Aibu to think this wasn't a proud mummy moment (or shouldn't have been?)

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Before I go any further, I am changing some details as if the person who this is about read it, they would 100% know who I am and I don't need the grief. I just read this fb status update and my mind screamed "Mumsnet"!

So a friend of mine was waiting in line in a pharmacy for a prescription with her 8yo daughter. The line was long and the place was busy. There were apparently three children, aged between 5 and 10, all with same dad, who were running riot, picking things up and dropping them, shouting and bawling, climbing on the waiting chairs and jumping off, when apparently my friends dd said loudly, staring at said father "ugh, I just can't stand it when parents are too lazy to make their naughty children behave". According to my friend, the father looked angrily at her daughter and was 'about to say something', when another random customer apparently piped up 'well said, pet!'

To which my friend's reaction was "and too right, proud mummy moment, can not stand badly behaved kids myself".

Aibu in thinking that rather than be proud, my friend should have been mortified that her dd was so bloody rude? I mean, ok, maybe the children were being unruly and badly behaved, but is it really an 8 year olds place to loudly admonish the parent? I'd have been crawling out of the place apologetically and coming back for my prescription later, not puffing my chest proudly. Or am I wrong and my friend and her dd were in the right?

@noloveofmine - I hate that word. Has conotations of sexism. Many people don't care if boys give an opinion or aren't nice but the minute girls demonstrate the same behaviour they want to punish her for it. That is no way to raise successful women. Girls/women don't have to be nice or socially acceptable all the time.

She's smug.
I wouldn't have been.
I would have reprimanded DS1 for speaking out loud like that, however much I might have agreed with him.

@noloveofmine - I hate that word. Has conotations of sexism. Many people don't care if boys give an opinion or aren't nice but the minute girls demonstrate the same behaviour they want to punish her for it. That is no way to raise successful women. Girls/women don't have to be nice or socially acceptable all the time.

I agree Genghi. Girls are often raised to be quiet, deferential, not offer opinions etc. Though I don't think what the girl in question said was great and wasn't polite, she is only 8 (I expect children come out with all sorts of things they shouldn't - when my parents took me when they went to vote when I was 5 I informed the polling station of their voting intentions) and the issue the OP had was more with the mother's being proud of it anyway. I doubt a boy who said the same would be judged as widely in the same way and can't think of an equivalent term to "little madam" (a term loaded with sexism I believe) which would be used to describe one who did.

When my DD was about the same age, we were out for the day and she saw a man with a small baby in his arms smoking a cigarette. She very loudly said to me "eurgh, that's disgusting, that man should not be smoking in that babies face!".
You should have seen the daggers your man gave me while I was frantically hushing her and scuttling off! Now, on the one hand, yes dd was rude to say it so loud (she was always loud, she's a little deaf so can't help it) and no-one wants to be judged by a child, and I told her not to say such things especially in public. But on the other hand she was quite correct, it was disgusting to see this man literally blowing smoke into this tiny babies face, my DD at 8 had more sense than he did at his age.

i do think there is a differentset of values being applied. Two of the children behaving badly were similar ages to the DD. Their behaviour is being excused and reasons found for it. But a ten year old should certainly know how to stand sensibly inline in a shop and not climb on the chairs.
What the little girl said was rude and rather smug she is 8 - I think rather than label her with all sorts of nasty terms(and I agree little madam is very sexist) we should think that her social skills are not as finally honed as an adults. As adults we might well think what she was thinking - but rather than voice it we might roll our eyes, exchange judgy looks with other customers and then sound off when we got home. The DD's fault was to voice her thoughts, her wording was smug her delivery probably equally so - but she's 8,and probably copying what her mother has said.

Strange ho people can suddenly take sides in such a way and be really quite unpleasant about an 8 year old child they have never met based on one comment. Back stories are being invented for the other family to excuse obnoxious behaviour, while the little girl has been instantly labelled as a rude madam.

