To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

[EddysWildHair]

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

And I genuinely mean, you need help. If not for you, but to teach your DS how to communicate with people in a way completely different to you.

Op - do you have ASD? A lot of people in the autistic spectrum don't mean to be rude and say things as they are without realising they are being rude. Do you think this could be you?

I'm autistic and I would never be so horrible. I can be blunt without realising, but not outright offensive. When I am unintentionally blunt I apologise and explain why.

OP part of being a parent is having to do the inane chatting thing. I hate it, I really hate it, it makes my stomach tie up in knots every time, but I have to do it for my kids. Outright telling someone to fuck off is just nasty.

I usually find I like the parents if my DC likes the child, we must have similar tastes and a lot of kids must be quite a lot like their parents. On the odd occasion I really don't like the parent, I make polite small talk.

If it gets too much, I am the person they won't want to talk to. Pushy ambitious parent? "Oh, we don't worry about secondary, the sink school is just fine." Hippy attachment parent? "Mine gets up an hour early to do extra maths and spelling."

I think it's fairly certain the op was being purposefully rude. She was trying to get the woman to go away. And 'fuck off' isn't particularly ambiguous.

Here we go again..AIBU? yes you are!....OP, no I'm not!

If the child doesn't have another parent/relative/friend who can model normal social behaviour/take the child to parties/do play dates etc then it isn't ok for the op to just do what suits her at the expense of her child.

All those of you saying you wanted to make friends and would have been hurt to be rebuffed so rudely - would you have gone on and on pestering the one person who clearly didn't want your company? Or would you have had the sense and good manners to approach someone else instead?

My goodness OP, how about 'I'm sorry, we're really busy' or 'I'm not really one for socialising'

You were rude and a bad bellend

A bad bellend

You actually sound very like my GM, OP. She had no empathy, no good word to say about anyone, a lot of misplaced rage, and no time for anyone if it didn't benefit her directly.
The council ended up with the job of clearing her house after she died, since nobody in her life could muster up the will to bother, even her own DS.
You reap what you sow. If you spend your life being an antisocial, vicious-tongued judgemental arsehole, people don't tend to feel indebted to preserving your memory.

"Prisoner Cellblock H woman"?!

Ok I've decided I'll apologise to her tomorrow and try explain that I have felt anxious for 6 months as I was trying to be polite. She may not accept it but as you've probably gathered, I'm not overly concerned either way. I don't go out to upset people and wouldn't like to think she's gone home upset over it but I do hope shes realised that when people start making hints, take them before it blows up!!

Yes I do work - alone unsurprisingly. I'm also a member of a martial arts group and I often organise get togethers for the kids - bowling, hiking, swimming, ice-skating etc etc. So I'm not a total cow bag. I don't know I just find the whole school thing so fucking stressful. I would love to home-school DS but I don't have the time. I just never expected school days to be like this. I hate it more than anything else I've ever had to do (apart from going to school myself!)

I'm going against the grain. I think the OP wants her own company and gave off very, very clear social cues to this effect over the last 6 months. This woman ignored them repeatedly. Even when the cues because explicit "I like my own company" the woman continued to push the OP harder and harder.

I'm very surprised that most people on here think the other woman's behaviour is OK. No means no, the OP repeatedly declined coffees, meetups, whatever. It is not OK to keep asking when someone has kept telling you no. OP yanbu in eventually telling her to fuck off. She repeatedly and deliberately ignored what you said and did so there was no other way left of saying it!

If she wouldn't stop, there's a thin line between being repeatedly annoying and harassment.

I wouldn't have kept approaching someone who clearly didn't want to chat (I wouldn't approach anyone anyway right enough), but I still think OP was unconscionably rude. She could have just said "look I'm sorry, but I really don't want to chat or meet up during the holidays." And walked away.

I feel so sad for you OP. I can't imagine disliking myself so much that I could freely admit to not being a nice person, and be so horrific to other people. Please try to get some help or support with your mental health before you totally mess up your poor kid. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you treated that poor friendly woman, and no one should feel as miserable with life as you clearly do.

DS has a great social circle - as do I away from this god forsaken place containing people that get me, people that understand not everyone "breathes" the word "child" when they speak,

Gosh. This is all a bit cunty isn't it?

Looks like she isn't coming back, now she's been called on her wankbadgery....

SnowiestMountain OP did say she didn't want to socialise.

In fairness to the OP she has said she's gone out of her way to avoid the woman. She was also polite when she explained to the woman she didn't want to for her or her childs sake. I can't help thinking that if this was any other social situation, and the OP had asked how to get this woman to leave her alone, a lot of posters would be saying 'tell her to fuck off!'.

If my child really liked another then I would preservere with trying to befriend a parent even if they seemed a bit antisocial. If they said 'I'm really sorry but I struggle with other people and I prefer not to speak to people' then I'd feel a little sorry for their child but obviously leave them be. If they were aggressive and told me to 'fuck off' then I would report it to the group leader too. All the toddler groups I've been to have a no swearing/no snacking policy. The op is lucky she hasn't been told not to go back!

Well she didn't take the very big hints, did she. Swearing was over the top, but at least she won't keep bugging you now.

She also wasn't very nice to report you to the group leader. For all she knew, you were just having a very bad day.

PS. Sometimes you have to be very direct with people who won't take even a big hint. I once had a phone stalker for over 3 years who I eventually had to be very direct with. I didn't swear though.

Why would you apologise to someone who wouldn't stop harassing you? Do you want it to start up again? Be careful of taking advice from keyboard warriors telling you that you are a meanie - remember you were the one in this situation and you were the one that had to tolerate all this unwanted attention.

Well that's one parent who will never invite your child to spend a few hours playing with her son before they have dinner, you know, like kids have friends visit. Once you've pissed off a few other mums your child will be ostracised and you can bitch about how mean everyone is and that's why you don't like forming friendships. Your child can soon be as damaged as you, still on the plus side it keeps therapists in honest work.

I feel for you OP. You have given this woman polite fuck off vibes for six months and she won't take the hint. You snapped.

I like you even if no one else does .