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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
LogicalPsycho · 05/08/2017 17:48

Considering you truly have always believed you're right in this OP, why the need to 'namechange' as you claim you did?
Surely you had nothing to lose by stating the obvious about 'the psycho' at playgroup?
So as it is, interesting first post, OP.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 18:06

To all those who hate socialising with other human beings, be careful you don't end up as a sad old ladies with only a cat for company , mind you that may not happen either, as people who like other human beings tend to live longer happier lives

I love socialising with other human beings: the ones I choose to socialise with. Not any old random who feels they have a claim on my time.

But thanks for wishing us lonely and dead, that's so nice of you.

Snausage · 05/08/2017 18:16

Good grief, what an awful creature you are, OP.

The thing with being an adult is that there are lots of things one doesn't like, but must deal with. You mightn't like someone but you grin and bear it and then find some other entertainment for your child next week.

Like an adult.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 18:20

Good grief, what an awful creature you are, OP

Is that really necessary?

paxillin · 05/08/2017 18:43

The thing with being an adult is that there are lots of things one doesn't like, but must deal with

The other thing with being an adult is that you have total say who you want to be friends with or who you want to date. You can turn down an amorous potential suitor and you can turn down an eager potential friend. You really don't have to live with people you don't like unless they are work colleagues or family.

PoorYorick · 05/08/2017 19:10

If the OP had written this about a rough looking guy that keeps coming onto her despite being asked to leave her alone , the replies would have been totally different.

Well obviously! Because this is a playdate for kids, not a romantic encounter!

ReanimatedSGB · 05/08/2017 21:38

But it's not just people who want sex with you who can be creepy, clingy and annoying. Anyone who won't back off after repeated hints is a pest.
Also, there's the fact that if someone keeps pushing for attention and interaction despite you having snubbed them and walked away, you know very well that it's not 'just' going to be a playdate for your DC. This person is going to keep on and on overriding your boundaries because this person has no manners and no social skills.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 21:42

Well obviously! Because this is a playdate for kids, not a romantic encounter!

It's the same thing. If someone tells you repeatedly that they are not interested, it's still completely inappropriate to persist whether its for sex, a play date, or anything else.
No means no.

PoorYorick · 05/08/2017 22:25

It's the same thing.

No, being harassed by a man wanting a date and refusing a no is not the same as being invited to a playdate by a fellow mum who's hoping your kids will be friends.

You don't have to say yes in the latter case (though you could perhaps not be an arsing great backside about it), but it is not equivalent to a man who won't let you decline his sexual advances.

Italiangreyhound · 05/08/2017 22:51

Totally agree with PoorYorik.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 22:53

It is though, in that in both instances you have said NO and your boundaries have not been respected.
Sad that you can't see it.

Mittens1969 · 05/08/2017 23:05

You're right that it's very sad behaviour but to compare it to stalking and sexual assault is trivialising the trauma that victims of sexual crimes go through. The OP was not in fear of being assaulted.

Mittens1969 · 05/08/2017 23:21

I'm not disputing that it's very annoying, though, and I have been in that position before.

But the two things are not the same.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 23:32

to compare it to stalking and sexual assault is trivialising the trauma that victims of sexual crimes go through. The OP was not in fear of being assaulted

Nobody did that, so its you being unreasonable by comparing the 2. No-one else did.

user1492877024 · 05/08/2017 23:38

OP, had you said that to me then i'm afraid I would of knocked you on your arse.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 23:39

OP, had you said that to me then i'm afraid I would of knocked you on your arse

Then you'd be a much bigger tit, wouldn't you? And then you would be arrested.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 00:04

You were comparing her to a potential stalker, though, a man trying to push a woman to go out with him would be a stalker if he went in for 6 months, and yes it could be threatening.

inashizzle · 06/08/2017 00:19

I wonder how many people read it like this, I avoid the school gates as I've heard a Lot of middle class do this. I don't want the teachers to think I'm not actually middle class.

I'll call her prisoner cell block h woman as calling her underclass/working class/is not P.C anymore. Shame. I'm so into myself I look better than her.

I'll say she stalks me- (deep down I know she felt sorry for my child as my face looks so stuck up its sad. She's giving me the benefit of the doubt as she thinks no one can be that far stuck up their own arse.)

I told her I have social anxiety because I was scared people would think we're mates. I told her she was making my time unpleasant here(truly I hate kids so did not want to be in the joint only I need my child not driving me insane at home) . She actually had the nerve to not be afraid of me and back chatted me. I'm so bitchy it just popped out of my mouth 'fuck off like all posh sounding.She didn't want further conflict and grassed on me. Deep down Im kaking my pants in case staff tell me verbal aggression will not be tolerated.

WellThisIsShit · 06/08/2017 00:47

It's a shame about the way the OP was written, as it's ended up with so many posters projecting themselves into the shoes of the clinging woman. And therefore, if someone treated them as the OP treated the clingy woman, people can't see it as anything but a completely shocking verbal attack.

Shame as I don't think clingy woman has behaved very well at all, however she ends up being labeled as much more positive than her actions warrant... because people are too easily imagining themselves as her.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 00:52

I think it's because she isn't here to annoy us on here, and the OP's opening post was so angry. I wasn't impressed with the clingy woman, but I didn't like the snobby description of 'prisoner cell block h'.

WellThisIsShit · 06/08/2017 00:58

Oh I agree Mittens, I'm not bowled over by either, no need to find one hero and one villain in all threads, I have enough raised eyebrows to go around :)

BastardGoDarkly · 06/08/2017 01:01

Holy fucking shitballs, that's quite an op.

Cba to read all ten pages, so will rudely ask (ignoring risk of shanking in shower block).... Was there no in between point of... Forced friendship... Telling to fuck off?... No, like,.... Its not you, its me, I'm really not up for talking to anyone, hope you don't mind, but I really don't want to...?

inashizzle · 06/08/2017 01:01

Well I didn't imagine myself as opConfused And I don't think majority did. Op labelled snobby shallow as she thought she'd come on here and justify her embarrassment at someone she did not regard in her league as having the audacity. Posters are not necessarily putting themselves in either shoes , They've spectated scene with someone going beyond uppity- not anxious, overconfident to her own downfall - even though she couldn't accept in hindsight she was the knob. A lot of us may have been drunk, said the odd idiotic thing and die of mortification; she came on here hoping people would agree that some are not worthy of her prescience . She didn't get it did she!

supermoon100 · 06/08/2017 04:01

People at the school gate are no more 'random' than people you meet at work. So because they've bred, they're not worth conversing with ?!

Original poster
EddysWildHair · 06/08/2017 08:06

user1492877024 -
"Had you said that to me then I'm afraid I would have knocked you on your arse"

😂 I fight 4 times a week for fun - you wouldn't get near I'm afraid! Would be a laugh to see you try though.

OP posts:
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