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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:

Lobelia123 · 03/08/2017 12:25

I dont think you're horrible at all, this person sounds a bit thick-skinned / stalkerish. why should her desire to attach herself to you and talk incessently trounce your need to be alone and not engage with her - especially when youve been perfectly civil and clear about it from the start.

Brahms3rdracket · 03/08/2017 12:26

Fuck me you're rude. I understand the annoying mum at school thing only too well but you were awful. Your dc will lose out on any out of school stuff if you continue like that.

massi71 · 03/08/2017 12:26

What life lesson are you teaching your "little ones"?

Viciousness?

Fruitcocktail6 · 03/08/2017 12:27

I think you're the nut job.

I'm not particularly socialable but I'm also not an arsehole.

AnUtterIdiot · 03/08/2017 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:29

What lesson is she teaching hers?? How to completely disregard other people's feelings?? I was polite at the start. For 6 months I've been polite. I could not put up with another year of this fucking weird woman stalking me.

OP posts:

Littlelondoner · 03/08/2017 12:29

You do know that this is far far from normal behaviour right?

Lets hope your poor child doesn't become alienated with no friends because of it.

Gosh I bet everyone espesially your son was mortified!

Lets hope he has better manners hey.

I would worry he would be left out of things socially because of actions like this. No one wants playdates with the kid with the nightmare mum do they?

OracleofDelphi · 03/08/2017 12:29

Fucking hell........ words fail me.
Dont you understand that that woman is right? its not about you - just because you are some mannerless arse who hates the company of others, doesnt mean your child wants to be friendless. Sure fire way to ensure your kid doesnt get invited to parties, park catch ups, play dates etc. What a mean person you are

I am hardly ever harsh on MN but tbh you sound horrific. I think you have been so unbelievably mean to another mum who just was pleased her child had found a friend. If you dont want you child(ren) to have a socially isolated life you need to have a serious look at yourself. Im not surprised she reported you

feral · 03/08/2017 12:29

So the other woman is the 'nut job'?!

QuiteLikely5 · 03/08/2017 12:30

This didn't happen.

Genghi · 03/08/2017 12:30

I personally think that you were so rude, I wonder how you are with your kids if you had such an unproportionate reaction to a perfect stranger. I hope the group leaders keep a closer eye on your kids as a result.

Anatidae · 03/08/2017 12:30

This prisoner cell block h woman

Wait what? Like a jumpsuit and an ankle tag? Australian and hard looking? Russian prison tattoos?

She's just trying to be friendly. Smile, make some random excuse that leaves you both feeling like you've saved face. Exchange the odd bit of chit chat at the gates.

You were extremely rude. I'm an introvert, I hate socialising. There are many polite ways to deflect this without leaving the other person feeling like crap.

If this IS a reverse, then the only thing I can think of is that the person was having a very bad day indeed.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 03/08/2017 12:30

with 'little ones' and up to the end of primary you will have to get over yourself and engage or your own kids wont be getting socialised in any meaningful way.

if you'd done this to me i'd feel sorry for your kid- as it's going to be a long lonely decade of no invites anywhere from anyone for them. And that's entirely down to you.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 03/08/2017 12:31

6 months I've had to put up with this fucking nut job and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to walk around to avoid her, tired of trying to avoid eye contact, 6 months of making DS late for school because I'm trying to avoid her!!! If she just fucked off or latched onto some other poor bastard

Oooh you sound charming, no wonder she wants to be your friend

JayoftheRed · 03/08/2017 12:31

This can't be real, can it? If you don't want to socialise with people, don't go out. She obviously thought you were someone she could chat to, you had your kids in common if nothing else. You don't know, as you've never taken the time to get to know her, she might be great fun, into the same things you are. But you'll never know. And you can be sure she won't be encouraging her son to be friends with yours any more. So well done on losing your son a mate.

If you don't want to see people or talk to people, then don't go out. You have to expect to make conversations at groups like that.

I hope you can learn from this, and understand that if you go to places where people are, you should expect to have some conversation.

If you'd spoken to me like that, I would have told the leaders too, and pretty much everyone else. There's a good chance your DS won't be invited to birthday parties and the like now.

I like my own company, so I don't go to groups like this much, but when I do, I have a good natter with the other mums, talking bollocks much of the time, then go home and relax. My kids have fun, they mix with other children and to be honest, it doesn't do any harm to get out of your comfort zone now and again.

Ninglers · 03/08/2017 12:31

I ensure DS is socialised but I don't want to be a part of it. Um, I think how you interact with others will be part of it.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/08/2017 12:31

I'm not being funny but some people are sociable and some aren't. I am not, never have been, never wanted to be

Well, you must have been sociable with someone in order to have your kid, unless it was a donor sperm job (don't need to answer that).

Lots of people are unsociable and have to dig deep to engage in the little social nicities. But some do - for their kids sake.

Do you want your kid to be friendless at school? Not to be invited to play dates or birthday parties? That's surely the way this is headed.

I'd apologise. She likely will give you a wide berth in future even with an apology, but I'd still do it.

Cheekyandfreaky · 03/08/2017 12:31

I agree with massi71, this is not the way to model tolerance and respect for your child. I am not a fan of mum friends when the only thing in common is your child but there are polite ways to handle these situations.

Spuddington · 03/08/2017 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:32

DS has a great social circle - as do I away from this god forsaken place containing people that get me, people that understand not everyone "breathes" the word "child" when they speak, people (usually blokes to be fair!) that realise having a kid doesn't mean you want to constantly talk about them!

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 03/08/2017 12:32

I'm totally with you OP. You do not have to engage with someone you don't want to be friends with, and anyone who has been repeatedly, politely told to leave you alone but who will not do so, only has themselves to blame when you run out of patience.

Those of you pissing and moaning, try recasting this as if it were a man trying to get OP to date him when she didn't want to. Constant pressure for attention from someone you don't like is actually really stressful and upsetting. It doesn't matter if they are 'just being friendly' - it's not friendly or polite to keep intruding on someone who is making it very clear that they do not want your company.

DooRight · 03/08/2017 12:32

I think you were pretty clear - and she just wasn't listening/having it.. - I wish I could be as direct as you - good on you - ignore the haters..

IdoHaveAName · 03/08/2017 12:32

Are you alright in the head? I don't think the other poor woman is the nut job here.

mrsm43s · 03/08/2017 12:32

I think you will get your wish of not being talked to at the school gates. By anyone.

Sadly, you will probably find your DS will now miss out on playdates and party invitations as a result. Such a shame for him.

Littlelondoner · 03/08/2017 12:32

Oh also whos not to say her child has been massively struggling socially and she is just happy they have made a friend and wants to encorage it. Like she said it is about the kids not you!

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