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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my son to see the GP

253 replies

Steggers123 · 04/08/2017 08:25

Good morning, my eldest son turned 18 three weeks ago so is now an adult so I know hands are tied on this. For the past few weeks he has had a cough, some days not coughing much, some days coughing a lot. He has lost weight over the last six months going from a 32" waist to a 28" waist (he has shot up in height which may account for this). He is tired all the time, after a big night out last week it took him three days to recover.

I've just been in too see him and his face looks sweaty and waxy as it now does most mornings. I'm worried and want him to see the doctor, but he is refusing...he's 18, going to uni soon and I have to let him have his independence. So am I really being unreasonable or would you too be concerned?

OP posts:
mumof06darlings · 06/08/2017 13:47

Can you just get firm and open the door and just say come on now - into the car - I don't care what you say etc etc and literally match him out

mumof06darlings · 06/08/2017 13:48

March not match

DianaMitford · 06/08/2017 14:40

Fingers crossed it's nothing serious op because it doesn't sound like he's going to be amenable to medical attention until he's on his deathbed and the choice is out of his hands.

He sounds frightened to me. And I bet he bloody is. Seeking treatment is the right way to combat this.

Original poster
Steggers123 · 06/08/2017 15:21

Diana, I think he is scared because he said 'are you saying I've got Leukaemia'. I haven't mentioned the possibility of him having anything nasty at all, so that must be something that he is thinking about. He's always been very strong willed and if he believes he is right he will argue until he wears you down. So this is really going to be a battle of the wills. I'm seriously considering unleashing his Nana, who although 80 would march round and physically drag him out of bed.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 06/08/2017 15:29

I agree with mum below-say to him 'look, you wally, I very much doubt it's anything serious, but it could be pneumonia or something, you might just need antibiotics! I'm making you an appointment for tomorrow, and I'm taking you. I'm your mum, and I'm going to look after you no matter what you say'.

Try it- he might be glad you're taking control. Good luck.

JennyOnAPlate · 06/08/2017 15:35

Unleash Nana op!

Tell him that you don't want him coughing his germs over the rest of the family. He either goes to the doctors or he's confined to his bed with no TV/Tablet/phone until he's stopped coughing.

Maryz · 06/08/2017 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alpacasandwich · 06/08/2017 15:50

He should be seen, especially due to his history of inconclusive Crohn's. Sometimes IBD can present with chronic cough.

He may want to brush this under the carpet, but if he rattles on with the illness he could end up in hospital for something that is currently treatable.

stonecircle · 06/08/2017 16:22

I sympathise op. I recently managed to get my 20 year old ds to the dr after weeks of him telling me it wasn't worth it. He had the worst hay fever I've ever seen and then he told me he was waking up in the middle of the night unable to catch his breath. I made the appointment and gave him half an hour's notice. He's very happy with his heavy duty meds and asthma pump Hmm. Same issue with 18 year old ds over a really ugly rash on his tummy and legs. Appointment made and half an hour's notice. Tube of ointment prescribed for folliculitis which cleared up almost overnight. Hopefully the scars from weeks of refusing to see a gp will fade ...

Both minor compared to your DS's symptoms op. But both my sons really resisted then gave in when I told them they had an appointment - now.

Others have mentioned the meningitis jab. Could you make an appointment for that which at least gets him there. That would be with a nurse. Could you make an appointment with the dr around the same time? Maybe not even tell him, just do a 'while you're here' routine?

Failing that, I'd be hiding his bank card/cash/shoes/phone until he agrees to go. Good luck Flowers

brasty · 06/08/2017 16:28

A pale and sweaty face is a very common sign of asthma. As is a cough

brasty · 06/08/2017 16:30

Sounds like he is scared of leukemia. Reassure him the symptoms mean he is more likely to have something like asthma. Agree with making an appointment for him.

EmeraldIsle100 · 06/08/2017 18:16

Could you rope in someone like aunties, grandparents etc to tell him they think he should go?

Whatslovegottodo · 06/08/2017 20:00

Have you managed to get him seen OP?

Original poster
Steggers123 · 06/08/2017 20:21

No, not been seen. He's up and in the bath and has eaten. All I can do is just keep plugging away, my Mum and brother are going to try and speak to him tomorrow. I am seriously frustrated with him, something is holding him back but I'm not sure if its fear or something else.

OP posts:
stonecircle · 06/08/2017 20:39

Why don't you make an appointment op? He may change his mind if you do as I did and just tell him about it at the last minute.

wannabestressfree · 06/08/2017 21:21

I don't understand why you don't just say 'I have made an appointment, I am sorry if you feel like this is a waste of your time but I don't' and bloody take him.

I would and I have three sons. Our responsibilities don't stop when they turn 18.

Lovetunnocks · 06/08/2017 21:25

Sorry can't read whole thread on crappy phone so might be repeating stuff but is he weeing a lot and drinking a lot? Weight loss and an odd pallor can be Type 1 diabetes. If it's this he needs to see doc ASAP. Hope you get it sorted.

Lovetunnocks · 06/08/2017 21:28

Sorry - see Purple already raised the possibility of Type 1.

Hawkmoth · 06/08/2017 22:07

Ok. I don't know how helpful this is but if I was a young boy my worst doctor scenario would be a testicular lump. It's probably not that so you could ask him straight and use that shame to say something like "even if you had a lump on your testicle the doctor will have seen it before, they wouldn't look you in the eye during examination, they wouldn't notice your penis size so whatever's wrong with you isn't going to be that bad. And even that is finished in two minutes."

But then again I have very doctor phobic children and I use worst case scenarios on them so they don't end up with raging infections. ASD makes them inveterate pickers and only the thought of needle aspiration makes them stop and find alternative activities with their hands.

OddBoots · 06/08/2017 22:14

If he is off to Uni has he had the meningitis vaccination they offer for new students yet? If not maybe that would be an opening for discussion, he needs to be checked before he has anything else added to his system.

corythatwas · 06/08/2017 22:20

Steggers123 Sun 06-Aug-17 13:10:58
"Had another chat with him, he can't understand the need to see a doctor so I ran through him symptoms again and his response was, 'well Mum with the symptoms I've got it's either nothing or something serious and who wants bad news'."

To which the answer is: "So you'd rather give something serious to your brothers, then?"

Gannicusthemannicus · 06/08/2017 23:49

Sounds to me like he's been googling his symptoms.

I, especially at 18, was the master of downplaying illness. My sore throat turned out to be severe tonsillitis that left me in bed for 2 weeks solid, I left my gum pain until I was feverish and couldn't open my mouth (wisdom tooth infection), and the 'slight' pain in my arm was actually a fracture! I would refuse to go to the doctor as well as I thought I was overreacting, and my Dad would have to call the GP himself, then hand me the phone to push me to make the appointment.

Personally, I would make the appointment, and tell him to get in the car. Make it clear there is no other option. Take him unwashed and in his slippers if need be. He is ignoring his ill health and going out is going to only do him a mischief - if he wants to act irresponsibly, he will be treated that way.

pinkhousesarebest · 07/08/2017 16:47

How is he today OP?

nickyschof · 07/08/2017 18:31

Ditto what pink says. How is he today?

niccyb · 07/08/2017 18:39

Is your son experiencing increased thirst or increased urine output as well as the weight loss and waxy look and sweating. If so, I would definitely get him checked out. If all of the above, could be diabetes.

I would get him checked out anyway as if it is drugs or something else, it would be worth tackling before he goes to uni x