No need to recount the incident on FB, but all it needs is for the mother to have a word about sounding off in public not always being the way to go. Hopefully the dad also had words with his kids about how to behave in shops so you don;t irritate others who may be equally tired, fed up or unwell.

Whilst the child may have been preccoious, the sentiment is correct.
Its a sorry state of affairs that it takes an 8 year old to point out that this father should not be allowing his children to be picking stuff off shelves and dropping on the floor or jumping on and of the chairs.
I can't believe how many posters want to vilify the well behaved child and make excuses the badly behaved ones.

My opinion of what happened has nothing to do with whether the child in question was a boy or a girl. That said, I agree with Kurri in that I wouldn't (I hope) blame the child for saying it as she is only 8 and perhaps should have said that in my earlier post. I would, however, be desperately trying to stop her (not always possible I realise!).

I certainly hope I wouldn't be exchanging judgy looks with others in the queue. I'd be more likely to be shooting the dad a look of sympathy.

Witsender has this spot on. Ot would be rude from an adult too

There is no doubt the children the girl was criticising were behaving terribly!! A 10 year old pulling items off the shelf is shocking and their dad was clearly out of his depth. (Maybe the mum was ill?)

I don't think the issue is the 8 year old's comment, but the friend's boast on Facebook, which by any definition was cringeworthy.

I do agree that the term 'little madam' is incredibly sexist.

For all we know, the mother of those children could have just died, or be terminally ill, or the father could be dealing with depression. We just don't know and nor did the little girl who made the comment. She was rude and the mother is stupidly smug. I hope one day all that smugness comes to bite her

I think what she said was rather refreshing. These days we stare daggers or tut at the parents of unruly children but very few people say or do anything about it.

The child was obviously repeating what she hears a lot from adults. If I heard a child say this I would just be thinking she had rude, judgemental parents.

I hate smug people, no matter what age.

For all we know, the mother of those children could have just died, or be terminally ill, or the father could be dealing with depression. We just don't know and nor did the little girl who made the comment

No we don't. But it's actually much more likely that they are just badly behaved brats.

Imagine a different scenario.... mum instead of daughter said exactly the same thing in same volume of voice..... its just nasty PA and yes very rude. So why is it different if daughter said it?
If she had quietly commented to mum that behaviour was bad then fine but personally i would rather come across the 3 unruly kids than hear something like that from anyone's mouth

Imagine if the dad and two chums rather than the kids had been taking stuff off shelves and dropping it, shouting and bawling and climbing all over the furniture.

Would everyone still think anyone - child or adult - who commented was unreasonable (or invent a dead Mum to excuse the guys unacceptable behaviour?)

Such comparisons between adult and child behaviour are rather redundant I feel.

So many people defending unruly kids. A lot of guilt here I think.

If we cannot call out bad behaviour at a young age then why do we want to do later in life? Why is music played by neighbours worthy of complaint but kids "running riot, picking things up and dropping them, shouting and bawling, climbing on the waiting chairs and jumping off" is not. When do we accept that certain behaviours are not acceptable and try to instigate change.

If unruly children in a shop are acceptable then why not music during the daytime that is waking a baby from a nap?

So why is it different if daughter said it?

Because she is 8, obviously. She hasn't yet learned all the rules of adult behaviour.

For all we know, the mother of those children could have just died, or be terminally ill, or the father could be dealing with depression.

Or maybe - and here's an idea to get hold of - maybe he was just a lazy and ineffective parent? That's far more likely really.

Minionsrule... I would suggest its the height of rudeness to allow your children to run riot by jumping off chairs etc in front of people in a chemist who my be very ill.

There is nothing so crass as pulling up another on their manners (or grammar)

It's far ruder and anti social to let your 3 children run riot in public than it is for one young child to say what all the adults were probably actually thinking.

For all we know, the mother of those children could have just died, or be terminally ill, or the father could be dealing with depression. We just don't know and nor did the little girl who made the comment

Hahah! That's a real case of hearing hooves and thinking zebras!