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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
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joepommedeterre · 06/08/2017 00:46

Can I bring my nana? She's a great laugh and will just fit in with everyone. But she doesn't approve of booze and likes to be asleep by 8. Ok?

And her friend Phyllis.

And Phyllis's pug.

Madeyemoodysmum · 06/08/2017 00:46

Please update once you've been to hen do as well OP

ReanimatedSGB · 06/08/2017 00:47

Updates definitely wanted on this one ')

GreenTulips · 06/08/2017 00:55

LOL - best thing I've read CF

Bettercallsaul1 · 06/08/2017 06:28

I'd like to come too! Would you mind changing the venue so it's a bit nearer where I live? The only stipulation I make is that all food should be vegan, please!

CaptainBrickbeard · 06/08/2017 06:47

I can't believe the DP can actually be on board with this; surely he would feel massively awkward gate crashing a hen do?! And in the living room as well, the central part of the house. It would totally change the dynamic and the tone of all the conversations. Wouldn't he be hugely embarrassed to be there??? She can't have really thought this through.

Hortonlovesahoo · 06/08/2017 06:48

Crickey OP. Well handled and good replies. Do you trust that she won't bring them regardless?

mokaerisifhija · 06/08/2017 06:51

Bride has replied saying that she doesn't know what we've organised but if it's suitable for children, she's not coming

My favourite line from this thread.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2017 06:56

I'd send her a welcome back to the group message (and glad to see she has chosen a child free weekend over spending it with her dd and oh.)

tireddotcom72 · 06/08/2017 07:13

Facebook just reminded me of one of my best friends hen dos - she is also dd godmother. She was having a weekend in London watching show then going to swanky bars followed by BBQ at hers to recover after. I'm single mum and dd would have been about 6 at time - couldn't get childcare so I didn't go it never occurred to me to want to take dd. We went to the BBQ after where children were welcome. I was disappointed but hen dos and children do not mix.

WhoreOfBabyliss · 06/08/2017 07:15

The world has gorn fucking mad! Mad I tellee! Grin

MrsDc7 · 06/08/2017 07:25

.

123MothergotafleA · 06/08/2017 07:39

I'm coming too,save a seat on your bus for me Squoosh. Can you inform the party that I am of a sensitive nature and mustn't be exposed to lewdness of any kind like penis straws etc

Hippywannabe · 06/08/2017 07:45

I just cannot fathom the sense of entitlement she has shown.Is she married herself? oh, what Bridezilla tales would we have from that wedding!

bossyrossy · 06/08/2017 07:55

If you're worried about upsetting the mother with toddler by saying "no", think about all the other hens you will upset by saying yes to her unreasonable request.

KimmySchmidt1 · 06/08/2017 07:59

Well if she wants to bring them she should pay the cost and the inconvenience, but only on the condition that they are never seen or heard by anyone else - she cannot bring the. To the actual dinner!!!!! That is mental!

Definitely book a butler in the buff or stripper. Have you told the bride? You should definitely not spring it on her as I would have gone potty if some bloke and a baby had turned up to mine.

Some women hate hen parties but go anyway.

God knows why they don't just not bother and save everyone else the griping and bad feeling that goes with them, but they don't. Maybe it's one of those.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/08/2017 08:19

If she wants to bring them, they will need to book separate accommodation, and they cannot come with you on the hen night, whatever next. I sincerely hope that the bride gave her what for.

Mix56 · 06/08/2017 08:21

I'm coming too, but will be bringing my eleven year old son. He likes my company and I can't say no to him. He will be sleeping in the bathroom so everyone will have to bring potties. It will be fine smile

Also he's bringing his hamster, which can't be left alone^

Just spat my tea out !

Aeroflotgirl · 06/08/2017 08:27

Imagine if a stag did this on a stag do, we would be laughed down by the rest of the men. I cannot understand the selfishness of some. If I were in her position and had a velcro toddler, than I would not go, or only go for part of it and go home again. Or if distance is an issue, arrange dinner with the bride locally, just the two of us.

ellesbellesxxx · 06/08/2017 08:27

You have handled this brilliantly op.
Can't believe the cheek of her!
It would be my husband's idea of hell to go to a hen do.. especially as we have twins 😂😂😂

WhatEaglesWear · 06/08/2017 08:38

Brilliant thread!

Loving the drama!

Has made my early Sunday with dc much more enjoyable! Brew

Aeroflotgirl · 06/08/2017 08:39

Yeh if this happened with a stag do, the stags would think the man concerned was on drugs or some sort of mind altering medication. Or she's got you under the thumb mate, no way!

Cagliostro · 06/08/2017 08:46

Reply saying you'll add her to the WhatsApp group.... but you're not thrilled about it!

That is GENIUS

rightwhine · 06/08/2017 08:47

Second the idea of a nice polite message welcoming her back but making it obvious that everyone else knows the score.

Mix56 · 06/08/2017 08:58

You will all be partying at this hen night, (altho she may be fretting & spending the evening on the phone to her H, rather than enjoy an all female, child-free evening of frivolity) & then see her again at the wedding. maybe just add her, & then ignore her the best you can ...