Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
squoosh · 06/08/2017 17:31

I have noticed on MN that people who say 'I've only read the first page of responses...' generally talk rubbish.

PoppyPopcorn · 06/08/2017 17:32

Just read the "girls weekend in Ireland" thread and this one and am genuinely gobsmacked at how some people behave.

I have three kids. I love them to bits but that does'nt mean that I stopped being me as soon as I gave birth. I am still Poppy and still entitled to a girls' weekend away or a hen do with adult friends if I want to do that. I would never dream that it would be acceptable to pitch up with a child in tow, especially a stroppy toddler.

How on earth can people be SO un self-aware and so oblivious to what's acceptable behaviour? Reminds me of a mother who pitched up with two extra kids and her DH at a party once because "we're a family and come as a package". Just WEIRD.

magoria · 06/08/2017 17:37

I went to a child free wedding. A nanny/child minder was available in the hotel.

One 'friend' of the bride decided this didn't apply to her DS. Insisted another chair and place setting be squeezed onto the table and a meal found for him.

Poor bride was very upset but didn't want to make a scene so the 'friend' got away with it.

I don't think their friendship ever recovered.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 06/08/2017 17:38

She is a parent first and a friend second. She has her priorities right.

So am i, thats why i decline invitations for events where i think my dc wont settle for whatever reason rather than inflict my dc on people who have arranged child free time for themselves.

Mrscropley · 06/08/2017 17:39

Maybe her dh could get one of these to assist in the bedtime routine while she is out. .

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
SelmaAndJubjub · 06/08/2017 17:41

You have remembered about my quinoa and tequilla-only diet, haven't you squoosh? And the gerbil only likes organic sawdust.

CaptainBrickbeard · 06/08/2017 17:42

NotForSale, she doesn't just want to bring her toddler, she wants to bring her husband as well. And for them to sleep in the living room. That would be enormously disruptive for everyone. Responsive parenting is fine but in this case means she should stay home and miss the hen do in order to respond to her daughter's needs - or better still, for her husband to be able to manage as an equal and responsive parent himself!

Arkenfield3001 · 06/08/2017 17:44

No you're not being unfair at all. If she won't leave her partner to settle her child she'll just have to miss out! Sorry but hen dos are for the hen and her friends, no -one else!

Don't let her bully you!

eddiemairswife · 06/08/2017 17:45

I'd never heard of penis straws. I had to google them. I am shocked beyond measure! I lead a very sheltered life.

Libitina · 06/08/2017 17:50

Wow, Toddzilla has a lot of cheek. Glad the OP and the bride were able to stand up to her demands.

Njh87 · 06/08/2017 17:52

No chance! She shouldn't be going. Who even debates taking their partner or child to a hen do. I'm in shock. Lol. Plenty of guests won't be happy about this but probably don't like saying.

KarmaNoMore · 06/08/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valeview · 06/08/2017 18:01

NYANBU. God save us from these women who think the world should revolve around them and their darling children. I doubt the bride would be thrilled with an over indulged little one being allowed to dictate terms here either, tell the other 'organiser' (who also needs a slap) that this is not on.

whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 18:02

@notforsale I'm sorry but I have to disagree. If she wants to put her DD first she would stay at home in this case. Bringing her somewhere unfamiliar, with a rowdy crowd and lots of inappropriate behaviour i.e. laughing shouting drinking games isn't putting her DD first if you ask me.

She's back on the chat now arranging some different games to the ones i've already organised - in guessing to regain some control. Leaving her to it!

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 06/08/2017 18:04

How do women like this actually have any friends?! Bringing your family to a bloody hen night Grin It is so ridiculous!

jessebuni · 06/08/2017 18:05

I would say no sorry it's all been prearranged. If she wants to personally make arrangements to pay to stay in a room elsewhere with her DP and toddler then that's up to her but you are unable to make those arrangements for her and unable to change the meal reservations to accommodate either. To be honest my DH is rubbish at dealing with my 2 DCs without me home but I make arrangements with grabdparents to watch them instead. I would say sorry but her DCs sleeping arrangements are not your problem.

IntelligentPutty · 06/08/2017 18:09

What a bitch! Really cannot stand people like this. It's amazing she even gets invited to any hen do!

4point2children · 06/08/2017 18:11

Oh wow jus read this thread and although gobsmacked have laughed my way through it
Op stay strong you will get through this with gritted teeth and lots of alcohol Grin love the idea that this lady is now trying to regain some sort of control over the day can't wait to hear what other brilliant ideas she has with regards to the hen and actual wedding day Grin

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/08/2017 18:11

She's a nightmare, God help you all.

altiara · 06/08/2017 18:12

Have lost dog while trying to walk and read the thread Blush so can I book my hamster instead onto the coach? No dietary requirements as she'll just eat the soft furnishings, but she does need her own room as she can't be mixing with the likes of other animals that think she is prey. She could possibly share with humans as she is semi-hypoallergenic due to patchy fluff loss.
Great thread! Hope I can find DDog though

OVienna · 06/08/2017 18:15

"Regain control" yup it sounds like it.

Fecking nightmare guest.

supermoon100 · 06/08/2017 18:17

But surely this is where the dh/dp should have the balls to step up and say 'no honey I absolutely insist you must go to the hen do and I will stay at home with toddler no matter how difficult it will be to get it/he/she to sleep. Go and enjoy yourself' !

ZooLanePetCorner · 06/08/2017 18:18

Another one wondering how she's got a dp who's happy for her to tell people he can't cope with the toddler for one bedtime.

Oldbutstillgotit · 06/08/2017 18:20

Couple of teeny requests . Could you please move event to Scotland ( East Coast area) as it would suit me better ? Also I would like to bring my DGS as he has just started playing the bagpipes and he loves demonstrating to people . Thanks .

Lorddenning1 · 06/08/2017 18:21

Maybe u can post something on the rudest wedding guest thread after when she turns up anyway with her child, Confused