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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 04/08/2017 17:10

reanimated is spot on.

If you feel someone looks 'rough' you are perfectly entitled to decide you wouldn't want to associate with them, so what. The same with dating for singles . If the OP had written this about a rough looking guy that keeps coming onto her despite being asked to leave her alone , the replies would have been totally different.

paxillin · 04/08/2017 17:13

I have actually had a school gate parent approach me like that, Mittens1969. She said her DS struggles to make friends and she would like to invite a few boys to go bowling. Most people went. It is a slow process, but her DS is slowly connecting more. The other kids saw that whilst he seems a bit awkward and easily overwhelmed, he is also lots of fun and has an impish disregard for authority (not what most parents look for in their kids' friends, but a hit with the kids).

Quite different from being pounced on every time one enters the room and then being followed around that room as OP was.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 17:20

True, thank you for that, paxillin. I suppose I was saying that this might have been why the annoying woman was following the OP around. I was saddened by her comment about the DS, he's suffering because of his mum's social ineptitude.

TeamCersei · 04/08/2017 18:25

All round the country people will be looking at their children's martial arts instructors and thinking
''I wonder if that's her''. Shock

HarryDaylight · 04/08/2017 19:00

TeamCersei maybe it should be "I wonder if that's him"?

N0tNowBernard · 04/08/2017 19:00

TeamCersei

Tee hee

rolopolovolo · 04/08/2017 19:20

OP: you're brilliant. don't back down.

This thread is just evidence that lots of people limpets feel entitled and don't give a crap whether they are an imposition or a nuisance as long as they can use emotional blackmail waah waah waah i was bullied as a kid to control people around them.

People like this never left school and that's why half the thread is people whinging about not being picked by the cool kids when they were eight who fucking cares? Adults resolve their issues with therapy and self care instead of expecting the world to bend to them. Instead, these limpets behave like children and it's unbearable to watch. She ran straight to the teacher to tell on you because she thinks you are both 10 years old and she can make you be her friend.

Limpets and the stink of their desperate overemotional neediness literally makes my skin crawl.

ButchyRestingFace · 04/08/2017 19:22

Limpets and the stink of their desperate overemotional neediness literally makes my skin crawl.

GrinGrinGrin

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/08/2017 19:23

rolopolovolo

Well aren't you a peach Hmm

Floggingmolly · 04/08/2017 19:29

I'll bet you never had the "limpet" problem, rolo. I'd imagine you repel everybody within a radius of two miles.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 19:48

@rolopolovolo, And I bet you were the school bully and you haven't grown up yet! That was such a bitchy thing to say.

Mittens1969 · 04/08/2017 19:57

Actually they were both behaving like 10 year olds. I never said the other woman wasn't being a pain, she's clearly very emotionally inept.

It was the snobby comments about her appearance that annoyed me.

brendani9 · 04/08/2017 20:14

Judgy bastards on here.
Do unto others is a favourite of mine, but OP, my sympathies lie with you.
If you don't want someone around...that's fine!!
All the knobchops saying "well, your child will get ostracised"...you're the tools in this situation.
Just fuck up.

Floggingmolly · 04/08/2017 20:17

Just fuck up. Hmm
Ok, dear. Another one as rough as a badgers arse...

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/08/2017 20:17

Just fuck up.

If you are going to insult posters, at least make sense.

smurfit · 04/08/2017 20:37

"to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room

To all you people saying her behaviour would really upset you... how many of you would ignore that conversation ^^ and try again 5 min later? The woman was clearly dismissed in a fairly cold but polite enough way.

I have social anxiety and if someone said that to me I'd take the hint and leave them alone. Maybe trying again another day. What I wouldn't do, is go and nag 5 minutes later and get aggressive when it wasn't welcomed ('Who pissed on your side of the bed this morning?' was aggressive behaviour from the silly woman).

I don't care who it is but if someone won't leave me alone when I've clearly asked to be left alone, I let them know (although my language is cleaner just out of habit more than anything else, I don't swear much).

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/08/2017 21:52

What the op says would suggest to me that she wasn't there to make friends or socialise not that she wouldn't take her child to a different playgroup to play with his friends. The 'silly woman' didn't want to be friends with the op. She wanted her son to be able to play with the op's son. Saying I like my own company and don't like to socialise doesn't NECESSARILY mean she is also going to enforce that policy on her child.
And before then the op had been saying she was busy to avoid playdates. So maybe she was taken at face value. She hadn't been clear at all.

supermoon100 · 04/08/2017 22:34

To all those who hate socialising with other human beings, be careful you don't end up as a sad old ladies with only a cat for company , mind you that may not happen either, as people who like other human beings tend to live longer happier lives

paxillin · 04/08/2017 22:52

I have lots of friends, as do most of the people who don't want a limpet, supermoon100. This is the reason I don't have to give in to a stalker so arrogant she thinks I mean yes when I say no. Of course most would say "I'm not so sociable today", because the truth would hurt more: "I love socialising, but I don't like you". So I pretend to be antisocial or else I'd have to say fuck off. OP tried the antisocial pretence, limpet didn't back off. So fuck off it was. A little crude perhaps, but clearly effective after 6 months of polite suffering.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/08/2017 22:55

If you consider having to make 2 mins polite conversation each day at the school gate (when you can be bothered to get there on time) as 'suffering' then maybe you should have considered that before deciding to have kids.

supermoon100 · 04/08/2017 22:55

There are ways of getting people to back off without being so rude. Classy swearing

Rayche1 · 04/08/2017 22:57

Jesus. This woman's dodged a bullet there Shock

paxillin · 04/08/2017 22:57

She tried. For 6 months. I can understand that classy goes out of the window after that.

Barbie222 · 04/08/2017 22:59

Should I go ahead and read the full 32 pages?
OP why don't you just stay in then people won't bother with you?

SerfTerf · 05/08/2017 00:07

I wouldn't bother @Barbie222**

Its reams of Mumsnet madness.