AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

Just been thoroughly entertained reading this thread. Well handled OP. Looking forward to updates on the hen do and the wedding!

Ooh I've had an amazing idea? When is the hen do? I don't want to come but can I send my Kevin like 13 year old dd so I can have a child free weekend? You won't even notice her as long as there is wifi and a bottomless supply of food! ( teens like lots of food) if you ask her nicely she will give you tips on highlighting and contouring whatever that is.

No way!!! Tell her no

Demanding Woman is taking the lead with a whole new series of fun but "classy" games

Don't worry OP, there aren't many games which can't be "vulgarised" if enough imagination is brought into play ... if you want to mention any she suggests I'm sure we can all pitch in and help

Oh, and please can you arrange for the barn to be heated to a minimum of 80 degrees at all times; I'll be bringing my snake (usefully phallic shape but he doesn't like crude jokes so please don't make any) and he really appreciates warmth

whyhastherumgone - as my grandma used to say, " there's more than one way to skin a cat". So regarding Demented woman's new tactic of ensuring that the hen party is full of 'classy games' my advice is to let her organise them. Then as soon as she starts trying to get the hens to play her games, you whip out a mega pack of chocolate willies and an adapted version of the game Headbandz ( thing or person name stuck on forehead, ask questions , only allowed yes no answers) ( oh , make sure it's adapted in a very non child friendly/ hysterical women way) and watch her classy games melt away. Christ on a bike, who wants to play a classy game on a hen do? Now obviously I'm a posh middle class mummy but come on, we all like/ need to let our hair down and behave badly with lots of sex stories ( I will save the one about Julian and his tiny Willy for another day,) loads of booze, lots and lots of obligatory cackling, slagging off ex husbands/ boyfriends and current ones too if the mood takes us. Oh and but hing about people who are not there. And I really want to come to this hen do too now. I'm a good cook and DEAD funny when I'm pissed!

Erm..... does Demanding Woman have a sister? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2999245-My-girlfriend-ditches-my-hen-to-go-with-husband-to-stag-do-AIBU-to-consider-dis-inviting-them-to-the-wedding?pg=1&order=

Yes, turn everything she says or does into something absolutely filthy!

fenella ive just started reading the thread you linked above

Just starting that thread too - what is it with people and hen do's at the moment or do these things always bring out the crazy?

Oh these things always bring out the crazy. It's why I didn't have one - or at least told people they were more than welcome to have a Hen but I wouldn't be there

sooo glad you got the bride to tackle the "no children means no children, yes, yours too!" thing now!

Notforsale - like the DW, I had a very clingy and demanding DC2 (DC1 was very different, twas a shock!). She wouldnt 'let' DH do bedtime, would scream for me if she woke up in the night/evening, one night I got in from drinks with friends to hearing her cry from the end of the drive, got in the house and apparently she'd been like that for nearly an hour but DH was determined not to be "the Dad that can't cope with his own children" so didn't call me to come home early. (She settled within 2 minutes of me holding her).

Faced with a child like that, I did turn down some invites that would mean I couldn't do bedtime/have to stay overnight without DCs. But my view was the onus was on me to decline invites, not just assume I could bring my child along with me.

Some people become parents and forget that while their child is the most important person in the world to them, their child isn't the most important person in the world to everyone else.

Dianag The cheque has already been cancelled.

Great idea diananag. Not sure why 752 other people didn't think the same. 😩

squoosh I have a sulking grunting teen. Maybe we should pair them up.

Most 'classy' games can be made silly/smutty. You just have to aim to lower the tone and feed the silliest hens lots of wine. Drunk woman can usually be trusted to lower the tone.

I missed nights out because my son was a terrible sleeper and his dad (ex husband now) was a twat and useless, I'd never expect to take him on a hen do and I would bring great pain against anyone who spoilt a child free break let alone hen night good grief

I'm trying to imagine some classy party games. Pin the tail on the peacock, anyone? Bobbing for persimmons?

"Classy" games my arse!

Sounds like Monica "Rules control the fun!"

Would love to know the outcome of this one. As one of the hens i would not be happy having a toddler there.

Confession time: I brought my baby on a hen night

IN MY DEFENCE, DH, baby (11 weeks) and I had our own hotel room and I went to all the activities and night out etc and I popped back to my room every 2/3hours to feed baby and to see her because she was PFB and no way could I have left her for longer than that. No one even saw baby once. But I still have read this whole thread like "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit I'm THAT friend"

Yep. You're that friend!

I can guess the games

Pin the tail on the donkey
Musical chairs
Etc etc

Nice and toddler friendly....

Tell her to stay at home. WTF!!!!!