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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 05/08/2017 22:08

Fenella you legend x

DancesWithOtters · 05/08/2017 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Corcory · 05/08/2017 22:10

Sorry haven't read the whole thread but two things occur to me - maybe the venue won't let a toddler in on an evening do + what on earth is going to happen when you all roll in in the early hours - presuming she has gone back to the barn early with said toddler and DH - are you going to be meet by a shing mum telling you all to be quite in case you wake up toddler! Alternatively toddler is woken and screams the house down for the rest of the night!!

OlennasWimple · 05/08/2017 22:11

Bride sounds fab

squoosh · 05/08/2017 22:14

That sounds like a bride who wants to let loose and have a great time. Not watch her language and tiptoe over a sleeping toddler.

Cagliostro · 05/08/2017 22:15

Hope that's the last you hear from toddlerzilla! (Toddzilla has a better ring to it mind)

squoosh · 05/08/2017 22:17

Toddzilla is great! Grin

Pigface1 · 05/08/2017 22:18

This is a brilliant thread. I honestly can't believe the cheek of the hen. That dig about you not having kids yourself is low and also - as replies on this thread demonstrate - total bollocks anyway. The bride sounds hilarious (thank god).

I think she's one of those parents who secretly loves having a clingy child (because it makes them feel wanted) and so encourages the clinginess rather than trying to deal with it.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 22:19

Just read your op again, so it's not just one meal she wants to bring her Fami,y, but to stay in the accommodation with her husband and child, and you all have to fit into her child's routine. Well bugger that for a game of soldiers, ruining everyone's time, especially the brides. If you did allow that, you will upset the bride and out a dampner on the whole thing. What a selfish entitled Madame she is.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 05/08/2017 22:23

Please come back and tell us how it was. Would love to know if Demanding Woman turned up at the Hen Do.

I am a bit Shock that she has to bring her DP and child because DP cannot cope without 'Demanding Woman' there! Fuck that for a lark! I'd be telling him to get on with it! Probably more like her DP DOESN'T WANT to deal with their child's tantrums.

Howwwtohelp · 05/08/2017 22:25

.

madja · 05/08/2017 22:29

I read that to my hubby. His response?
He needs to grow a pair and take care of his kid.
Also why the fuck would he want to go to a hen do anyway? Grin They can be savage!Grin

Bumdishcloths · 05/08/2017 22:33

Just... wow. I literally don't understand people sometimes, why on earth would she think this was ok? 😂

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/08/2017 22:36

You could be doing her a favour.
If she really wants to come to the hen do, she's got 2 weeks to insist that her dp does toddler bedtime entirely on his own.
He might be quite good at it after 10 days....

Fantasticmissfoxy · 05/08/2017 22:37

Jeez OP I've had my fair share of cheeky buggers to organise events round but this takes the absolute cake 😂 delighted you have been so firm and bride has backed you up. People like cheeky-bloody-hen-woman bulldoze their way through life

bloodymaria · 05/08/2017 22:37

Get her tae fuck! Liberty taking gobshite.

Partypolitics99 · 05/08/2017 22:38

If I was you and the bride I would be pissed of at the other organiser for saying it was ok in the first place. Bet when you are all talking about it on the hen do when hopefully entitled women cancels, bet the other organiser user does not bring up that she okeyed it all.

Thank goodness for you OP who obviously has commen sense, bet the bride is a little bit in love with you now

Partypolitics99 · 05/08/2017 22:40

Also I would have been temped to reply "when I have kids my partner will be able to look after them as he is not a useless man child and I am not a control freak.

theliverpoolone · 05/08/2017 22:44

I bet the DP can handle the toddler perfectly well, just not how she thinks he should Hmm . He's probably desperate for her to have a night away.

joepommedeterre · 05/08/2017 22:45

Dear god! If it was the other way around, would these dippy parents expect to have a bottle warmed up at Spearmint Rhino???

Sassenach85 · 05/08/2017 22:51

I can't believe people like this exist!!

You've handled it well OP Wink

MammaTJ · 05/08/2017 23:01

Oh my goodness. When DD2 was a toddler, I also had a three month old DS. I also had a strangulated hernia and was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. Imagine if I had not been able to leave DP in charge for a few days, you know, as a co-parent who I could trust to take care of our DC as well as my 11 year old DD from a previous relationship!

Hmm, I could have insisted they all come along to the hospital with me I suppose!

Well done OP!!

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 23:03

I presume the others on the hen party have contributed towards the barn and activities, I woukd be nightly pissed off if a member of the party came to stay with their husband and chikd in tow. Not only will bride be upset, I am sure others will be as well. Well done fr having a backbone and telling Mrs Entitled, no! So what if she's upset, it's not about her, but the bride.

ememem84 · 05/08/2017 23:05

Sayyy whaaaatttt?!?! No. No way.

Entitled much?

Good for you op. But please come back with reports of any further messages.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 23:07

The other organiser sounds really wet! Yiu really needed to take the lead, or it will end up being a disaster for the bride.