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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 20:33

No I sent it just to her so we could resolve it outside of the group... figured it might be better to not get the whole group involved at this point!

OP posts:
SuperPug · 05/08/2017 20:33

You're a real charmer, titty! Shock
Ok, my mistake with that. Skim reading MN again while trying to do something else. But your post came across as judgemental and patronising. As did the lovely swearing at the end of your last response. Thanks for that.

SuperPug · 05/08/2017 20:34

On another note, OP, your response was a lot better than what I came up with.

RollerGirl7 · 05/08/2017 20:34

So excited for the response!!

SnugglySnerd · 05/08/2017 20:35

Been reading this all evening. Your text was perfect. Firm and to the point. I'm on tenterhooks wondering how she will reply!

RudeDog · 05/08/2017 20:38

Honestly if my child was that clingy I wouldn't go - I wouldn't expect others to endure it too.

pigeondujour · 05/08/2017 20:38

Yeah, I'd definitely invite men to my hen do if I had one. But they'd be my friends. I would not be having someone's bloke no one knew because he's too much of a useless and/or controlling cunt to stay in and mind his business.

Huffletuff · 05/08/2017 20:39

This thread is very exciting. I can't believe her cheek.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 05/08/2017 20:39

I've just got the feeling she might ignore OP until you're all together in a group and bring it up then hoping they'll defend her.

Hudson10 · 05/08/2017 20:39

one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming

Tell her no.

MadMags · 05/08/2017 20:40

Hmm. So she's probably messaging some of the others trying to rally support.

I wonder would it be worth your while to send a group message saying "hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know that plans are locked in now and can't be changed! Looking forward to a lovely weekend."

But maybe wait to see what she says before escalating it!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 20:41

I think your text was perfect.

I imagine you'll get an fairly aggressive response back, hopefully not though.

JaneEyre70 · 05/08/2017 20:41

OMG I'm actually open mouthed that someone could be that entitled......... she sounds a real delight.

Uiscebeatha85 · 05/08/2017 20:42

YANBU but I kind of feel for her, her dp obviously gives her fuck all help that her only option is to bring her child to a hen do rather than leave him in charge for a couple of days.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 05/08/2017 20:42

I would be so pissed off to arrange a very rare child free weekend and still have to accommodate someone's child.

I was pissed off enough to manage a whole night away to go to a concert and had some woman basically palm her kid off on me on the train while I was trying to have a drink and read a book for an hour.

Good message op. Says it all without being rude.

user14809873 · 05/08/2017 20:43

I can't believe the nerve of some people. I recently missed a very close friend's hen do & also the wedding (abroad) because I couldn't leave baby for a weekend nor could we afford the flights as I'm on maternity pay. She understood. Sometimes you have to miss out, that's life & people understand! I certainly wouldn't have expected to take my family with me on the hen or change plans already made to suit me!

Dannygirl · 05/08/2017 20:44

Well done OP you've handled it brilliantly, can't wait to see what she replies!

SnowiestMountain · 05/08/2017 20:45

Just come across this, absolutely 100% no of course the partner & child can't come!

She must have real issues with the partner/child to have to do this but unfortunately that's her problem to sort out and this is not a solution

Great text OP, watching with interest for the response, my guess would be she will CXL

Figgygal · 05/08/2017 20:45

Absolutely barmy woman

Great text hope she gets the hint but as she suggested this in first place I'd be worried she's an utterly thick skinned loon

Beadieeye · 05/08/2017 20:45

She's definitely gone whinging to the bride or the others. She's entitled enough to turn a hen 'do into a family day out- she doesn't believe she's being unreasonable.
This needs to be shut down before you're completely undermined by this henzilla

Lilsquish · 05/08/2017 20:46

No way!! Cant believe anyone would think this would be ok ConfusedConfused

Fitzsimmons · 05/08/2017 20:47

Well done OP. Don't be surprised if she goes to the bride though.

glenthebattleostrich · 05/08/2017 20:47

I spend all of my time with children apart from a precious few Fridays when I don't work. If there was going to be a toddler on a hen weekend away I'd cancel and not go. My free time is too precious to me to waste on someone I don't really knows kid.

Excellent text OP.

oldlaundbooth · 05/08/2017 20:47

'I bet he wouldn't be so keen to take his wife and toddler on a stag do!

grin

Can you even imagine this occurring to a man, or a gang of blokes heading off on a stag even entertaining this idea?'

^
This with bells on.

Just imagine.

Sparklepants · 05/08/2017 20:49

Is have sent it to the whole group.

What is she thinking? Bloody bonkers!

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