Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
FreudianSlurp · 03/08/2017 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/08/2017 12:33

What a nasty piece of work you are
The poor women must feel mortified. Mind you she sure as hell dodged a bullet.
Are you one of those who thinks their doing the world a favor by letting them breath the same air supply as them.[hmm
If you're so superior to her. Why are your kids at the same school. Why aren't they at private school.

Loveluck7 · 03/08/2017 12:33

Op, how do you want your child to turn out? If you want them to also be "not a nice person" you are modelling the right behaviour. Please do not think you can excuse the way the treated that poor woman.

It is utterly irrelevant that you prefer to keep your own company, we all have to make small talk and chat to people we do not like sometimes, it is called being a decent human being.

Brittbugs80 · 03/08/2017 12:33

Fucking hell you're coming across as a bit of a twat.

Don't be surprised if people start uninviting your child to things because they don't want you there.

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/08/2017 12:34

It's amazing how people excuse rude behaviour with ridiculous excuses isn't it?

I'm not social = I can be cold and nasty to anyone who dares make idle chatter in my direction

I always speak my mind = I'm a loudmouth gobshite who thinks only my opinions matter

I'm just being honest = I enjoy saying cruel things under the pretence of honesty

I don't mean to be rude/racist/homophobic = that's exactly what I'm going to be...

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 12:34

What is it with people on mumsnet who seem to think it's big and clever to post that they tell people to fuck off. It's like a parallel universe.

There is a difference between not being sociable and being downright rude and thoroughly obnoxious. You fall into the latter category.

I'm not sure I believe someone could be this nasty either. Hopefully it's not true or embellished.

SavoyCabbage · 03/08/2017 12:34

I think you tried and tried to shake her off but you couldn't so you've lost your temper at her. Now you've told her to fuck off she will have got the message!

Obviously you didn't handle it brilliantly! GrinMy concern if I was you would be that she will spread the news throughout the land and that people will be wary of you and therefore your son and it might be more difficult for him.

I've been in a similar situation with a school parent myself. Every day she would talk about where I had parked and why I hadn't parked somewhere else. If I said I needed to get milk she would say I'd got milk only on Tuesday or that I should get a milkman. It was exhausting.

BalloonSlayer · 03/08/2017 12:34

I don't know where prisoner cell block h came from, I didn't mean for it to be in there.

Hell of an autocorrect you've got on your phone then. Hmm What, you were trying to type "pretty cute blonde woman," were you?

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 03/08/2017 12:34

Is she really stalking you or is it just she wants to encourage and facilitate her child' friendships?

She might hate socialising as much as you do but just be putting her own feelings aside for the sake of her child.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/08/2017 12:35

You may not like company but by the sound of it your 'little one' very much likes the company of her 'little one'. Parenting is about putting your children before yourself and that includes making polite conversation with other parents so your kids can make friends with theirs - even if that's not something that is comfortable for you. I'm not a huge fan of making chit chat with other parents I don't know well/don't have much in common with but I suck it up for the sake of my kids like most parents so.
If there is a MH or LD behind your extreme dislike of other people I suggest you see what support is available to you. No matter how many times you've politely told someone you don't want to chat it isn't appropriate to start effing and blinding in a children's play group. You could have spoken to one of the people running it?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/08/2017 12:35

I really don't see how 'prisoner cell block H woman' got in from auto-correct. You've been called out for being a nasty human, and now you're denying you even put it there! Piece of work. She's had a lucky escape from you. And no, you don't have to be anyone's friend. You don't have to be a vicious witch either...

dustarr73 · 03/08/2017 12:35

Well don't you sound lovely.Hmm

You'll be on here in 6 months wondering why little Johnny never gets invited anywhere.

I think you've got your wish, nobody in their right mind will come near tent.Which is going to be awkward and your stuck and need someone to do you a favour. And you will Believe me.

PinguForPresident · 03/08/2017 12:35

You are quite mind-bogglingly rude, and it will affect your kids socially. It's a shame for them that they have such an unpleasant mother.

