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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
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12
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 21:49

There was a thread a few years ago when a group of women planned a weekend away. One of the group decided her 6 year old could attend as she was mature and enjoyed adult company Hmm.

Eventually Mum and kid didn't attend after a few difficult texts were sent.

MiniAlphaBravo · 05/08/2017 21:50

Can't believe the cheek of some people! Last thing I would do is bring my kids and dp on a hen. She was really chippy and rude to you. Glad bride is supporting you and not giving in to her crazy demands.

Can just imagine her and her little family in the living room, thereby stopping any hen fun happening in the main communal area of the accom! Probably shouting at people to keep the noise down after 8pm for little miss tantrum's bedtime.

WeatherDependent · 05/08/2017 21:50

Completely ridiculous and entitled behaviour, from the toddler mother not you!

Really you just couldn't make it up, maybe one day she'll realise how ridiculous she was...but then again maybe not Hmm

Witsender · 05/08/2017 21:51

I had more understanding for the other thread as a 4 month old is very different to a toddler, you'd have to be entirely nuts to take the latter and perhaps just optimistic to attempt the former!

crazywriter · 05/08/2017 21:51

Glad it's mostly worked out now. Hopefully she's gone to will now since bride is clearly saying no (yay bride). Enjoy your night OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 21:51

Or as the rude accessories are being passed round, entitled woman "no no no don't let my little Harriet see them, put them away now! Or " keep the noise down, little Harriet us about to have her sleep". Bloody hell, she will ruin it all!

MarthasHarbour · 05/08/2017 21:52

DH says this saysore about the demanding friend rather than the DP. He agrees it is a 'precious Tarquin situation'

He also said the OP should warn demanding friend that loads of drunk single hens-women might want to shag her DP and he may be powerless to resist! Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 21:52

Even a baby, no! A hen do is usually an adult women affair. Chikdren will just ruin the dynamic.

MummaGiles · 05/08/2017 21:53

Gave DH the TLDR summary of the thread. He said that the entitled hen and her DH both need to sort their shit out.

zeezeek · 05/08/2017 21:53

I'm not pregnant, but this is still the most fun I've had on a Saturday night for years.

she said, blatantly placemarking and trying to sound clever in order to disguise the placemarking

paxillin · 05/08/2017 21:54

I expect she'll bring the toddler to the wedding, too, even if it is child-free. Little Allegra-Bernadette is no trouble after all and she bought a portable potty to match the bridesmaids' dresses for church. But the food needs to be organic and moonshine harvested for Allegra-Bernadette and she needs to sit at the top table with the bride or she'll tantrum.

RedastheRose · 05/08/2017 21:56

Some people need to give their heads a wobble. Great response and great that you spiked her guns by notifying hen and WhatsApp group what she was up to (sort of). Hope you have a great hen do, went on one last year with lots of different friends of hen, lots not known to one another and most everyone got on and had a laugh only a couple of entitled folk (who went home early from the nightclub).

Motherofterriers · 05/08/2017 21:57

It's not just bringing the toddler, its the OH too. How can you play hen party games in the living room with him tucked up on the sofa bed in his jammies? Adding her partner messes up the dynamic, just as the toddler does. Really glad the bride agreed with you!

NoNameNoGame · 05/08/2017 21:57

So what happens when you all get back to the accommodation and want to carry on the party and be loud with drinks and fun...

Will she then tell you all to keep it down as her DC is trying to sleep?!

RiseToday · 05/08/2017 21:58

Well, it's obvious who the kid has inherited her shitty, tantrumy behaviour from Hmm

If they have the brass neck to show up, I would make it my mission to have the most raucous hen party ever. Drinking starts at 8am until last woman standing, hopefully 6am the following day.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/08/2017 22:00

Well done OP - sounds like the bride knows the score with this woman and will sort her out.
I have been known to ask if I could bring my DS to social events (if it wasn't clear whether or not they were child-friendly events) but I always accepted a 'No' and either arranged childcare or stayed home.

thenightsky · 05/08/2017 22:00

StillStayingClassySanDiego

I remember that thread well... wasn't it a raucous weekend in Ireland or something?

cheesypastatonight · 05/08/2017 22:01

Surely you'll all be sitting relaxing and chilling in the living room and drinking before you all go to bed in the early hours.....how would that work with a bloke and a kid in there. Have you explained that?!

DancesWithOtters · 05/08/2017 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 22:03

nightsky , that's the one.

Mum and dd went away to an exotic destination iirc and sent postcards to the other womenGrin, 'look where we are, better than where you are' kind of response.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 22:04

It was Arabesque who posted the thread.

doodlejump1980 · 05/08/2017 22:06

If it's a child-free wedding I bet she kicks up about that too! best post in ages

Motoko · 05/08/2017 22:07

i've been reading this out to my DH, to replies of "What?" "She fucking what?" etc.
When I got to the bit about what the bride said about not wanting to go if it was child friendly, he shouted "HA! HAHAHA!"

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 22:08

Fenella one of my favourite threads Grin

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