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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
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Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:31

Oh yes, sorry if I didn't say - I messaged the bride to warn her she might hear from Demanding Woman as she's not happy with a decision I've made regarding her bringing her daughter and DP. Thought I'd give her a heads up when I got the first reply back and realised she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

OP posts:
MummyJess123 · 05/08/2017 21:31

If she ends up going on the hen do then you HAVE to make another thread detailing what she's like in person OP

poweredbybread · 05/08/2017 21:31

There have been hundreds of posts on here and not one saying crack on with husband and toddler. It's horrible for you though that you have been lumbered with this.

Msqueen33 · 05/08/2017 21:31

Cheeky bitch! So she's expecting everyone to accommodate her dh and child (so she'd be paying extra). Glad you've said NO and that's put an end to it! It's beyond cheeky. She can either leave dh to cope or sadly cancel. Why should you all have to put up with it?!

Elizabethsimpson · 05/08/2017 21:31

I've been to a few hens pregnant and felt guilty about that.

MadMags · 05/08/2017 21:32

"Fine" isn't really good enough. Because it's ambiguous.

Can she get a refund on her money? If so, I would leave it to see if she goes to the bride and if she doesn't, I'd message asking how she'd like to be refunded. Just so everything is very clear.

Scrumptiousbears · 05/08/2017 21:32

Sorry I have just skimmed the thread but OP was this lady also expecting to bring partner and child and only pay her share e.g. No more for her family to stay?

fuckingbubbling · 05/08/2017 21:32

Regardless of the fact nobody will want a child present since when were MEN welcome at hen dos?! Cheeky fucking entitled twat she is!

TheAntiBoop · 05/08/2017 21:32

How does she know the bride?

Blondebombsite83 · 05/08/2017 21:32

I hope she does go to the bride and she tells her to get a fucking grip.

I've been reading this to dh who's opinion is that the dp needs to "man the fuck up".
As a bride and an moh who had people trying to be awkward when it came to hen dos you just have to be blunt (which I'm good at).

JaneEyre70 · 05/08/2017 21:33

That poor man sounds very pussy-whipped to have even agreed to going on a hen weekend let alone with a child Grin. Can you imagine........ oh darling, you're going on a hen weekend and our precious snowflake is coming too, won't it be fun?! Hmm.

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 05/08/2017 21:33

Maybe the mum is a bit if a martyr and has taken it upon herself to try this stunt without her DH's knowledge IYSWIM?

Maybe the poor guy doesn't get the chance to have 1-to-1 time with the kid because she always is hovering over them and claiming that little Tarquin can't possibly settle without mummy there.

InfiniteSheldon · 05/08/2017 21:33

I went on a fitness fiesta weekend with a dozen women from the gym and at the last minute one woman added her husband and child. It was excruciatingly embarrassing and awful for the people she shared her apartment with. It turned out he insisted and said she couldn't go if he couldn't. There was absolutely nothing for him and the child to do as we were all intent on drinking all night and exercising all day she ruined her own weekend. This woman is worse.

crazywriter · 05/08/2017 21:34

I've been reading this to dh who's opinion is that the dp needs to "man the fuck up".

My DH has pretty much said the same thing lol.

GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 21:35

My DH was of a similar opinion! Grin

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:35

Can't keep up with all the flipping whatsapps now!

Bride has replied saying that she doesn't know what we've organised but if it's suitable for children, she's not coming Grin she's also said she will message Demanding Woman as she knows what she can be like.

Hoping hoping hoping that will be the end of it and Demanding Woman will not attend.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 21:36

I am a parent and most of us on here, we all think that this is not acceptable.its a hen do, not a family occasion. If I were one of the hens, I woukd not be happy with kids on hen do, changes the whole dynamic. Can you imagine this on a stag do!

Brummiegirl15 · 05/08/2017 21:36

I'm pregnant too so also teetotal with you!

Loving your style, perfect response.

"You aren't a parent".. oh fuck off

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 21:36

Well done that bride!

OrphanAccount · 05/08/2017 21:36

Go Bride!

KarmaNoMore · 05/08/2017 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 05/08/2017 21:37

I like your bride.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2017 21:37

The Bride sounds like she knows the score Wink.

Let's hope she tells the daft bugger to leave child and bloke at home or not come at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/08/2017 21:38

That woman has more front than Buckingham Palace! Selfish entitled woman, ruining the brides hen do! Good on bride having words with her, she needs taking down a peg or two, looks like she has firm for this.

JaneEyre70 · 05/08/2017 21:38

Bride sounds fab Grin