AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

YANBU. In fact if you haven't told this person she is being very unreasonable planning to take partner and toddler you are being paragon of virtue. No-one, just no-one would think doing what she plans. If you can without losing money just cancel the whole thing and go to the pub. When asked why pass the buck and explain you thought it unfair to have an event that (whatever her name is) can't attend due to child care etc. Otherwise a big NO.

KeepServing Ill have you know my ddogs nose is as soft as a newborns bottom and as sensitive as his nether regions. I'm sure he will do the obliging thing and stick it in your ddogs lady bits. He's not interested in getting serious ATM, thought you should know. He's only 2 so he's still playing the field. We have modified his manhood as we decided breeding him wasnt an option as there's no point continuing with breeding such a fine specimen when we've already attained perfection. But we don't talk about that.

Even the posts like manicmij are hilarious.

T H A N K S. T H E. T H R E A D. H A S. M O V E D. O N

You lot are incredibly entertaining which is fortunate as seems like we will all be sharing a converted barn soon.

Should I start another thread soon as this one looks like it may be full shortly? (unless i'm wrong, i'm on my phone) although i can't promise there will be updates until the actual hen do in a couple of weeks - the thread for that will naturally be titled Todzilla (thank you to whoever coined that upthread) so you all know what it's about ;)

Surely she wouldn't still turn up at wedding with child in tow now she's talked directly to bride about it? surely? SURELY?

Wedding in a month and a bit away for those who have asked...

oh ignore me thread isn't as full as it looked i think the app is being glitchy

get me getting all ahead of myself

OH MY LIFE! Is she serious! Just NO NO NO! Tell her NO not everyone wants to be around kids especially on a hen do! It may be the only night off being a parent all year for the other hens, if I was on that hen do I would be seriously pissed off!!!

OP, not sure if anyone else has raised this - when you join a whatsapp group (and I assume the same applies when you re-join) you do NOT see the preceding messages from when you weren't a member. So Demanding Woman will not be aware that you didn't name her or say anything bitchy. She will simply see that the no toddler/children jokes are being bandied about.
Personally I wouldn't care. But if you don't want her to jump to conclusions, you might want to say something to her. On the other hand, whatever you say, you will just look like you are trying to dig yourself out of a hole. So all in all better to say nothing. I just thought I should point it out!

My god!

OP, have you cancelled the cheque??

Dcat is very excited to be having a weekend away. Obviously you and the bride will accommodate his litter tray and empty it accordingly. Dcat is not keen on dogs or toddlers so we'll need our own private room. Will send a list of his dietary requirements in advance. He's an absolute sweetie, you'll all adore him but he does get anxious when I'm not around. Dh cannot possibly be expected to care for dcat under these circumstances. I'm assuming that you'll send a limousine car and a cat basket for us to travel in.

Ummmm.... MaxwellDog feels these other dogs will cramp her style so you need to uninvite them please OP.

Is she joking 😯 nope no and no way!!! Tell her its a child free HEN weekend and if she cant leave DD at home with her own father then she will have to cancel

She did. Pages and pages ago...

Fuck. The cheque!!! I didn't cancel the cheque!!

Wonder if she's related to mexican house thief.

Very good point @shallinamechange but i think i think you're right not much i can do now and i don't feel like doing anything that could make her feel like she hasn't the upper hand now which probably sounds petty. Don't want her to feel bullied or anything either!

At least they've all stopped with the piss taking messages on the chat now and are all embroiled in the games chat. Demanding Woman is taking the lead with a whole new series of fun but "classy" games

I AM expecting her to just undermine everything I have organised now just to make a point

👍 Francis

Madmags what did OP reply to friend?

To all new posters I have I have, she has now been given a resounding Nope thanks to the collective wisdom and outrage of mumsnet and a very direct bride

Why don't people RTFT?????

There are 765 posts, ffs! Is that not indication enough that things have moved on from the OP?

'Classy' as in 'no penis talk so it can't be said it's inappropriate for a child'.

Madmags what did OP reply to friend?

It's all in the thread!

Yes sorry i havent got time to read 31 pages. Never mind

@fenella seems absolutely completely reasonable. I will add Maxwelldog to the group chat so we can be sure to undertake any other whims they so desire

I replied to the Demanding Woman, Demanding Woman replied back shirtily, Bride got involved, Demanding Woman still attending but without DP and DD. Oh and Demanding Woman was also under the mistaken impression that she wasn't free to bring said DD to the child free wedding. Think that brings us up to speed as a cliff notes version - details of texts etc further upthread :)

Good on you whyhastherumgone what a cheeky mare

was* free

Just found this and omg it just astounds me that people like this exist! I really hope she chills out a bit before the weekend comes around or she's gonna be a barrel of laughs....