AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

Tell her that she has to pay for her dh and child to come so if she wants to take them they will need to pay x amount just like everyone else. dont do that really

"I apologise if I wasn't clear the first time - your child will not be accommodated on the hen do, her attendance is not appropriate." is perfect.

'Sorry guys can you keep it down. I know it's only 8 but Matilda really needs her sleep. Oh and I'd appreciate it of you wouldn't drink in front of her, it doesn't really set the right example. Thanks guys'.

Oh my Giddy Aunt.
I would just say it isn't feasible, hen do's are an adult event, there are adult activities and having a child around isn't appropriate. Be firm with her.

Also, she may have paid but she effectively wants to pay the same as everyone else for 3 people, mention that too, tell her it's just not on.

Actually just send ' I'm assuming that's a cancel then? so sad sorry to hear it. Maybe you can get out for a meal before the wedding then'

As if she hasn't suggested anything.

See I was right, while typing my response she was doing the whole put the guilt on the op!
Not a parent Wirde than I feared

• worse

She's suggesting that she and her partner have the sofa bed in living room?
So any hen whom wants to sneak out to kitchen at 3am for a glass of water will tiptoe past them in her PJs? And where is toddler sleeping?

Her response is so arsey! Makes it really awkward for you when you finally meet her.

Taking over the living room with her family on a hen do?? Does she understand the concept of a hen do? I agree that you should involve the bride now... The bride liking her child is completely irrelevant to this situation. She does not have to waste her money, she just needs to cop on and not derail the entire weekend by arriving with her toddler and ridiculous husband in tow. The fact that he is agreeing to this also speaks volumes about his character. What man would accompany his wife to a hen do with his toddler FFS?

And what if one of the hens gets lucky and brings a farmer home?

The nerve... put a message on group chat saying at this stage no changes can be made and obviously no children can attend. They when everyone else starts saying they are looking forward to going away without their children she will get the hint.

Just waiting for this to pop up on Daily Fail now so she can recognise herself and murder me in my sleep.

I sent Fenellas suggestion... I didn't add any niceties or anything. I'm also going to message to bride to tell her she may hear from her as she's not happy with a decision i've made regarding her bringing her child and partner.

Also, imagine the morning. Everyone will be hungover and wanting a lie-in and there'll be a toddler bouncing around the living room at 7am!

My exact words would be "no that's not okay, fuck off". I have a 3 months old and I simply would not go to a hen do if my other half couldn't cope and needed me there. She sounds like a nightmare.

This is better than family fortunes this. What a cheeky twat.

A man who wants a free holiday? I'm going to guess this is all about them wanting a little break. You'll probably end up babysitting....

Bloody hell...
I can't believe that people like this exist.
Stand your ground. What a stupid comment re: whether you are a parent or not.

Hen dos are not for toddlers! No toddlers at hen dos!

Is she the only mother going? If not that is even worse! Any other parent who might be there will be looking forward to childfree weekend only to find they have to put up with someone elses child. She just said the child will be a nightmare when she is not there - it that's the case I really doubt she not going to be any bother. She is ruining it for everyone!

Good luck OP! Stick you your guns. Lady you're very welcome to come - but like everyone else your toddler and DP are not. That's how hen dos go. Take it or leave it.

Well done OP, you've got this

She was never going to go away quietly, OP. I think you have to be blunt and reply "yes it is a problem actually, and it has taken a lot of effort to arrange this HEN weekend. It is not for partners and children. Let me know if you are still coming".

. I've paid for this just like everyone else
So why should she get to dictate what everyone else does?

Urgh, her response is so arsey.

If she and her snowflake toddler and husband are in the living room, does that mean it's completely out of bounds for everyone else?

Oh dear. Yep, broken record time, don't engage with her suggestions, tell her Bratzilla is not coming, simple as that. It might be better to get the bride involved, I'm sure it would be a big problem no matter how much she "loves" the kid!

Bit late to the party, but:

Tell her yes, she did pay. For herself. Not for her partner and child. Besides, this is a hen party, not a crèche, and you don't intend to tiptoe around a child.

I was at a hen weekend recently and one of the hens was in a very similar position. She left her DH to look after their child, and chose to go home overnight and come back the next day (she was relatively local). At no point was bringing her DH & DC to the hen weekend an option. She dealt the fuck with her own problem, like an adult.

You may as well cancel

What's she going to do have a tantrum when she can't get DC to sleep due to noise?

Hen partys need to be a night out on the piss and home to bed not a tea party for toddlers