AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

[thelentil]

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

She is awful. I know what he does for them. We both treat whatever they have, but they don't live with us, they live with her, which is why I think she should be looking after them better.

I started out moaning about the stepchildren's mother not looking after them better, however I'm now being vilified for not paying her maintenance. They aren't my children, it would not be appropriate for me to be anything other than a step parent, offering care, shelter, clothing, food, well being and emotional support if they need it, they have a mother, I think she could do better but she's still their mother, not me.

Step parenting sucks, you get the responsibility, financial and emotional, the crap from them and their mother, no upsides as far as I can tell, they are really nice kids, I'm very fond of them, but if dh and I did split up, where would that leave me with them? Nowhere, I have no rights over them, my lo would lose siblings, I might never see them again, yet I still provide for them. I don't begrudge it them but I do begrudge the expectation that I should be trying to make her life better. Not my problem, that's between her and her ex. For their sake I wish their mother would get her shit together. I would also like if they would remember to wear socks.

Mummyoflittledragon why should he give all his salary away when he has a child with the OP. He doesn't have to pay the full cost for his children because someone else helped create them and is 50% responsible for the cost of raising them. The mother.

But I'm not convinced that making the decision for H to be. SAHD when OP knows he has responsibilities to his older children is a reasonable act

it would not be appropriate for me to be anything other than a step parent

It would when YOUR family decisions has affected the step kids. You sound really bitter

Jacqueshammer well what else exactly should OP be doing?!

Oh dear! No wonder step-mothers get a bad name!

You haven't said their age but if socks is a sticking point could you set up a reward jar for them. So when they remember to wear them they can save us reward points for a treat. Depending on their ages stickers can work miracles

Well encouraging her DH not to opt out of supporting his kids to a reasonable level would be a start.....their family decision has repercussions to his other children

Boobooboo. I suspect paying 15% of 2 evenings salary if he is paying CSA amount does not equal the 60% cost of raising 2 children. Therefore knowing he has this responsibility it is irresponsible and unfair to chose to do this.

So now the OP is responsible for making her DH work more to provide more money to his first partner

That's their issue and their responsibility and has fuck all to do with why the kids have veruccas and nits.

I never said he's responsible at CSA levels at 15% or whatever it may be. he should be paying 50% of the cost of raising his children is what I said.

Oops typo 50% I meant.

All money should be family money and then the CSA percentage applied if you believe it appropriate for him to be the SAHP as by doing this he is chosibg to restrict his earning capacity and therefore to limit his maintenance payment

Yes but the problem is he isn't paying 50% of their cost because OP and he have arranged that he earns a pittance and pays an even smaller pittance for maintenance.

And what does that have to do with verrucas and nits?

But yeah OP your DH needs to pay 50% of the cost of raising his two kids. Or they should live with you a week on a week off. Which may actually be beneficial for them.

No Booboo but they as a couple should be responsible for not making decisions that negatively affect his children.

It amazes me how many women not only find men attractive who are so willing to not step up in the advent of a marital split, but go on and have more children with them

Booboo

Upthread op said he works 2 days and now works 2 evenings. Op said they don't need the money from the 2 evenings. I am referring to that Money. Not his entire income.

Why should she be grateful to you for picking up her ex's slack?

medical advice re veruccas is t leave well alone. keep them in shoes and socks in the house and wash out baths and showers after use. Don't share towels. Re nits hmmm they need treating BUT it is school that is the issue not really the mother - its maybe just not on her radar some people are like that. Treat once then treat after 14 days then comb regularly with fine comb

As a step parent you have to step up sometimes we aren't all perfect. Get OH to mention to Mother that you have deloused them and she might want to do herself as they were crawling (get him to mention telling the school as well as a push in the right direction)

If anyone finds verucca treatment that is not the freezing that works let me know. We run a constant battle with them.

Ok so I'm reading through and no where does it say that he doesn't pay 50% of the cost of raising the children- totally prepared to accept it if I'm wrong on that. So are we all just presuming that he isn't paying that much? So how do we know that it's negatively affecting the children. From what I can see although lacksidaisical in his attitude DH did administer medication and provide it to his children's mother to use as well. She just didn't use it.

She should be grateful chesty that someone is stepping up to prevent the children from having nits and painful veruccas.

The verrucas and nits - yes I get the mother should sort this and it must be frustrating for OP to have to continually have yo deal at her end too. However knowing this is the case she and more importantly her 'd'h should to a check on both as they arrive and implement docks on rule, treatment (he can comb too I assume).

However knowing he had responsibility for 2 kids either he should be working to assume 50% cost responsibility but if they as a family decide to make him earn less then that is as bad as the deadbeat dads that chose not to work or as self employed declare really smsll amounts whilst living a lavish lifestyle. OP is actively taking part in this.

Booboo.
In her post of 19.22, Op says her dh pays the CSA amount. Unless he's on mega bucks, no way is this paying 50% for the children. He works 2 days and 2 evenings.

So like I said we are just presuming he isn't paying 50% of the costs. There's no actual proof of that before you started flaming the OP and trying to make it her fault. When all she wanted was to have a rant about the fact her step kids have a shitty mum who would rather her children were bullied than treat them for nits. Who would rather they were in pain than treat them for veruccas.

To clarify, he has always worked 2 full days, he now also works evenings, so he can pay her maintenance. This impacts on me because I would prefer to have him at home in the evenings.

Has anyone wondered what she paid in maintenance while they lived with us for over a year? Nothing, not a penny.

Financial considerations aside (we have sent them home with meds often) I still wish she would make more effort, she is their mother after all

What Mummyof little dragon says says - CSA minimum amount of very part time pay snd suddenly working 2 days and 2 evenibgs when she originally referred to just 2 evenings! I suspect it doesn't even cover half cost of one child let alone two.

This isn't about the money.

It sounds as their father should make more of an effort as well. He wants them to live with their mother even though you think she neglects them. Does he then she neglects them?