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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:

MudGolum · 03/08/2017 12:39

She reported you to the group leaders for not being her pal?!

TennisAtXmas · 03/08/2017 12:39

So to try to offer a constrictive suggestion, I think you should seek help with your temper -its not OK to say ' I'm just not a nice person', that isn't a get out of jail free card, you have to manage not to be abusive to people. And you may even find out why you get the urge to be so nasty, and become a happier person!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/08/2017 12:40

Must be a reverse. No one would willingly make themselves look this bad online

I'm hoping it's a reverse.

Just to see how the posters telling OP that she is perfectly reasonable and giving her cyber ((((🤗)))) react.

SpareASquare · 03/08/2017 12:40

6 months I've had to put up with this fucking nut job and I'm tired of it.

Yes, there is a nut job here and, no, it's not her.

dollydaydream114 · 03/08/2017 12:40

You have a massively inflated sense of self-importance. You think this woman is desperate to be your friend. She isn't. She just knows your kids get on well and play nicely together and thought it would be nice for them to meet up. She cares about the kids, not you. You are not the big attraction you think you are.

I am very shy, solitary and exceptionally introverted. I also have some basic manners and am capable of dealing with ordinary social interactions without being a massive cunt about it. You can say 'No thanks' without telling someone their turn of phrase in 'little ones' is irritating, FFS. Millions of people are shy and manage not to behave like you.

Your child is going to struggle in life if you alienate the parents of any kids he wants to be friends with. Or are you desperate to have him all to yourself? Are you jealous that he makes friends or something?

ButchyRestingFace · 03/08/2017 12:41

She reported you to the group leaders for not being her pal?!

Yeah, that's exactly how it went down.

Valderal · 03/08/2017 12:41

This did happen. I was there...

...said no one

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/08/2017 12:41

I don't know where prisoner cell block h came from, I didn't mean for it to be in there.

Yeah righto

HotCookieDough · 03/08/2017 12:42

No it's not her fault you argued it's yours!! I hope your DC grow up to be kind have more manners than you

eddielizzard · 03/08/2017 12:42

ok so you don't want to talk. there are kind ways to indicate that you're not up for conversation:

earphones in
bring a book
play on your phone

if someone wants to talk and you don't make an excuse, there's no need to be an arsehole about it.

dustarr73 · 03/08/2017 12:42

If you speak to people like that , odds on the next person wont be so nice.

I'm introvert and standing making idle chit chat kills me.But I do I.Cause I'm not a knob.

bookworm14 · 03/08/2017 12:42

I am both introverted and quite antisocial and I would never be this rude. Being unsociable isn't an excuse. Perhaps the poor woman was lonely and wanted someone to talk to!

katronfon · 03/08/2017 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 03/08/2017 12:43

I think you were a bit rude bit are not at a a horrible person.

This woman has seen her son plays well with yours and wants to extend this intomlre. That's all.

Maybe you should have had this 'chat' minus the 'fuck off' but a few months earlier.

I think the problem was shr is clearly quite dense (or so single minded she was not really listening to you) and you lost your cool.

I'd say in future (with anyone else brave enough to come near you) to just go broken record.

Say the things you said at the group,before the swearing. Then just say them again.

If this is a reverse and you are the women pursuing a child's friends mum, back off and listen. We are all different.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 03/08/2017 12:43

I'm not sure your 'little one' is going to be included on many party invitations or play dates over the coming years.

Tamatoa · 03/08/2017 12:43

Well, you've done nothing to help your sons future in this school, have you! He will be excluded from anything that the parents arrange, parties etc because nobody will want to deal with his crazy mother.
I'm a loner. But guess what.....I suck it up and make nice with the other mums so my kids will have one less drama in their school life.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/08/2017 12:43

I also had thought this was a reverse. If it was true I would have expected some kind of embellishment that made the other woman seem unreasonable somehow. But she just seems like a friendly woman and a good mum who was prepared to try and make the effort with another mum for the sake of her child despite the op being rude. She didn't even retaliate when told to fuck off just did the right thing and reported it. I agree with pp - other woman isn't the nut job here and has had a lucky escape!

LagunaBubbles · 03/08/2017 12:43

I don't know where prisoner cell block h came from, I didn't mean for it to be in there

Sure

witchofzog · 03/08/2017 12:44

Well done op. There is a good chance you may have seriously dented someone's confidence. And other posters are correct. Your ds WILL get invited to less parties etc as a result of your behaviour. I am not saying you had to be her best buddy but did you really have to be so nasty?

Out of interest do you work? Because we all encounter people we don't like or wouldnt choose to socialise with in the workplace and have to be polite to them. Because that is how decent people behave.

When my ds was young I spent time with people I didn't really want to. FOR HIM so he could build friendships with people he chose and not just because I liked the parents. You should be ashamed op

Italiangreyhound · 03/08/2017 12:44

Extend it to more...

bloodymaria · 03/08/2017 12:44

Whatever your reasons, you were rude AF. Which is fine, that's how you roll, whatever. But I think in order to still be thinking about it and posting here, you must be doubting yourself.

Ceto · 03/08/2017 12:44

Your child may well have a good social circle now "away from this godforsaken place", but that will change when he starts school. He won't have time to see so many of his current friends if they don't live nearby, and they will drift away and become closer to friends at their schools. If he has no friends in his school because you drive their parents away, he will become a lonely little boy.

MrsOverTheRoad · 03/08/2017 12:45

OP if you're real...which I doubt. Your son will soon be ostracised at school....no parent will want their child to play with the son of a cowbag!

humblesims · 03/08/2017 12:45

you're coming across as a bit of a twat.
You sound like the people at school are a bit beneath you. What will you do when your kid wants playdates and sleepovers? Are you never going to engage with other parents?

BhajiAllTheWay · 03/08/2017 12:45

Must be a backstory here! The rage and aggression are way too extreme No-one will invite your poor son anywhere if they have to lock horns with you! What about him? He might have wanted to go on a play date

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