BlondeB83 · 03/08/2017 12:36

You sound like a nasty, judgemental woman. She's better off without you!

TheMaddHugger · 03/08/2017 12:36

@EddysWildHair ((((((((Hugs))))))))))) OP.

Considering this has been brewing and simmering for 6 months, I think you were pretty restrained.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/08/2017 12:36

On second thoughts. I think this has to be a case of wind them up and watch them go.
No-one is that rude, surely to God

pasturesgreen · 03/08/2017 12:36

Well, fuck me, aren't you delightful OP?

I feel sorry for the poor woman, and also for your DS, who will forever more be known as the son of crazy rude woman with anger management issues.

BlondeB83 · 03/08/2017 12:36

Must be a reverse. No one would willingly make themselves look this bad online.

OracleofDelphi · 03/08/2017 12:36

Ive just read your update - saying that you do let your child socialise away from school. FYI 6 year olds are v v different to children in Yr 2/3/4. Funnily enough he will grow up with his own ideas of who he wants to be friends with, and there is a high chance that is BF will be oh I dont know - someone hes in SCHOOL with rather than some random child who he sees a few times a month because you have decided that their dad is OK! Get a life. Its NOT about you - its about your kid.....

And just so you know - there is nothing awful about kindness. It costs nothing - try hard to learn that and it might make your time at school gates less irritating and help your child out too

pinkdelight · 03/08/2017 12:37

I agree with reaminated and doright. You tried the polite way many times and it wasn't working. I wouldn't have gone as far as you, but then I'm conflict averse... and so would've been saddled with her indefinitely. You got what you wanted out of it and she's got the message and can hold her own by the sounds of it. Problem solved for both of you.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/08/2017 12:38

for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me
+
I don't know where prisoner cell block h came from, I didn't mean for it to be in there

Huh?? How could you have "not meant it to be in there" ... did it just type itself somehow?

I really must get myself a magic keyboard like that - or then again perhaps not Hmm

livefornaps · 03/08/2017 12:38

Haha! I clicked on this presuming that you'd got chatting to someone and then it turned out they were a massive racist/bigot/fuck knows what, in which case, by all means - lay down your boundaries.

But this woman's crime was she wanted to set up a play date?

Two things:

This makes me really sad especially when I think of all the threads on here written by isolated mums and everyone's like "just ask someone for a coffee!", well the reason people don't is because they're worried they'll encounter someone like you.

On the other hand on a lot of these boards the general attitude seems to be "you don't owe anybody anything" and loads of posters bandy around remarks like "yeah, just tell them to fuck off to the other side of fuck!"for seemingly no reason. Occasionally someone will broach the subject "who on earth would actually take that attitude in real life? Come on now."

And the answer is, OP, it's you! You are that person in real life. A mumsnet unicorn.

cornflakegirl · 03/08/2017 12:38

It doesn't sound like she's stalking you. She's coming to stand next to you for what - 10 minutes? - at pick up time. If you don't want to make small talk or socialise, you can say that politely. Mention your anxiety if that's the cause of the problem. Are you getting appropriate treatment for your anxiety?

She's right though about the socialising being for the benefit of the kids. Your son is much less likely to be invited to parties and play dates when it gets round about how you spoke to her. Which is sad for him.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 03/08/2017 12:38

Poor woman. Imagine being all nervous trying to make new mum friends and this happens to you. I mean fair enough she was trying a bit hard but plenty of mums do this to make friends in new areas etc. I can't believe how awful you were OP.

Ceto · 03/08/2017 12:39

You come over as despising other people for the crime of being parents and being interested in their children. No-one has a duty to "get you", and if they don't, that doesn't make them automatically unworthy of attention.

When the only way you know someone is through a child-related activity such as school or playgroup, obviously most people start out by talking about the thing they have in common, i.e. their children. But if you let yourself get to know other parents, you would discover that they have many other things to talk about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread