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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
MaisyPops · 05/08/2017 19:46

No no no no no.

The woman is being ridiculous. Her DP needs to get used to dealing with the children. I don't get where people are suggesting she's pressured into it. From that situation, I'd probably get the impression that the mother loves spoiling her child and enjoys being the fussy martyr type.

"I'm sorry that arrangement won't work, but you are welcome to join us for dinner one evening whilst DP had the child".

Partypolitics99 · 05/08/2017 19:46

My God is she on glue
I am guessing that toddler is a pandered to nightmare if what the mum has already said is anything to go by. Who the hell thinks this is acceptable. And she is trying to get you to change the time of the meal!!!!
Also what is the other organiser thinking? If the women's try's to brass neck it out I would tell the bride. I would have been furious if I had turned up on my hen weekend and a toddler and a male partner had been there. I would have rather had the chance to sort it out myself. If that's really not possible can you get some of the other hens on side

CherieBabySpliffUp · 05/08/2017 19:48

Beyond ridiculous!
Stick to your guns OP when she no doubt replies saying YABU

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/08/2017 19:48

The person who pointed out that everyone will be shusshhhed all evening is spot on.
Surely any hen do worth its salt should involve hysterical laughter that would wake the dead?

Cagliostro · 05/08/2017 19:49

Good grief YANBU

Supermagicsmile · 05/08/2017 19:50

Yanbu!!

FrogsSitonLogs · 05/08/2017 19:51

No no no, if the hen do doesn't work for you, you don't go. You don't bring your toddler.

SpottedGingham · 05/08/2017 19:51

Toddler at a hen do? 😱

Because the pathetic Humanoid with a willy can't cope with his own child overnight? 😳

I bet he wouldn't be so keen to take his wife and toddler on a stag do!

Partypolitics99 · 05/08/2017 19:51

If this is allowed to happen I can honestly see some the hens telling her some home truths when they are drunk. Can you imagine her saying to a load of worse for wear hens to be quiet as her "little Snowfake" (and I don't use that phrase lightly but I think it is fitting here) is trying to sleep!!!
Trust me OP it won't end well

Nancy91 · 05/08/2017 19:51

Does she know what a hen party is?! Shock

TopBitchoftheWitches · 05/08/2017 19:52

this

TopBitchoftheWitches · 05/08/2017 19:54

I wish so much I could like this post.

billybigballs · 05/08/2017 19:55

This is OUTRAGEOUS! I have a toddler, he wouldn't be coming anywhere near a hen do.

Either her DP pulls his finger out of his arse or she doesn't come. The end - not your problem.

3luckystars · 05/08/2017 19:56

Just text her. 'If you want maybe you can arrange a more child friendly lunch with the bride for you and your family on another occasion but only you are invited to the hen party. It's over 18's only.
Everything has been arranged and agreed upon, you are welcome for some or all of the hen party but you cannot bring other guests. Let me or the hen party committee know whatever you decide and I hope to see you soon. Thank you.'

Crashbangwhatausername · 05/08/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Questioningeverything · 05/08/2017 19:57

Oh god no. Just no. She must be stopped.

Is she on glue???

lookatyourwatchnow · 05/08/2017 19:57

I can't wait for the text message exchange part!

PityParty · 05/08/2017 19:58

no no no!! Either she has to miss it or he needs to suck it up

hannah1992 · 05/08/2017 19:59

Wasn't there a lady the other day asking if it would be unreasonable to take her 4 month old on a hen do? Sounds a very similar story. Lady in that thread said she was thinking of asking her dp to go along to look after the baby because the baby was breastfed.

Either way it's ridiculous I second getting a stripper they wouldn't be going to that

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 20:01

My toddler daughter was invited to a hen do.

Luckily all my friends tend to have low key, afternoon tea and prosecco type dos rather than strippers, nights away and inflatable cocks.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 20:03

I bet he wouldn't be so keen to take his wife and toddler on a stag do!

Grin

Can you even imagine this occurring to a man, or a gang of blokes heading off on a stag even entertaining this idea?

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
SuperPug · 05/08/2017 20:04

Good for you, titty Hmm
How have you worked out what kind of hen do the OP is organising?

TurnipCake · 05/08/2017 20:05

@squoosh Grin

Trunkisareshite · 05/08/2017 20:05

It's a nope from me!

How ridiculous, who would even want their small child around a bunch of drunk women -probably drinking out of nob shaped straws- ?

Just say 'sorry I haven't replied sooner, I've been ill but I've thought about it and it won't work, let me know if you can make the whole do or just parts of it or will need to cancel your place'.

Personally if I was one of the other hens and I'd managed to ditch my kids for some adult time I'd be really fucked off to find myself being forced to eat dinner with someone else's kid. Not to mention having someone's male DP tag along on a girls night.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 20:05

Luckily all my friends tend to have low key, afternoon tea and prosecco type dos rather than strippers, nights away and inflatable cocks.

Whoopee.