Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Mrscropley · 06/08/2017 16:25

Maybe you need one of these on the door as security on the day?

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
Cupcakey · 06/08/2017 16:29

Read the whole thing with my chin on the floor! Some people literally are in their own little self important world! I hope she cancels altogether as I've a feeling she will kind of have a chip on her shoulder :-/ well done op for getting the bride involved! I think it would have ruined her hen do!!!! Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 06/08/2017 16:34

Awww MrsCropley taht is really cute.

whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 16:36

@Rachel0Greep yes sorry that was a bit of a bewildering update haha
I was so keen to give you guys the latest details i did it from my phone - mistake!!

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 06/08/2017 16:36

Oh this just gets better! Grin OP I think you have inadvertently done the bride a favour Wink

whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 16:40

@Marthasharbour hopefully! I feel much less bad about the whole drama now as I just keeping thinking about the bride's face had Demanding Friend rocked up to wedding with tantrum-y toddler

She would probably be one of this early who gets her DD a dress to tie in with the colour scheme or something as well.

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 06/08/2017 16:52

"She's still just a baby really."

Shock

Omg. If your kid is old enough to go on a hen weekend, she's not a baby, lady. You can't have it both ways!

Goingtobeawesome · 06/08/2017 17:01

Please can I come? There was a gathering a few days before my wedding for dh relatives and my only relative. I wasn't invited ConfusedSad so would like to come to the MN one but my puppy is very attached so would want to come. She's cute so would that be okay please?

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
Ellieboolou27 · 06/08/2017 17:06

Oh lord, I'd have loved to see the look on demanding woman's face when bride delivered "I don't want them either" 😂😂😂 have a lovely hen party!

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 17:08

Poor you and poor bride!

At least it has come to light now, maybe she'll have a mega strop and pull out altogether?

Deploycharitygoats · 06/08/2017 17:09

Astonishing behaviour. I wasn't even invited to a (then) close friend's hen do, on account of having an ebf 4 month old. I can see now that I was robbed, robbed! of the opportunity to make batshit crazy demands/dip my toe into cheeky fuckery to see if it was my life's calling. I'm not bitter, oh no.

I may be a touch bitter about still being expected to make her wedding cake, though

Anyway, OP, I'll bring my terrors on the coach. They can make up for lost time.

ShotsFired · 06/08/2017 17:14

@whyhastherumgone I may or may not be attending the hen do. Please ensure you account for me by massively inconveniencing everyone else and you will find out on the day whether I show up or not.

PS. I need my own room too. A double will be fine.

eddielizzard · 06/08/2017 17:21

ifs a toddler is not a baby. they are mobile, fast, loud, unreasonable and don't speak english.

well done for sticking to your guns!

Deploycharitygoats · 06/08/2017 17:24

Oh god, told DH about this thread and he now thinks that toddler DS would be outstanding company on a stag do (limitless energy and genuinely thinks he's a pirate). My heartfelt apologies to DH's as yet unmarried friends.

NotForSale · 06/08/2017 17:24

I've read page 1 and page 27.
I don't see why she can't bring her toddler. Her child comes first, that's responsive parenting. I am shocked that no one the 2 pages I have read have pointed out that it might be how you feel in a couple of years time given you're pregnant. "Might ruin the dynamic"? Get over yourself!! She is a parent first and a friend second. She has her priorities right.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 06/08/2017 17:26

@NotForSale are you the friend?

MargaretCavendish · 06/08/2017 17:27

Oh look, Demanding Woman herself has joined the thread!

I imagine OP will feel the same as she does now in two years, as giving birth doesn't turn a reasonable person into a selfish nightmare.

Nancy91 · 06/08/2017 17:27

Since random babies and dogs are invited, can I also come? Can I bring my mum?

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 17:27

NotForSale you must be the friend Grin

squoosh · 06/08/2017 17:27

Cop on. If she wants to prioritise her child she needs to STAY AT HOME.

(glad we have someone on toddzilla's side though to add a bit of contrary spice)

GreenTulips · 06/08/2017 17:27

She'll be on here complaining her DC now know Dildo - Knob etc !!

You seriously thing a small child and a very drunk hen party is the way forward?

ScarletSienna · 06/08/2017 17:28

NotForSale, she doesn't have to go. She can stay at home with the toddler or go to the hen. No one is forcing separation from her toddler at all.

thatdearoctopus · 06/08/2017 17:30

NotforSale, And how do you account for the other 'hens,' who are already mothers and more than prepared to leave their offspring at home?
This is nothing to do with the OP not having her own children already.

MadamePomfrey · 06/08/2017 17:31

NotForSale that's fab cause my parents only paid for 2 tickets to go away this year and DN really wants to go too!! So now we can tell the airline it's fine it's a parenting strategy no need for an extra ticket or to worry about how my parents might feel about having thier plans change she should put her in the car drop her off a go??? Dsis is going to love this GrinWink

JaneEyre70 · 06/08/2017 17:31

OMG this woman takes entitled to a whole new level Grin. That is one heck of an update!!! How do you take a child free wedding invite and assume it doesn't apply to you but everyone else Shock

Swipe left for the next trending thread