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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
Fettuccinecarbonara · 07/08/2017 22:07

I'm also wondering how he is today?

JustMumNowNotMe · 08/08/2017 05:59

I really hope he's been seen now OP and its nothing serious

sueelleker · 08/08/2017 06:41

Can you get your GP to make a home visit?

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2017 08:00

Why would the gp make a home visit? The son is a competent adult who has made the daftchoice not to see them.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 09:29

GPs cannot make HV to competent adults on the say so of a worried family member or friend.

Hope he's feeling better and/or has decided to do the grown-up thing and get seen Thanks

Chimchar · 08/08/2017 09:43

No advice, just loads of sympathy.
My teens are a bit younger, but I know how bloody hard it is to get them to do anything they don't want to!

I'm guessing your ds's fear of being really sick is at the root of all this. I really hope you can get him seen, and I hope it's something easy to fix. X

BlackJesus · 08/08/2017 09:48

Unleash the nana!

Hissy · 08/08/2017 11:15

Yip, big up da Nana...

Graphista · 08/08/2017 12:37

Could be any number of things, could be a combo of 2 or more different things.

But it does need investigated and treated.

Could be just a nasty cough bug he's struggling to get rid of right up to asthma (which can come on in adulthood though rare my first attack I was nearly 20), cancer or even hiv (flu like symptoms can be conversion).

But even a 'simple' chest infection if left untreated can become v serious, it's how I ended up with pleural pneumonia, in hospital for 2 weeks on a drip.

Part of being an adult is doing the stuff you hate because you know it's the responsible thing to do.

I too hate needles but I tell the hcp and try to make sure I see a particular practice nurse who is very good at it (quick and doesn't muck about).

usersos · 08/08/2017 13:26

I'm pretty sure the op knows that he needs to see the gp! It's a case of how that's she needs help with?!
Adding to her worry with what it might be isn't going to help! X

Paddybare · 09/08/2017 08:03

Hope you managed to get your son seen OP and that he's on the road to recovery.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 10/08/2017 16:03

Sorry for the lack of updates, I have going around in circles with him and he still hasn't been seen, but Nana has had a word and he is now 'considering' going to the doctor. He has admitted he is scared of having a blood test and he knows he needs one. So I am slowly making progress, but even the offer of money to be seen hasn't worked.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 10/08/2017 16:24

Young men are usually the easiest people to take a blood test from as they tend to have prominent veins. I used to deal with lots of teens who were absolutely terrified of needles ( despite multiple piercings and tattoos Hmm ) and almost every time they were amazed when it was done how little it hurt. Some actually didn't even believe I had done it.

Have a look on YouTube maybe for any short vids on dealing with needle phobias?

Original poster
Steggers123 · 10/08/2017 16:44

Success!! GP appointment made for next Friday, wish it could have been sooner but that was the first available. Just need to keep my fingers crossed he does not change his mind!

OP posts:
countingdown · 10/08/2017 17:36

If he's agreed to go it may be worth calling your surgery each morning between now and next Friday to see if you can get an emergency appointment. Glad he's agreed to go though.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 10/08/2017 18:07

Counting, that's a really good idea, I ran through everything with the receptionist and was hoping for something a bit sooner. But at least we have a week to work on the needle phobia, which I am struggling to understand as he had his nose pierced.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 10/08/2017 18:12

You could ask him if he would agree to speak to a dr over the phone. I do this with my hubby and then I ring the surgery and ask a dr to call his mobile. Then the dr rings my hubby's mob and chats about his symptoms and sets up an appt of he thinks he needs a consult. It's the only way I can get him to sort his medical issues. And I know he should be sorting himself but if I'm worried about his health, this is what I do. Coughing could also be heart problems unfort.

ittakes2 · 10/08/2017 18:14

By the way, you can get a local anaesthetic cream from the chemist which reduces the pain of blood tests. It's what they use on kids before they take blood.

PancakesAteTheChildren · 10/08/2017 18:55

Emla cream for needles is amazing!

Original poster
Steggers123 · 10/08/2017 21:21

I'll try and get hold of some cream, its not so much he's worried about it hurting, it's the whole blood thing, he fainted during his last blood test. Next week is certainly going to be interesting with results day on Thursday and then the doctor on Friday, lots of Prosecco is going to be needed I think Grin

OP posts:
stonecircle · 10/08/2017 22:20

I suspect it's not anything to do with fear of the pain - doesn't really hurt after all. DH is terrible with needles - has fainted (resulting in concussion) and collapsed with anaphylactic shock due to needles. He doesn't know why. He's not frightened of the pain at all, it's just something about the thought of the needle going into his skin. I've seen the colour drain from his face at the sight of a needle (when it wasn't even for him). The dr who did an amnio for me took one look at him and sent him out of the room..

Getting him to go for any dental work is a nightmare and he has to be in serious pain to consider it. Only advice he's been given is to make sure he eats lots of carbs before jabs/blood tests to make sure his blood sugar isn't too low. And of course to lie down when bloods are taken just in case!

Interestingly, big, rough, rugby playing ds also passed out cold when having a jab.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 10/08/2017 22:27

Ok, so now I am seriously freaking out. Ds went out this evening and has just come home. He's sitting on the settee tucking into a kebab (he's a proper northern boy) when he casually mentions that he thinks he spat blood earlier. I asked him whether he was coughing at the time, he said no and he thinks maybe it came from his gums. He thinks he has wisdom teeth coming through so could that account for it? Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 10/08/2017 22:27

Fainting or feeling faint during any kind of procedure (or even just at the thought of one) is really common and nothing to do with pain or how drastic the procedure is.
Reassure him that IF a blood test is required (none of us here know what may or may not be wrong with him) then the nurse or phlebotomist who will take the sample will have seen it all before.
It can be helpful if he says beforehand that he is worried and that he may feel faint. It it was me I'd then do the blood test with him lying down, just to avoid anything unpleasant.

The last person that fainted on me (almost literally!) was a 200lbs butcher btw... ShockGrin

And I used to be a fainter - v common in teenagers and really truly nothing to worry about or be ashamed of.

Really I'd not bother with EMLA, the actual pain of a blood test is minimal and by treating it that fear actually gets reinforced.

Get him seen and then see what transpires.
A week tomorrow is quite far away - if you are worried ask for an on the day or emergency appointment.

PacificDogwod · 10/08/2017 22:29

X-post.
Don't freak out.
Spitting a bit of blood is neither here nor there.

If it is a lot (more than a tablespoon) and/or he has abdominal pain and/or is unwell then seek urgent medical help.

MrsCK · 10/08/2017 22:32

Good luck xx