AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

Still can't believe this it's! She must be bonkers. Some people ban children from their weddings, a Hen do has NEVER BEEN CHILD FRiENDly. Please keep us posted!

God yeah Brummiegirl! Fuck off to the far side of fuck with your "you aren't a parent..." bullshit, Demanding Woman!

I'm even more convinced that this is all of her own doing, for attention and martyrdom...

Brummiegirl so that's three of us in the not drinking club during all the drama (and you're in the Midlands like me )

Cracking open the Doritos though!!!

I have a 3 yo and my dp said there is no way he would expect me to take them just so he doesn't have to manage our very head strong little one. If it was me and I knew there was a toddler going to the hen do I would cancel.

Oh good, bride will shut this crap down!

She sounds like the kind of person who would reply to the bride with "stop trying to make this hen do all about you"

Ffs. Another escapee from cheekyfuckerland.... Seriously, I'm shocked at the number of people with social skills inversely proportional to their sense of entitlement. Or maybe I'm just an old gimmer.

Ha! Auto correct tried to change gimmer to gimme!

Will do, I will let you know whether or not she decides to attend!

The Bride is excellent, love that woman. I just didn't want her to have to get embroiled in hen party politics but she didn't seem overly surprised...

I wonder whether the DP actually wants to go. Seeing what the Entitled Hen is like, I can't imagine she would take no for an answer from him either. It could well be that she decided that he would be going rather than him asking to go. DH says he would be fucking mortified to be the DP in this situation. Oh and that he needs to learn to look after his kid.

What time does entitled child go to bed? Will you all have to abandon drunken ogling of strippers so she can go and put her to bed because useless male is clearly incapable . You need to ask how it will work when you all fall back in at silly o clock. Not that you need to know as it's not happening but we all really want to know her answers.

I'd be hoping to that group message one of the other hens says "children not welcome? Thank goodness, I'm looking forward to a child free weekend! Bring on the willies and prosecco!"

Also pregnant so this is my entertainment for the evening!! What a cheeky madam she is!! Hope it all gets sorted!!

So she wants to ruin the brides time, for her own selfishness. You have brides blessing to plan a fun, non child friendly event, op😂😂😂😂😂

Oh yes little Harriet here's a willy straw for you and a willy lollie, as they are passed round😂😂😂😃😃

fedup I used to know someone like that. Literally hated it if her DP wanted to take precious Tarquin out for a walk without her

OP I like the sound of your bride

'the bride would love to have her' seriously she is insane!! My friends don't even love their own kids enough to want them on a booze weekend away 😉

Ugh Martha it's a surefire way to raise one fucked up kid...

I am liking the sound of the bride. I wouldnt go to a child friendly hen party either

oh lord imagining a child with a willy straw!

You lot have made a highly tense exchange very entertaining so thank you. I'm going to chill and watch some TV now but I promise to come back and update on whether she cancels, whether she comes [hope not] and whether this is the last I hear of it...

I'm trying to imagine myself and a toddler gate-crashing a stag do DH goes on... schlepping the toddler to sit ringside at paintballing, then watching 12 stags getting sloshed. Breakfast with said 12 stags heavily hungover, two of them still sleeping and grunting in the sitting room on the sofa until lunchtime and all the time continuing the potty training routine whilst trying to explain the shenanigans

Glad the bride is on your side (the side of sanity imo)

My dcs are in their teens so a while since I was toddler wrangling but there seems to be an increasing trend in ridiculous entitled parenting where everyone else is expected to accommodate and be delighted with the presence of entitled parents' offsprings no matter how inappropriate the setting or offsprings/parents' behaviour.

Yay! Was reading the thread hoping this will be resolved.

I have no sympathy for this woman but to avoid any difficulties and a bad atmosphere, if she does turn up, meet her with a smile and a drink, tell her to enjoy her time child free, same as all any other mums.

Maybe she's gotten herself all worked up thinking her partner won't cope and gone down crazy road a bit too far. Perhaps a night away from her child will do her good even if it's motivated by not wanting to miss out (or lose the money paid up).

Hope you have a great he'd do!