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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
Velvetbee · 04/08/2017 12:34

Meh, you gave enough piss off signals, she ignored them. She was pretty rude, I wouldn't have told her to fuck off but you shouldn't have to pretend to be bosom buddies if you want space.

user1483981877 · 04/08/2017 12:51

Mittens I hear you. You absolutely aren't the only mum to feel like this. Chin up and soldier on, you're doing the best you can.

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 12:52

This post has brought back all my feelings when I was bullied at school and spoken of as 'weird', and never picked for teams etc. It's never been like that since I've been an adult, but I'm not in the 'inner circle' at the school gate either. So I find myself feeling for the other woman in this post. It's not nice to be made to feel that you have some kind of social illness

So you are adding your voice to all those calling the OP weird and odd and bullying her? How understanding of you (not).

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 13:13

I'd have been more sympathetic if she hadn't been so judgey about the other mums on the school run and used the expression 'Prisoner cell block H', just snobby, that's all. The other woman was being annoying of course.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 13:46

@user1483981877, thanks, that's kind. I think most of us are doing the best we can. Smile

hollyisalovelyname · 04/08/2017 14:01

Perhaps OP is a Daily Mail reporter wanting to kick off something on Mumsnet so he/ she has something to hand in for publication.

If not, the OP is very rude and the other parent very thick skinned not taking hints for soooo long.

flowerydems · 04/08/2017 14:20

Abigcupof the op is getting bullied now? Really? She was verbally abusive to someone that was just trying to speak to her, and then came on a public forum asking aibu, what would you expect people to say

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 14:41

I wouldn't expect them to call her a twunt and vile human being. And 300 people doing that certainly looks like bullying....

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 14:50

That's what mumsnet is like, I've seen it on so many threads.

I also think some were responding to the way she spoke about the other woman. If she had come on here all embarrassed saying, 'oh dear, I lost it today with this woman who's been pestering me, WIBU?' then the response would have been very different. (There would have been the usual YABU posts of course!)

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 04/08/2017 14:51

flowery

I certainly don't expect people to call her a cunt and a vile human being ffs. How is that any different than what they're berating her for in the first place?!

abigcup agreed. They are bullying. All jumping on the bandwagon and thinking they're funny or cool by doing so when in fact those calling the OP horrible names have shown themselves up to be far worse than they claim the OP is.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/08/2017 15:04

Surely if this is stalking then the OP needs to report the 30 odd other people who turn up to the school gate at the same time as the OP twice per day.
Isn't that why she makes her son late to avoid being stalked by these other people following her

Personally I don't think the other woman was trying to befriend the OP. She was just trying to organise a play date with her for her ds.

I can only think the OP who protests that she doesn't want anything to do with this woman, but then wants the woman to bring her ds to a Karate class or what ever it is is because she wants her son to beat the shit out of him so this woman's ds learns not to try access his gang again under the guise of a lesson.

Or am I over thinking things.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 15:11

@Oliversmumsarmy, yes you are overthinking it. I think it was going to be a half-baked attempt at an apology, but since the OP decided not to apologise in the end I think the martial arts suggestion isn't going to happen either.

No, I think the OP wants as little to do with the other woman or her DS as possible.

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 15:23

Pretty sure no-one said it was actually stalking, more that it was a little like it.

I'm really surprised how many people think the other woman was just being friendly. I think youd actually feel differently if you were the target of her friendliness!

Ollycat · 04/08/2017 15:36

Of course YWU and very rude! Also why is it OK for you to say "little Ines" but not her? Be friends with who you want but don't be a bitch!

Ollycat · 04/08/2017 15:49

Having now rtft I have to say - rightly or wrongly- that your son will be labelled as the one with the scary / psycho mum - your outburst will not have done him any favours. Also making your son late for school to avoid her? This isn't normal behaviour in your part - have you anyone you can talk this through irl?

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 15:50

that your son will be labelled as the one with the scary / psycho mum

Only by the utter twats at the school, and who cares what they think?

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 16:03

@abigcupoffuckyou, out of curiosity, are you the OP's friend?! You're very protective of her, and you almost sound as if you know the woman in question. Do you accept that the OP's description of her was at the very least unkind, and somewhat snobby?

As I said, if her initial post had refrained on the name calling and aggression, she would have had a different response.

It's actually not very different from other AIBU threads on mumsnet; if you post something slating another mum in the playground, who is not here to defend herself (although chances are she's aware of this thread) you're bound to get a pasting.

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 16:08

No, I just came to the thread late and was amazed at the responses. I think OP deserves more sympathy and less aggression (especially from those who are swearing at her because she swore at someone else!)

Farmerswife4life1984 · 04/08/2017 16:17

Omg you are so so nasty !!! Seriously awful behaviour and why did you call her prisoner cell block h woman ?? She sounds like she was actually trying to include you and she was being NICE ! You should try it sometime . You seriously owe her an apology

yellowox · 04/08/2017 16:20

You sound like an arsehole

ChasingHighs · 04/08/2017 16:21

Lol at a poster called fuck you telling people off for swearing.

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 16:23

I didn't telly anyone off for swearing, i fucking love swearing!

I was just pointing out the irony of telling someone "you're such a fucking cunt with no manners because you told someone to fuck off. Now fuck off!"

See?

paxillin · 04/08/2017 16:31

I can certainly see that my own pestering limpet isn't so unusual. There are several posters who think the other woman was just trying to be friendly and nice.

I can tell you at the receiving end of "friendly and nice" it feels like stalking light (and yes, I have had a real stalker before). If you sense consistent "no thank you" vibes, please, please back off. You are not nice or friendly, you are a pain and people are changing their plans to hide from you because of your persistence. You will also quickly be known as an absolute pest, not just by the not-so-social parents.

I have lots of parent friends, but if I say no I mean it. My DC have lots of play dates so unless they ask me, it's not going to happen. No pestering for 6 months is going to change that and I will tell other parents about it if asked, so it isn't in the long run improving a child's play date chances. Inviting yourself is always a terrible move.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/08/2017 16:53

It's also, actually, OK to decide that someone looks fucking rough and you don't want to be their friend. No one is owed friendship. It's fine to reject all but the briefest of 'good mornings' from people you don't much like the look of.
And don't forget, the OP had six months of trying to avoid and fend off this pushy woman before she finally snapped.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 17:02

@paxillin, I know 'pestering limpets' are annoying. Sometimes it comes from a place of being desperate to help their child who is possibly being bullied or has special needs and struggles to make friends.

As I said, my DD1 struggles with making friends and I did put a lot into trying to help her with that. There was one friend she started having play dates with but then the girl's mum said that DD1 had been following her around too much. (I get on very well with the mum as it happens so it's not down to me being a limpet!)

I've backed off from trying now. She does get some play dates, but they're joint invitations with DD2, not in her own right. In the playground she mainly follows her sister around now, and plays with her friends (3 years younger).

It's about reading social cues. Some people are not good at that, but maybe you could sometimes think of including their DC, not necessarily in play dates but in party invitations? Also meet ups at the park?

Consider this too, you don't need to have the mum at the play date! You might find that your child likes the DC.