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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 21:17

Sadly I have been in almost your exact position, so I know all too well what to say!

I think I eventually snapped and went with "I tell you what, bringing your kid is a great idea - we can use their baby oil to lube the stripper. I'll make sure to get them an extra penis drinking straw." Blush

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:17

Seriously OP, all the other guests who are parents and planning some childfree fun will be all 'HELL NO' at the idea of someone bringing their kid (and drippy husband) along.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/08/2017 21:17

Feel free to tell her that as a mother with 26 years and 6 kids worth of experience I think she is being utterly ridiculous. I would simply not go, but then my kids do not have a useless waste of space as a father, he can actually look after them! Who knew?! :o

Lou573 · 05/08/2017 21:18

This is bonkers! I have a difficult toddler and it's conceivable that I wouldn't be able to have a weekend away from her as she screams for me at night.

At no point would I think it appropriate to take her on a hen do!!

OlennasWimple · 05/08/2017 21:18

Ask her if her DD prefers tomato or cheese sauce on her penis pasta?

tireddotcom72 · 05/08/2017 21:18

This is great Saturday night reading! I need to know what happens before Monday when I go on holiday!

Flowersonthewall · 05/08/2017 21:18

So the child won't be a bother however can't be out of sight of her mother? How does that even work?? What's the husband going to do just sit with the child? Can't quite get my head round how she actually thinks this will work?

What a knob.

AfunaMbatata · 05/08/2017 21:18

Shock Best thread all week!!

tribpot · 05/08/2017 21:18

There's a shitstorm brewing here. How is that she 'understands' the bed in the living room to be a double? Because your co-organiser has told her, I assume. You seem to have unilaterally acted without discussion with your co-organiser (even though you were quite right that the request is beyond ridiculous) and I fear you are now going to have to deal with an alliance of Entitled Guest and Disgruntled Co-organiser, both saying it is absolutely fine and it can all just be worked out.

If they also then go to the bride with a carefully edited version of the story, you are going to be well and truly over-ruled and the hen do (which already sounds like a bust) is going to be excruciating.

I think by all means now you've taken the tack of 'no changes can be made' you might as well follow it to its logical conclusion but I can't see how this ends well.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/08/2017 21:19

If she needs to be "in line of sight" of toddler, you're not going to to get any peace

MaximaDeWit · 05/08/2017 21:19

Oh
My
God!

How do people end up thinking it's ok to act like this?! I was conscious or my TALKING about my kid too much on the last hen do I went on... I would never in a million years expect to have been able to bring him along.

Re: this part of one of your earlier posts, OP: I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

He's, if her DD isn't sleep then she DOES have to work around that... HER WORK AROUND IS THAT SHE DOESN'T ATTEND A HEN DO!

Can you imagine if her child played up and kept you all up wailing?!

NoTimeToDillyDally · 05/08/2017 21:20

Just say no

Parentinginpyjamas · 05/08/2017 21:20

Op, congratulations on your pregnancy and well done for organising what sounds like an amazing hen do Flowers

Toddlers don't really work like this! They don't sit a few tables away gazing silently at parent, comforted by her mere presence... if they did I would have showered today and also still have some self-respect. I have not and I do not.

DONT LET THIS HAPPEN.

YADNBU

Cake
TipTop333 · 05/08/2017 21:20

Messaging the bride is the right idea. I probably would have done it right away, but what you said to her was good.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:20

Best thread all week!!

Grin

Poor OP having to deal with this but I love all the glee it's giving everyone sitting at home in their pants wine in hand.

thenightsky · 05/08/2017 21:20

Ask her if her DD prefers tomato or cheese sauce on her penis pasta?

^^This.

Grin
Frouby · 05/08/2017 21:20

Wow. More front thsn blackpool that one!

Who the fuck thinks a man is appropriate to come on a hen do, never mind a toddler!

Just reply that everyone else has paid too. Per person not per family. And that she is a cheeky fucker for expecting a 3 for 1 deal. And its a no from you!

Writerwannabe83 · 05/08/2017 21:21

This thread is brilliant!!!

I can't believe her response!!!

Just ask her where everyone else is supposed to socialise, drink and have fun if her daughter and partner are asleep in the living room?

Cheeky cow!

MrsPringles · 05/08/2017 21:21

Ask her if her DD prefers tomato or cheese sauce on her penis pasta?
*
HAAAAAAAA,* this is hilarious Grin

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 21:21

Hope not @tribpot - people know the breakdown of the rooms because it was agreed who would be sharing with who and we let people know that there is a sofa bed in the lounge that people would have to share when we booked to make sure everyone was happy...

I did message the co organiser to tell her it couldn't work and I was happy to message her and tell her she couldn't bring extra people, but didn't get a reply so forged ahead....guess I should have waited for a reply really but there was no way she could make it work so thought it was best to deal with it asap.

OP posts:
MaximaDeWit · 05/08/2017 21:21

Toddlers don't really work like this! They don't sit a few tables away gazing silently at parent, comforted by her mere presence... if they did I would have showered today and also still have some self-respect. I have not and I do not.

🤣

And congratulations, OP!

BubbleLamp · 05/08/2017 21:22

How can anyone in their right mind think this is ok?!

Hang in there OP!

FrogsSitonLogs · 05/08/2017 21:22

It really isn't yours or anyone else's problem if her DH can't settle their toddler. They've got two weeks to sort it out.

squoosh · 05/08/2017 21:22

Toddlers don't really work like this! They don't sit a few tables away gazing silently at parent, comforted by her mere presence...

Word.

jpclarke · 05/08/2017 21:23

This is completely insane. It doesn't matter how much the bride thinks of said child it's a bloody hen do. I have kids and never would even contemplate bringing my kids to a hen. You just don't go. And I would never dream of being so patronising and saying to someone about their family situation. How dare she, she doesn't know that you are pregnant, trying to get pregnant etc etc