Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 ··· 38 39

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 21:04

FFS!!! Just reply saying "I apologise if I wasn't clear the first time - your child will not be accommodated on the hen do, her attendance is not appropriate."

Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 21:04

She's unbelievable!

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:04

^^ what Fenella said.

SnowiestMountain · 05/08/2017 21:04

Wow!! Just say that unfortunately you're going to be using the living room until late so it won't work as a bedroom, offer to refund refund her the money for the accommodation, a bit more even if you have to and she can pay for the b&b with that.

TsunamiOfShit · 05/08/2017 21:04

That'll be fun, them taking over the living room. Hope you weren't planning any drinking games in there after little one's bedtime.

Ellieboolou27 · 05/08/2017 21:05

Your response was very good, I'm sure she'll hold out replying until she's thought up something equally entitled that will probably make you feel guilty, she'll twist it round to try and break you.
Her request is not normal!!!! I've a 2yo who won't settle with dh, when I've had to leave her, he gets on with it, it might mean him struggling for 3 or 4 hours or heaven forbid a sleepless night, 2yo survived dh still has flashbacks

TurnipCake · 05/08/2017 21:05

Cheeky git.

Reiterate, "Sorry, that's not going to work"

Don't get into a debate, bargaining process or respond to the 'you're obviously not a muvva' goading

OrphanAccount · 05/08/2017 21:06

Yes, time to get really firm OP. I like Fenella's response.

Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 21:06

Actually I would involve the others now. She's being spectacularly selfish.

MargotsDevil · 05/08/2017 21:06

where is the darling toddler going to sleep then if the living room is still in use after their bed time?

BlueAnemone · 05/08/2017 21:06

I'd be tempted to hand this over to the bride now. I don't see anything constructive happening with the texts, her attitude is inflexible and condescending.

drspouse · 05/08/2017 21:06

How does she propose that she and her DP and toddler will sleep in the living room at a joint event? Does she think you'll all creep off to bed?

She should have thought of this earlier - if she "won't be a bother" she can "not be a bother" at home with her DP.

Backingvocals · 05/08/2017 21:07

Blimey. She's a piece of work. Agree with Turnip. One line response and drop mic

Callmejudith · 05/08/2017 21:07

Wow, how on earth does she think them taking over the living room is appropriate? So after the kid is asleep no noise whatsoever and then in the morning she'll wake the whole house up.

Stick to your guns OP

flickertee · 05/08/2017 21:07

Wow wow wow. People like this actually exist??

"You're right, I'm not yet a parent so I don't suffer from PFB entitlement. The living room area is going to be used until late for drinking games so DFOD"

Original poster

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:07

Thanks Fenella I will send that now.

FFS really don't need this the planning has been stressful enough! Hopefully I can avoid getting the bride involved.

OP posts:

Beadieeye · 05/08/2017 21:07

Shit!
She thinks you're the unreasonable one 😂

gamerchick · 05/08/2017 21:07

Be firm OP, put a couple of nos in.

She hasn't sold her Child well anyway. I predict LOTS of screaming.

thenightsky · 05/08/2017 21:07

She wants the sofa bed in the living room? Where are you going to hold the games/drinks/stripper? She'll be insisting you all be quiet and don't come through the living room after 8.30 or something.

Un-fucking-believable.

I think your response should be along the lines of 'whoever takes the living room bed will be last up and clearing up after the stripper'. Or some such.

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 21:08

I really think there will come a point where it will be for the bride to decide. I'd be tempted to talk to her at this point. Go over her silly head. Assuming the bride is a normal fucking person who wants a normal fucking hen party, I would imagine she'll be as annoyed as you are.

You can then reply to mad fucker and tell her that yes, bride loves her child but after speaking to her she would prefer not to have her stay with her hens.

A toddler sleeping in the living room of shared accommodation will seriously hinder the party. Silly cow.

ethelfleda · 05/08/2017 21:08

For crying out loud!!!! She needs to get a grip!!
What a twat. Stick to your guns OP!

Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 21:08

Also, why should all the women on the trip be expected to modify their weekend around her and her partner and a toddler? Fuck that for a laugh!

Carolwithane · 05/08/2017 21:08

Marks place for continued Saturday night entertainment

*opens popcorn

littlepinkgiraffe · 05/08/2017 21:09

Good job you won't be wanting to use the living room past 7pm then hey

She sounds barmy.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/08/2017 21:09

You absolutely must not let her bring them! Whatever it takes. She is being exceptionally rude.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 ··· 38 39