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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
DorothyBastard · 05/08/2017 20:50

Great clear message, leaves her no room to wriggle round it

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/08/2017 20:51

YANBU. I hate it when an event is arranged and someone always thinks they are perfectly welcome to fuck it up by bringing a child along. Last year I arranged a weekend away to see a show, something I'd wanted to see for a long time. A few said yes, got tickets, arranged accommodation etc. Then 1 person couldn't make it. So someone else in the group announced she was going to buy the ticket off that person for her fucking child! No asking if anyone minded. Yes, children could go to the show with an adult but this was an adult weekend away. Thankfully I quickly found a buyer for the ticket through another friend so I had to tell entitled friend that her child couldn't come. Apparently the child was not happy! Not half as unhappy as the rest of us would have been with a bloody child on a weekend away.

SayNoToCarrots · 05/08/2017 20:51

EmmaJR1 · 05/08/2017 20:51

Crikey she's delightful, her DP needs to get a grip and learn the bedtime routine!

Smitff · 05/08/2017 20:51

Whatever the situation with her partner and DD, forcing this on a bunch of hen do-ers is totally unreasonable. Their child, their marriage, their responsibility.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/08/2017 20:52

This isnt going to end well. People that entitled simply refuse to take no for an answer. I suspect that there is currently lots of messaging taking place between her and other hens where she is slagging you off and they dont want to tell her that SIBU!

I think I would give the bride the heads up tbh. You can tell her basics of the problem without giving away the weekend plans. It wouldnt be fair for her to just get a ranty phone call out of the blue when she has a clue what is going on and Entitled Hen wont care about her will she?

KayTree87 · 05/08/2017 20:53

Wow. Great response op. Got a feeling she's not going to go quietly though Grin

namechangedforthisreply · 05/08/2017 20:54

Great reply

MadamePomfrey · 05/08/2017 20:54

Has she paid her share?? She must know this is ridiculous so I'm wondering if shes trying to make out you have said she can't get out of going and avoid paying!! If not and she really wants this then first I think she will go to your fellow organiser then the bride!! I took would have put it in the group message I'm betting you have a group of confused/pissed off hens right now lol

Featherbag · 05/08/2017 20:56

How shit would a hen party with a toddler be?! YANBU!! And good text.

Serialweightwatcher · 05/08/2017 20:56

Good for you - never heard of something so ridiculous ... her DP can't handle the tantrums ... wonder why the little one has so many ... what a lot of plonkers

Mrscropley · 05/08/2017 20:57

Op are you a diplomat?

PovertyJetset · 05/08/2017 20:57

I think your reply was spot on and she is absolutely bananas to think her suggestion was even remotely suitable!

We avidly await updates! Grin

Crispmonster1 · 05/08/2017 20:58

Oh my god this is hilarious! What is she thinking!? Her DP needs to man up and look after HIS daughter. No way is it appropriate.

Littlecaf · 05/08/2017 20:59

The only time I've been on a hen do where a child (baby, 4 weeks) was present was when the hens sister (who was also MOH) brought her EBF baby for the Saturday lunch part. Totally understandable (being brides sister, EBF, MOH & lunch bit) and rather cute. The evening bit with willy jokes, was baby free.

GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 20:59

If her DP can't handle his own child, he needs to learn, not try and tag along on a hen do - that's nuts! Well done on your reply - perfect response!

JennyBlueWren · 05/08/2017 21:00

ARGH! Even if it was practical to have her own room. It is never practical to have a toddler. Oh no you can't put your glass their as DD will grab it/knock it. Would you mind keeping the noise down as DD needs her sleep. Oh we always get up 6am!

First time I left DS was for a hen do -he was only 8 months- maybe I should have taken him with us! Most of what we were doing would have been practical actually. We knew it would be hard for DH and DS so his parents came to stay (not sure if that made it easier for him actually). I was actually the only mum who didn't skype/call every bedtime. It wasn't a lively hen do.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:00

Maybe she'll ignore your text and just swan in, toddler and husband behind her carrying the bags, and be all 'what up bitches?'.

flickertee · 05/08/2017 21:01

Perfect response OP. What a crazy idea!

If she gets arsey just send her a link to this thread Wink you've been polite about her. Others haven't though, she may need to hear a few home truths!!

GlitteryFluff · 05/08/2017 21:01

Think that text was very fair.
Hopefully she realises how unreasonable she was in assuming it would be fine.

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:02

Thanks everyone. I've got a reply Confused - she's something else:

"I understand the sofa in the living room is a double sofa bed so we can swap with whoever is staying there? Then that will be like having our own room. If dinner really bothers you they can sit at a different table it's just so she's within sight of me then she won't get upset. I've paid for this just like everyone else and Ive been really looking forward to the weekend so don't want to miss out. I can't afford to pay for a b&b on top of everything I have already paid for this. You're obviously not a parent yourself or you would understand that they have these phases and you just have to work around it she won't be a bother and they won't wont spoil the weekend. Xxx (bride) loves her so i'm sure it won't be a problem. "

Gobsmacked to be honest. Think I'm going to reply with similar to the first a bit firmer and then post a message to the group just to say no changes can be made now etc as a pp suggested.

No way is she bringing them.

OP posts:
Giraffeski · 05/08/2017 21:03

Think the other one was in a tent so not the same hen do!

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:03

The xxx isn't kisses it's where she's put the name of the bride!

OP posts:
squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:03

You're obviously not a parent yourself or you would understand that they have these phases and you just have to work around it she won't be a bother

Cheeky fucking madam.

Time to call in the troops I think OP.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 21:03

Grin unbelievable nerve!

You've got a fight on your hands here OP.

Dig deep.

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