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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Spadequeen · 05/08/2017 21:23

stupid bloody idiot!

Keep repeating yourself, not appropriate for toddlers. Good luck, stay strong!

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/08/2017 21:24

Sadly I did think your initial response was a bit too nice and gave room for her to come back with something so her response doesn't surprise me. I'm a parent and don't understand her shit at all, as neither would anyone else on here. She's talking crap.

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:24

Okay might have been a bit OTT of me but she's really pissed me off so I posted in the group chat as well:

Really looking forward to the weekend away now! As it's so close, just to let you know, we can't make any changes to accommodation or bookings and we definitely can't accommodate children. Looking forward to meeting you all soon"

She left the chat.

And everyone else thinks I'm utterly nuts for mentioning children.

Might make DH have a glass of wine just so I can sniff it.

OP posts:
dowhatyouwish · 05/08/2017 21:24

I'm sitting here with my mouth wife open. The cheek of this woman. I hope this does make the Daily Fail so she can see what an arse she is doing. I love lots of little babies but would not want to see any of them at my hen weekend NOR any DHs. I can't get over the fact that the DH can't care for the child for one night on his own. Ridiculous

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 05/08/2017 21:25

After a long day at work this thread is exactly what I needed OP Grin

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:26

Good woman OP. You're a formidable (and dignified) opponent for bratzilla mum.

GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 21:26

If she's left the chat you 100% need to screenshot her batshit messages and drop her in it!

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 05/08/2017 21:26

OP, MN is your home. You've dealt with this perfectly.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 05/08/2017 21:27

So they want the sofa bed? So at 7pm when it's little ones bedtime you all have to trot off to bed too. Or when you come in from your night out you can't sit in their and have a laugh about the evening because darling child is asleep. Which means silence when you come in, tiptoeing up to bed.

Err, no. She needs to bloody think about what she's saying. And stop being so damn selfish.

MummyJess123 · 05/08/2017 21:27

She's left the chat?
So she's incredibly childish as well as entitled?

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 05/08/2017 21:27

YADDDDDDNBU! What? Confused

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/08/2017 21:28

Can't wait for the others to start thanking you for averting that bloody piss take Grin. I'd be falling over myself to show my appreciation for not being lumbered with someone else's toddler and partner on a hen weekend. I'm thinking of a hen weekend we all went on and imagining a child and partner there! Just NO!!!

CassandraCross · 05/08/2017 21:28

I fear this will get ugly.

How can she possibly think it appropriate to bring her dh and toddler to a hen do? Has she no awareness of how that will impact on everyone else particularly in light of the shared accommodation. The bride may well love the child but not at her hen do.

Good luck with this one OP.

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 05/08/2017 21:28

Full marks for a brilliant approach, OP. Group message perfect!

Chattycat78 · 05/08/2017 21:28

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and the hen party! How dare she! I myself missed a very close friend"s hen party last year because I had a 2 month old baby I couldn't leave due to BF and of course I wasn't going to rock up to the hen party with the baby. Hmm

Some people have such a cheek! And also second the part about child free time- all those with kids will be looking forward to a weekend without children! She shouldn't be going if she can't be separated from the toddler- end of!

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:28

I have explained that I'd had queries about children coming so that's why I mentioned it. Obvious who it was since everyone can see she left the chat, and now much hilarity with people talking about how delighted they are to be away from the kids for a weekend etc etc

I've had a reply from her just saying "Fine."

I would love to hope that's going to be the end of it but she hasn't said she's cancelling so I imagine she's going to the bride. Glad I messaged the bride too now to give her a bit of warning.

Not how I planned to spend my saturday night but I'm glad it's providing entertainment Grin I always read threads like this and think come on really, people are not actually like this...

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 21:30

Have to spoken to the bride yet, OP? Assuming she isn't included on the chat. I think I'd be getting in there before the mad hen.

TheAntiBoop · 05/08/2017 21:30

They're just going to turn up aren't they

Racmactac · 05/08/2017 21:30

Wtf. Why on earth would you think this is acceptable.

I wouldn't want a child on a hen weekend. Her nonsense about you obviously don't have kids - I have kids and wouldn't find this acceptable

Newtothis2017 · 05/08/2017 21:30

I have never heard of anything as bonkers as this woman😲 I wouldn't want to go on a hen do with someone else's kid and partner

Elizabethsimpson · 05/08/2017 21:30

I just burst out laughing at the thought of getting a message in a hen group telling me I couldn't bring my children and even funnier if you imagine it on a stag group. My husband (who is a pretty fair and rational guy) also thinks this is 'captain weird.'

ethelfleda · 05/08/2017 21:30

Ooooooh the plot thickens!!

God I love MN sometimes... all the shameless glee of the drama without actually being involved!!

I do really feel for you OP!! But you are handling this beautifully!
I'm also preggers so I'll be teetotal with you this evening Smile

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 21:30

Oh, cross post. Good move. The bride needs to know.

jpclarke · 05/08/2017 21:31

Inner her kid would not act up half as much as she thinks when she would actually be gone. She probably acts up with her Dad when she knows her mother is in the house.

crazywriter · 05/08/2017 21:31

What cheek! Well handled OP. I missed a close friend's hen do because of childcare issues (DH was away for exams on the other side of the country at the time and parents or ILs we rent available). I knew right away a child at the hen do would be UR somade my apologies. It was a shame but the only option.

Bloody entitled women thinking their children are the centre of the universe can do one.

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