To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

[EddysWildHair]

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

Pmsl, don't forget everyone, the OP is one of that mysterious breed that don't ONLY talk about their kids. Like most people I know.

for the sake of your children, and their friendships

you cant be an utter cunt like this OP

sorry but you have to smile, make mean less conversations every so often. no one likes it

Its being a human being, and a parent that functions in the mini society that is school, sports clubs

think of your kids OP , do it for them!

The op probably doesn't want her son invited to parties. Other parents tend to try and speak to you. I bet her child would like to go to parties though

Did you post this thread to spark something up OP?
As you know posters on MN give their honest opinions and some are more harsh than others so you must have known while typing your thread that you'd get a lot of people disagreeing with you and telling you how it is

You don't sound introverted and solitary, you sound aggressive, self righteous, self centred and downright nasty. If you believe this won't impact on your child's socialising, you're also deluded.

When I read the 'prisoner cell block H mum' I imagined a burly guard type like mrs trunchbull.

Hmm. It seems that you had already made your mind up that other mothers are vacant creatures who only want to speak about their children before bothering to get to know anybody. You have deliberately avoided becoming even friendly with anyone because you 'know' they only want to talk babies and gush about their 'little ones'. That is supremely arrogant and judgemental, don't you think? Having a couple of nodding acquaintances at the school gates doesn't stop you from having 'proper' friends whoa re very different people; it just oils life's wheels a bit and makes your child's life easier. At 4 or 5 he will get invited to lots of stuff but as the years go by, if you get a reputation for being nasty I'm afraid that WILL dry out very fast and your behaviour WILL have an impact.

None of this means you have to become best friends with anyone. Just be reserved without being bloody rude. You can engage for a minute or two then browse on your phone. You can smile and nod. You can let stuff wash over you. You don't have to be so prickly.

I have 4 kids. I am on nodding and brief chat ('acquaintance') terms with most of the parents of same-sex kids in their classes. I have actually gone on to have the odd coffee or become more friendly with probably 10 people across the 4 kids and real 'friends' with 3. I am quite a reserved person and I have plenty of friends outside of school mums, so I was never seeking friendships particularly and I don't tend to go on 'year 3 mums night out!' things. But there is absolutely no reason to attack someone who wasn't being mean to you in any way.

Ps I agree with others this may negatively impact your son. So much of play date stuff is also about parents being able to communicate and socialise a little.

Some of you are saying. That ops ds could possibly be left out of parties/play dates ect. However. I think it'll probably be the other way around, and. Op would leave a child out, because she doesn't like the parents.
Going to hide this thread now. My veins are coming out my neck.

Op - do you have ASD? A lot of people in the autistic spectrum don't mean to be rude and say things as they are without realising they are being rude. Do you think this could be you?

Play dates I mean at that age... Not when older.

You don' t like people, and you are honest about it. You did everything but dive into a bush to get away. Possibly could've worked on the tact a bit...you're kids might eventually want a playdate.

Be who you are. Too much time is spent pretending. Just maybe don't cuss people out at kiddy gatherings next time.
I find taking a book ,overtly reading with one eye on child, and dressing in a particular manner that separates you from the herd drives of the "let's be friends" squad fairly fast and ....er......won't fuck over your childrens future social life.

What is it with people who don't understand how rude it is to keep on and on pestering someone who doesn't want your company? OP has clearly had months of trying to fob this woman off politely and it hasn't worked. What else is she to do?

What a fucking joy you are!

She's had a lucky escape poor woman !

If you really do have a "circle of friends who GET you", op, I'd hold onto them for dear life, they are truly a rare breed.

*off - typo- sorry

How do you know she wants to 'talk child' all the time??? Most of us don't you know!

You aren't special in that way!

You need help.

Also, the reason men don't seem to talk about kids so much is because they don't do as much of the childcare, it's as simple as that. Add Cool Girl to the list.

Finally! The last two responses not slating the OP.

I remember being the youngest in my friendship group to get married and have a child, and rapidly lost my friends to us having too-different lives.

I felt lonely and nervous taking DS to groups alone, but my DM said "Just be yourself, bite the bullet and just try and introduce yourself to a couple of Mums- I'm sure there are others who feel a bit isolated like you".

Reading that this woman should've 'latched onto some other poor bastard' would have tipped me over the edge as a young mum with PND, who was putting a brave face on trying to make friends, so that my own loneliness didn't rub off on my Son.

I thank my lucky stars I didn't run into somebody like you.

Why are you asking if YABU OP? You clearly think you're not. We've ALL had people foist themselves on us that we'd rather not but, as an adult, you deal with it in a way that means you're not just being unpleasant and telling someone to fuck off. With mine, I politely refused all invitations every single time. I didn't feel it was beneath me to pass the time of day with her but left it at that.

I think you need help tbh.

Fucking hell op.

I have no words. Quite honestly if someone had spoken to me like that, I'd be devastated. It takes a lot for me to go out and socialise for the sake of the kids.

There was absolutely no need to speak to her like that, quite frankly you're vile!

However. I think it'll probably be the other way around, and. Op would leave a child out, because she doesn't like the parents.

Either way, the kid suffers.

I've got 5 kids and been at my current workplace for almost 4 years..... some people are still surprised when I mention I have dc. 5 of them!

Not all women live their lives through kids