Is it unreasonable to invite a (male) old school friend to my house when I am about to get married?

[ConfusedAndDistressed]

I've upset my husband-to-be very much tonight, and he is talking about leaving.

The problem is that an old school friend of mine came over at dinner time. He lives a long way from here, and always pops in for a few hours when he is down in this part of the country visiting his mother (about five times a year). He has four or five people that he visits in this way, some male and some female.

My husband-to-be is from a different culture, where men and women don't mix socially in the same way. He doesn't see this as a cultural difference, and thinks that I have shown him a lack of respect. He says that I deserve to be single all my life and that I am playing games with him.

I am confused and upset. He knew this friend was coming, we had talked about it and he said he didn't mind at all.

Just to be clear, I have known my old friend for over three decades and our relationship has always been that of old school friends. We share a lot of history together, and talked about people we both know, but did not exclude my partner from the conversation. I am confident there was no flirting going on - there never has been!

I don't think I am being unreasonable, but am almost hoping I am wrong. ..

Your husband to be needs to grow up.
And you need to ask yourself if you really want to marry a man who wants control over who you can and can't see.

Of course YANBU. Your husband to be sounds ridiculous and controlling. Who the hell does he think he is?

This sounds worrying OP. Have you spoken to him previously about his cultural differences wrt to socialising? You've done nothing wrong so don't feel bad but I think you need to rethink marrying him if I'm honest.

Your husband to be is being unreasonable. And if he's acting this way before the wedding, I dread to think how controlling he'll be once you're actually married.

This would be a red flag for me I'm afraid. Old friend today, him making trouble about you talking to male colleagues and shopkeepers and whatnot tomorrow

Not that it matters but it sounds like your DP was there when your friend visited?
Either way, this is just a taster of what's to come I'm afraid.

I'm afraid I just couldn't marry a man who had issues with me socialising with other men - before or after marriage.

Your husband to be needs to grow up and accept that men and women mix with each other.

I can see this being an issue after marriage. Will he also develop view that women stay at home, will any daughters you have be allowed to date etc?

YANBU, it is really concerning from your fiance. You need to think long and hard if you want to to marry him AND his culture, because this is potentially a nightmare in the making. He is showing that he is not compatible with the lifestyle and culture you are in and, I assume, you want to stay in.

He's set you up to fail though, by not minding if your friend visits until it happens and then deciding to take high offence.

Now you're confused and upset and are supposed to seek forgiveness. Then you'll be too anxious to ever do the same thing again and he gets to hold it over you as bad behaviour.

Be logical, all you did was see a friend, and not even alone. This is normal life and nothing to apologise for.

Please be careful OP. His cultural differences may mean that after marriage you might not be able to see your friend at all - even in the presence of your husband.

So he was there too? That's wierd to be upset over and very concerning... if he leaves you over it it may be a blessing in the long run

Do not marry this man, OP!

What is he like about male colleagues?

YANBU.
However, I suspect know the region your soon to be husband is from, and it is probably causing him much anguish.
You need to talk to him. Again. It is his change of attitude that is the most worrying to me.

I'm sorry but I couldn't marry this man.

Tell him to stick his culture up his hole. Respect is meant to be mutual.

I'd be cutting my losses and finding a partner who, if he had the misfortune to come from a misogynistic culture, at least interrogated its assumptions. Stop this relationship right in its tracks.

I would be reconsidering marrying him.

It's absolutely 100% fine to have male friends, both old friends and new friends who you will make. It sounds like future husband either does not trust you around blokes, or doesn't trust blokes around you.

A husband is meant to be a supportive life partner, threatening to leave you because you have male friends is completely unacceptable.

If your husband's culture-based expectation is that men and women should not see each other socially then you only have a limited set of choices: abide by his culture, get him to change his mind and adapt to your culture, or break up. Sorry, but his expectations are not in line with typical expectations in this country so you'd be hard pressed to find someone on MN who'll agree with him. But 50 strangers calling him unreasonable is also not likely to change his mind. The question for you to ask is if you can honestly live like this meeting his expectations for the rest of your life!

Do not marry him unless he changes his attitude.

Let him leave, you'll save yourself a lifetime of grief. It's all very well people saying he needs to grow up but this is not lack of maturity at play, it is the values he has ingrained to his core and he will not grow out of it.

It's bizarre and controlling behaviour. What are you going to? Can you honestly marry him knowing this is his attitude?

He is OBVIOUSLY being ridiculous. Maybe it's a good thing that this happened so you can see him for what he is.

What culture is he from OP?

Not being funny, but I could never, in a million years, marry a man from a culture where women are controlled, and told what to do by men. I don't understand how any woman that didn't grow up in that culture can do it to be honest.

The fact you have posted at all, shows this man is not for you. As a previous poster said, he will not grow out of it, and he will not change, as he has been raised with opinions of women, and values, that belong in the 16th century.