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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 19:31

Yes I think meeting there will be wise. He'll be wearing a bow tie and a rose for the ladies in his teeth

jocarter67 · 06/08/2017 19:31

This is ludicrous. I know the bride to be doesn't know about this, but I imagine she will be gutted if a toddler is there. Surely if the child won't settle with anyone but her, then the child will have to be with her all the time. It's very worrying that no one else can calm the child, what is going to happen when an emergency arises

JoySaidThat · 06/08/2017 19:32

Sorry if I missed the explanation - if it's a child free wedding what's she going to do with her todler then? Bring them anyways?

Also when will the wedding be, because you're quite far along in your pregnancy - is it close to your due date? You may end up attending with a new born?

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 06/08/2017 19:37

Notforsale - so basically you think it's fine for this woman to bring her tantrummy toddler and ruin 10 other adults precious child free time?

OnlyRose · 06/08/2017 19:38

I hope no-one will be wanting to have a bath over the course of the weekend as my DGoldfish will require sole use. Can you please fill the bath up with rainwater gathered at midnight from a mountain stream and ensure that he has an exact replica of the Disney castle to swim through otherwise he will get terribly bored. Thanks awfully! We are really looking forward to it!

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 06/08/2017 19:43

Notforsale- I'm sure many of the hens are mothers whlose children are top priority. That doesn't they can't go away for adult time or let their partners learn to take responsibility.

MsLexicon · 06/08/2017 19:43

No you can't do that! Tell her.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 06/08/2017 19:43

Joy OP states in her first post that she is seven weeks pregnant. Unless the wedding is next spring I think she is reasonably safe.

sparkleandsunshine · 06/08/2017 19:45

I have a 6 month old and I forget sometimes that everyone else doesn't adore her as much as I do BUT I would never take her somewhere like a hen do!!! That's so rude!! I know another mum who has a toddler boy and thinks he should come to everything, we used to be friends, we fell out because she wanted to just turn up with her son to a friends child free wedding, I tried to convince her not to and she said she wasn't changing her mind. So I told the bride what she had planning. She spoke to her and the mum still insisted if she came, her son came, so the bride uninvited her, unsuprisingly we are no longer friends

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/08/2017 19:45

She's back on the chat now arranging some different games to the ones i've already organised - in guessing to regain some control.

Elefun, Pop up pirate, I spy, Sleeping Lions? I bet she's angling to change all the games to be child friendly, cos you know...

JoySaidThat · 06/08/2017 19:47

Lol @Zoya - I have NOOO idea why but I thought I read somewhere along tbe thread that OP was 30something weeks pregnant 🙈🙈🙈 clearly I need a child free weekend away

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 19:59

Well then you won't be wanting to come on this one Joy. Let me know if you do ddog says there's space in his limo as long as you think happy thoughts.

Ohmyfuck · 06/08/2017 20:02

Absolutely ridiculous. If he can't look after his own baby for one night, it's a poor show. She should just not attend because, you're right, it will completely change the dynamic. How can she not see this? How utterly selfish. Perhaps she's one of those that likes to show how she's needed? :-/

Tofutti · 06/08/2017 20:02

Anyone else thinking that DW will turn up to wedding with baby anyway?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 06/08/2017 20:08

Littledragon I hope your Ddog's rose if thorn-free as I think your Ddog will want to stick his nose up my Ddog's more sensitive parts. (My Ddog is hoping so, in any case).

OnlyRose, that made me laugh!

HettySunshine · 06/08/2017 20:10

I. Just. Can't. Even!

I have three noisy children under 4 and a clingy cat. See you the pick up point!

4point2children · 06/08/2017 20:13

That will be on another thread continued on from this one tofutti can so see it happening too as she I'm sure will come up with the hen do being hard enough for said partner he couldn't possibly manage the wedding day and their if course is no one else too look after their precious dd

IWantABlueBanana · 06/08/2017 20:18

op please tell me this hen do's in london in a fortnight, I can kindly bring my dh and 4 dc. The older two will be fine bunged in a corner with the ipads, the twins and dh... well, theyre good fun!! Honest

MaisyPops · 06/08/2017 20:19

Being a parent first means putting children first, fair do.
If dearest precious persephony-mae can't be out of arms reach because mother is so fussy/dad can't look after his own child/any other reason, then mummy doesn't go places without her darling. That means mummy is destined for a life dictated to by a child with no adult time.

It doesn't mean that little darling can go everywhere with mummy and disrupt everyone else's plans.

Of course she'll have some kind of childcare issue now for the wedding and rather than decline, she'll rock up with her kid & her kid will be dressed in the wedding colours. Said mother will spend the wedding taking cute photos of her child, letting them behave how they like and generally be obnoxious for anyone to be sat near.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/08/2017 20:20

notforsale ha ha very funny. Think I detect some sarcasm in her post. She did not seem serious.

RebootYourEngine · 06/08/2017 20:20

Most mothers put their children first everyday and that is why on the rare occasion they get a night away they dont want theirs or other peoples children there.

gunsandbanjos · 06/08/2017 20:21

This thread has kept me thoroughly entertained! I'm absolutely amazed at her entitlement, well done for standing up to her nonsense.

MrsBendyBaker · 06/08/2017 20:21

I haven't read the whole thread but agree with the general consensus on page 1. You are being complete reasonable. This woman is being ridiculous, and selfish. Frankly by the time the kid has reached toddler stage the father should be able to cope with being able to look after the kid for 1 or 2 nights by himself. But if he really can't, then she should have known that from the outset and said no. She can't expect someone else's hen night to fit in around her spoilt brat and inept partner! Ridiculous behaviour. If the kids tantrums are that bad then having the kid tantruming at the venue would just ruin it for everyone else...

redskittlesaremyfavourite · 06/08/2017 20:22

@NotForSale

She is a parent first and a friend second. She has her priorities right.

Parents are still allowed a social life. She has a choice, go, or don't. Being a parent doesn't give you a right to take your kid everywhere, least of all places that are not child friendly.
She needs to get over herself.

thatdearoctopus · 06/08/2017 20:23

We have recently converted to become Amish. Dh and the 6 children would like to come too. Can someone please organise a horse and cart for us?

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