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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 13:46

I'm bringing my dog. He's small but a bit feisty and very noisy so be careful with any rabbits and other small furries as he may kill them or at the very least scare them to death. He will scream the place down if he gets separated from me. You won't notice he's there though. A bit like the toddler, I imagine.

Lots of Coke of the liquid variety please. And a good fry up the next day. Extra bacon and sausages.

Partypolitics99 · 06/08/2017 13:49

I would tell bride to be prepared for friend to bring her kids to the wedding. I have been to two wedding where this happened, one where the bride accomadated said child and felt awful as she had told others it was a no child wedding. Partly ruined the day for her as some guest really took the bump about their children no being there.
The second the mother of the bride marched over and said in no uncertain terms this was a no child wedding and she was no being held to ransom, either they find babysitters for the three yes there children immediately or all leave- they left.
Was there not a post on a thread once were the guest took her child to a no child wedding but though it was ok because she sat him in the corner with an. I pad? She got flamed but was still protesting all the way through that she was in the right.
If their is an atmosphere Op it will be of her making and if she is nasty to you I would even challenge it as no one is going to argree with her including the bride

Partypolitics99 · 06/08/2017 13:50

Sorry about the typos- Bump was meant to be hump
I find typing in my phone a challenge

whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 13:52

@partypolitics99 people took their children to a child free wedding?? Shock

Wow. I will speak to bride later and see what she says - from the way bride responded to the whole hen thing it sounds like she has form for this kind of behaviour

OP posts:
Partypolitics99 · 06/08/2017 13:54

Yep I think they though once the children were there it would be too late for the bride and rest of party to do anything.

Happened at my cousins very female adult 30th party as well complete with strippers. And they stayed for the whole thing Hmm

whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 13:54

well all your requests seem reasonable, people - I think we shall easily all fit inside the converted barn without causing any inconvenience or changing the dynamic of the weekend.
i assume children, pets and mad old aunties will be let loose in the hot tub too?

OP posts:
whyhastherumgone · 06/08/2017 13:55

@partypolitics99 that's crazy! I can't comprehend why they would want the children to be there

OP posts:
Partypolitics99 · 06/08/2017 13:58

yep there is something decidedly disturbing about a 5 year old and 7 year old drinking from a penis straw Confused

GherkinSnatch · 06/08/2017 14:00

What a lovely way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Well done OP, good work Star

Polly85 · 06/08/2017 14:02

OH
MY
GOD

YANBU

What an entitled cow bag. I agree about hen nights, the admin at the beginning is the pits, even without stuff like this to contend with. Tell her to do one xx

Whocansay · 06/08/2017 14:16

Partypolitics99

I am HORRIFIED by the penis straw thing. Did no-one say anything?

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 14:18

Could you fill the hot tub with organic spring water please? MaxwellDog has very delicate skin.

Greatdomestic · 06/08/2017 14:19

Ha ha, best thread of the year so far.

InfiniteSheldon · 06/08/2017 14:30

Ooh Fenella maybe i'll be your stalker.....

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 14:31

Sheldon if that could entail sending flowers & champagne regularly, please do! Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 14:35

I'm sure op will be fine to do that as long as MaxwellDog doesn't piss in it like last time. You know he can't contain himself when he gets nervous Hmm

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 14:36

MaxwellDog is SPECIAL. People should pay money to bathe in MaxwellDog piss.

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 14:36

Oooh I quite like that as a business idea.... Grin

rightwhine · 06/08/2017 14:41

It's worth reading the linked thread a while back about the week end in Ireland a few years ago.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1728783-To-not-want-this-child-to-come-on-holidays-with-us

RiversrunWoodville · 06/08/2017 14:47

Maxwelldog has just woken Rivers kitten by making me laugh so hard Fenella

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 14:51

Well I know that Fenella. I remember your last business idea. Eau de Dog piss. What were we supposed to do with it? Drink it or spray it on ourselves? As I remember there was one poor elderly lady, who was knocked down by a marauding bull mastiff on heat after that episode.

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 15:02

It's what I like to call a multi-tasker, Mummy Grin

GinIsIn · 06/08/2017 15:04

MaxwellDog is extremely pleased at the turn this thread has taken....

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
RustyParker · 06/08/2017 15:09

Why I'll just be sending DS to the Hen. DH and I haven't had a date night in ages. He'll be no trouble. If you can pick him up from mine and just drop him home late afternoon the following day. Thanks! Grin

andbabymakesthree · 06/08/2017 15:10

There is always one that causes an atmosphere!

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