AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

Put up a pic of your dh crying captioned "definitely won't be bringing this one along, looking forward to a dp free weekend"

Are the others totally unaware that she asked and not realised this was a real situation? Rather than you making a strange comment?

That would be a YES

And could you post the address, date, etc. And remember all will be fine because my very grown up 9 yr will be looking after the gaggle of kids minus aforementioned duties obvs. Any takers to look after the animals?

I've just told DP the gist of his thread and his initial response was "why the fuck would a man want to go on a hen?" followed by "and what sort of dad can't hack putting their own child to bed for one night?"

@Dragon

OP never said animals weren't allowed. Bring them

Ooh yes please let us know how it goes. I hope it is a success and she doesn't make a scene and that the bride has a fabulous weekend.

Yes! If she comes along a new thread is a MUST!

Clearly just place marking!

She won't make a scene but I bet she'll try and cause an atmosphere!

Mumof56

Will your 56 kids help with the animals

Shameless place marking..

Glad it's sorted.

I did take DS1 to a hen-do once, but he was only a few months old, not mobile, and EBF. He and DH came to the "picnic in the park" meet-up bit, prior to any of the activities - then DH took him off and they went around the town, while I took part alone in the hen activities. After that, we all went back to the hotel (we'd had to arrange our own accommodation, so me getting a room for the 3 of us hadn't been a particular issue - no one else suffered because of it) and I fed DS, then left them to it and went out for the meal with the girls. DH had dinner in the hotel room.

The only potentially disappointing thing (and I'm 100% sure they didn't really care) was that I went back to the hotel after the meal instead of going on to a nightclub.

The MOH was still a bit annoyed that I'd seen fit to inflict my child on any part of the day, but it was either that or not go - and this was all arranged with the bride anyway - but if it had been too awkward I would have just not gone and saved myself a few £100.

My mum has expressed an interest in coming. She's a teetotal Evangelical Christian but I'm sure she'll fit in just fine. But she will have to bring the budgies and the cockatiel.

So when I mentioned bringing my dog before I forgot to mention she only eats organic wild salmon. You're fine to cater for that, right, OP?

Ugh! No! I don't even meet up with my friends with toddlers on my child free days. I'd be livid if I had forked out for a weekend only to find a bloke and another kid was going to be there. you'll be asked to keep the noise down next. Is she bonkers? I'd be telling DP to deal with it or putting out if I didn't trust him.

I'm relieved it seems to be sorted, the group chat is back to mocking the idea of children coming this morning which is slightly awkward considering Demanding Woman has been re-added and can plainly see the messages. Things like pictures of their screaming children this morning captioned 'definitely not bringing this one along' or 'counting down the days to a child-free weekend' etc etc

Fuck. That makes me feel a bit sorry for her actually. Do they know what's gone on?

OP You are brilliant. I still can't get over Entitled Woman's thick skin (and her horrid comment about you not being a parent).

Just a thought about the "what if she's being abused" train of thought - if that were the case and the OP etc had given in and let the DH and toddzilla come along, it would be enabling the abusive behaviour. Which is not helpful to anyone.

Toddzilla

Do you have to start a new thread? I might miss it. Can't you just continue on this one which is on threads I'm on?

Pleeeease

< Worried about missing update>

Superbly handled rum. Well done. Yes please to the update thread.

The bride sounds awesome - I hope you all have a great time.

Well done to CosmicStrider as well - hope your careful planning works out - let us know.

I think I missed a trick. Dh went to a stag do last weekend. I should have sent dd along too. They did a club crawl thing with a hostess and it involved a blow up doll. Hilariously dd has dh's old iPhone and the photos with said doll appeared on her phone as it's still linked and she had lots of questions. Cue quick deletion. She's 9.

I'm betting she still turns up with child and husband and claiming she thought it was ok.

Be careful op, she sounds like the type to bring them anyway...

Well done OP perfect responses. Glad it all worked out.
Hopefully she can see the group want child free and will realise she was wrong and not be awkward with you. The fact that brides sister isn't bringing her baby to the hen should make it clear it is not acceptable.

Also who is watching toddler for the child free wedding? Suspect granny/auntie will have to cope with the tantrums. Husband should too.

Brilliant thread. This just consumed my entire Sunday morning. Very well handled OP. Please start a new thread following the hen weekend if she does turn. Completely overinvested in this now 😂