AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

This is hilarious. What kind of fool thinks it appropriate to take a toddler on a hen night?! Peppa pig and prosecco with penis straws?

Marmalade, maybe OP could track down custom made straws depicting Peppa Ooh holding a penis?!

Can I come OP and of course my DP and baby DS will have to attend? Plus my in-laws...and they have horses who couldn't possibly be left alone but the accommodation is in a barn so perfect for the horses!

I'm beginning to think she may be being abused at home - or just very controlling

Quite often strong woman do drag their men everywhere to everything - they sit there looking embarrassed - every kids party, every meet up - I find it quite odd

I should think that everyone will be slightly off with her on the actual weekend. Not deliberately or nastily but her batshit behaviour is bound to affect people's attitude towards her.

Well handled OP. I hate it when people say things like you're not a mum so you don't know. So just because you've not had your own that means you have no idea what a baby or toddler is? Nonsense

Is the wedding child free?!!

I've seen that Greentulips, there is a lady at ds school that does this, drags her dh and younger son to every child's party, him looking thoroughly bored. She is quite strong and definitely wears the trousers in the relationship.

He can't go out without tagging onto her, it is quite controlling.

Squoosh Can I come in the minibus? I'll be bringing my actual hens. They 'll sit on laps, it'll be fine.

They can sleep in the living room, but they go to sleep when it gets dark so everyone will need to be quiet from dusk onwards- that'll be ok with the bride, I've sorted it.

My favourite thing about having a toddler is the fact that I now have the perfect excuse to never go to another hen do again. (She's actually not very clingy and is fine with being left with DH but no one has to know that 😜

@shouty - don't feel bad. I took a toddler to my own hen do. There are some situations where it's ok. There are some where it's not. The OP's situation was clearly planned to be child free.

I used to work with a guy who went on a hen do with his wife and very young ebf baby. Basically he and the baby stayed hidden in a separate room and the mum would go off and bf as and when necessary.

The difference is the bride and organiser were happy with it and most of the other women were completely unaware. Also the mum was happy to miss out, she didn't want to disrupt the weekend.

You could not do that with a toddler and most importantly no one is happy with he idea of it.

It's just occurred to me- op please tell me you're not the unlucky one who has to share room with her!! That'd be horrible!

If she was in a controlling relationship she'd had cancelled once getting a 'No' from the OP.
She's just entitled! Sympathy not required!

I agree tiny babies are different. They are not going to knock over drinks or worse still try to drink them. They don't know what's going on and won't copy any interesting new words they hear! I wouldn't want my 3 yo anywhere near a hen do. It's stressful enough visiting other people's homes!

I can only imagine what she will be like about the wedding 😂

Could I sign up my toddler.
She will happily provide a running commentary/question session.
"man ! Why are you dancing? Man! You are in the nuddy! Mummy, the man has no clothes on! ......."
She will also bossily oversee the games and try and try to appropriate all presents.

I'm coming too! I'm bringing my two children as well, I assume there will be a crèche in the living room?

I'm coming. But I'm 32 weeks preggo. So people will all have to abstain from drinking just so I don't feel left out. And I'll need lots of crisps.

I'm coming too. My dd (9) loves little kids and will be very happy to baby sit all of your children as long as you cook for them all, tidy up and wipe their bottoms, change their nappies, put them down for naps and such like. Really, she will be such a help. And she's pretty good at staying up late.

You'll have a chocolate fountain, won't you? She'll help everyone put the marshmallows on sticks and play dress up in your nice clothes when they've finished eating. By then you'll be too pissed to notice. What's a bit of kiddie dribble and chocolate stains between friends?

It'll be great fun and won't change the dynamic of the party at all. We all like a chocolate willy girls, none of this useless smut. And my dd intends to sleep in the kitchen so that you won't have access to any booze. But it's ok, she'll wake you up at 6am in time to make the fry up.

Morning all! Wow i did not expect so many responses.

In answer to some questions - yes her DP is male and the wedding is child free apart from bride's sister's newborn who was born about a week ago. Bride's sister is not attending hen do.

On that note yes you're all invited - please do put on a minibus @squoosh and bring along dogs/children/uncles/hamsters as you see fit. Sure people won't mind if you sleep in the bathroom/kitchen cupboards/under the beds. See you all there!

Ive added her back to the chat this morning and the child-hen-do-hilarity that was going back and forth has gone completely dead and silent. No messages from her so far today.

How inappropriate wanting to take a toddler and a husband to a hen do!!! Is she on glue?

Think of all those mums who have arranged childcare and are now looking forward to precious relaxing childfree time. Hen do aside, a small child would ruin any child free break.

Her DP should really man up. Why can't he look after his own child? His weekend alone with his toddler will give him the opportunity to learn.

Just put off cleaning the shit tip of a house to read this entire thread...omg! This has been quality entertainment for my pregnant self!

I have an 18 month old...TBH I find any form of socialising with him running riot stressful and not enjoyable...if I went to a hen do I'd be necking prosseco on my way out the house..I would be RAGING to get on the minibus to be confronted by a bloody family sitting there!!

I also teach 3 year olds so rarely get an actual break from small children so I would not be impressed!

They follow up message just takes the piss...actually speechless!!

Well done OP you have handled this brilliantly!

She'll go, she's spend most of the time on the phone to her child That will make the DC miss her more and if you hadn't of called her out in the group chat then she'd of just brought her DC and DP!

Good work