2017 18:42

Psychopath was a tad strong but I genuinely also know someone who's DS started doing this and now swings the cat around by its tale. This absolutely horrifies me especially as the child is only half heartedly told to stop. This child is also very very good at really hurting children smaller than him and I genuinely worry where will it all end

CasanovaFrankenstein · 07/08/2017 18:45

Yes, cherish it's a form of power exertion, ruining someone else's enjoyment, and for what reason?? Just nasty behaviour it would seem.

Atenco · 07/08/2017 18:51

Stepping on a bug does not make a child a psychopath im shocked that you labelled a child a psychopath

What an overreaction on your part, OP. And I say that as someone who doesn't like to kill any creature unless it is a cockroach in my house.

The cruelty to animals that is supposedly connected to psychopaths is a pleasure in slow torture, not just not realising that other creatures have feelings too. It is quite, quite different.

Sparkerparker · 07/08/2017 18:55

Couldn't agree more (also as a mum to 4 boys)

Mittens1969 · 07/08/2017 19:05

@BabychamSocialist, I agree with you, I would worry about the safety of that family's pet cat.

HipsterHunter · 07/08/2017 19:05

I think there are a huge number of hypocrites on this thread "oh no the nasty psychopath killed a beatle" / "oh yes spiders are SCARY and of course we stomp on those"

gemma19846 · 07/08/2017 19:09

I totally agree with you, its still a living thing whether its a cat or a beetle! You should teach children to have respect for animals!

Neutrogena · 07/08/2017 19:13

Christ, a child steps on a Stag beetle and it's such a hoohaa.
Keep out of it.
Other people's kids are not your responsibility, so keep your opinions to yourself.
If you knew you were in the right you wouldn't be posting about it. Apologise and move on.

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 19:15

The issue is only partly that a child stepped on a protected species, on purpose, for sadistic thrills. It's mainly because the child's parent did nothing to correct him on it and is effectively telling him that it's an acceptable thing to do.

OP did not call the child a psychopath. She told the mother that if she didn't correct her children with regards to animal cruelty, she could be raising them to be psychopaths. It was a bit of rhetoric on an emotive and important subject and in context it was not an overreaction at all.

Seriously, who the fuck doesn't teach their children to respect living beings? This woman was happy to let her cat torment a bird for an hour and for her kids to watch, ffs.

Mittens1969 · 07/08/2017 19:17

@Sparkerparker, the reason the OP reacted the way she did was because her friend's DS really upset her much younger DD, who was fascinated by the stag beetle and his DM didn't reprimand him at all. She wasn't being judgmental; yes she needn't have called him a psychopath, but she was defending her DD.