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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the idea of having a soul mate or someone being 'the one' is bollocks?

128 replies

BoysofMelody · 03/08/2017 10:32

I would preface this by saying that I'm happily married, but cringe when I hear someone describe their partner as 'the one' or their soulmate. Isn't it funny how someone's soulmate more often happens to live or work with or near them, generally be of a similar age, social class and a similar level of attractiveness etc. (although of course, people do marry across class and age boundaries) but funny how very few people's soulmate is an 83 year old Maori or whatever.

As I said, I'm happily married, but if things had panned out differently, I could have been equally happy with someone else.

AIBU to think we aren't 'destined' to be with our partners and could have equally happy lives with quite a few other people?

OP posts:
MTB133 · 03/08/2017 10:34

It's absolute nonsense but for some reason, women in particular like the concept of it.

Yanbu

NotAPuffin · 03/08/2017 10:35

I couldn't agree more.

Alicia555 · 03/08/2017 10:36

The one = the one that got there first!

HotelEuphoria · 03/08/2017 10:36

Totally agree with you OP. I believe there are a 1000 if not a million other people out there who could potentially have also been "the one".

Tootsiepops · 03/08/2017 10:36

It's a load of old shite.

PinkHeart5911 · 03/08/2017 10:37

I disagree

I don't believe any other man could make me feel like my dh can, He is the only man that has ever given me and electric feeling the moment I see him, he is the only man I have ever loved, I have never connected with anyone like i do him.

I don't believe for 1 second that I would love anyone else like I do dh

RockyBird · 03/08/2017 10:38

When someone mentions their soulmate I see it as a good indicator they are in a troubled relationship.

EmotionalTeaspoon · 03/08/2017 10:38

Ever seen this by Tim Minchin? So very very true (and I adore my DH, but I'm also realistic!)

MTB133 · 03/08/2017 10:38

So in a world of billions of men, where you haven't met 99.999999999999999999% of them, only one could do that Pink and you just happened to stumble across him?

Whatsername17 · 03/08/2017 10:38

Agreed. I love my dh, but it was a conscious choice to marry and make a life with him. At times, it's hard work too. He is special, but, if he left me tomorrow it wouldn't be because he isn't my soul mate, it would be because what was special between us isn't any longer. Hopefully, I'd find a connection with someone else.

Mari50 · 03/08/2017 10:40

Yes it is bullshit.
In a world of 8 billion it's amazing how most people meet their soulmate within a 20 radius.
That said it's nice that people meet someone they feel that connected to.

Birdsgottaf1y · 03/08/2017 10:42

Well my soulmate was a lot older than me and certainly didn't match me in looks or intelligence.

I was married 22 years and have been unmarried 12 years, now.

i've met lots of people who i haven't had anywhere near the strength of emotional attachment to.

Some people fall "in love" easily, i'm puzzled by them. Also the people who live with someone quickly, especially Women who have resident children. I'm not one of them.

You may have been happily married to anyone, but i wouldn't have been.

I know lots of other people who feel the same. They, like me have had lots of opportunities to be with someone and met lots of potential partners, but they've never had the same feelings for another person that they had with the Partner they have lost.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/08/2017 10:42

I don't think there's a 'one', but I don't think you can have a truly happy marriage with most people. I think there's a narrow field for that to happen.

Ringonrighthand · 03/08/2017 10:42

Totally agree!! No such thing as soul mates, or The One, just the one right now, that's all.

Original poster
BoysofMelody · 03/08/2017 10:43

When someone mentions their soulmate I see it as a good indicator they are in a troubled relationship

I agree and therefore they should put up with any amount of shitey behaviour they're the 'one' and no one else can make them happy. Until I'd read that I thought it was just annoying and blinkered, but it can be actively harmful, especially women who tend to subscribe the idea .

OP posts:
nina2b · 03/08/2017 10:45

It is just daft-speak.

Birdsgottaf1y · 03/08/2017 10:46

""In a world of 8 billion it's amazing how most people meet their soulmate within a 20 radius.""

But they don't they just shack up with someone for their own reasons, on here, it tends to be wanting children with someone who ticks enough boxes (by the sound of it), for others it's because they need to be in any relationship they can get.

For people to admit that would take a lot more personal recognition than those people are capable of admitting.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 10:47

So why are many people attracted to others if they have met the only person out of squillons on the entire planet who is " the one"?

peachlimeorange · 03/08/2017 10:51

I do often wonder if there is something in arranged (not forced) marriages.

garud · 03/08/2017 10:54

I was going to post the Tim Minchin song Grin.

I'm in two minds. I met DH at university and have been with him since I was 21. I fairly sure I could have had a happy life with someone else, but almost twenty years later I can't imagine starting again with someone else and having the same connection. If something happened to him/we broke up for some reason, I don't think I'd look for another relationship.

AccrualIntentions · 03/08/2017 10:55

Of course it's a load of crap. There are lots of ones.

I'm very happily married and can't imagine being so in love with anyone else. But it's completely naive to think that means he is the only person I could ever be in love with, I haven't met the others, because I didn't need to.

HiJenny35 · 03/08/2017 10:56

Kit Harington is my soul mate, defo, 100%, just got to track the sod down and make him agree. If that fails Hugh Jackman.

MsRinky · 03/08/2017 10:57

I think it's more like the 1% than The One. But, as the previous poster says, I'm in a very long term relationship that I simply couldn't replicate with anyone else, and don't think I would seek another relationship if this one ended.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 10:58

Or for many on this site - Tom Hardy!!!!!!!

JuicyStrawberry · 03/08/2017 11:09

My dp is my best friend and knows me better than anyone else. I don't call him my soulmate but I'm closer to him than to anyone else in my life.