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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children of the opposite sex in changing rooms

305 replies

Gatecrasher61 · 02/08/2017 17:20

OK - firstly I am not a parent (probably shouldn't be on here, but hey ho) so I am happy to be corrected.

Our local swimming pool has open changing rooms, no cubicles. I tend to go swimming after work, which is just before the kids swimming lessons. When the kids arrive, I am normally getting dressed in the changing room after my shower.

Often women come into the changing room with their sons who are between 8-11 and are often greeted with the sight of me starkers! Probably not a good sight as I am middle aged and a size 14 on a good day, but there is no where else to go!

Now I know that other women have complained about this but have been told that the Mums are not happy for their boys to go into the men's changing rooms are they are not able to dress themselves and also don't like them being there with male adults who are strangers.

I learnt to swim when I was six and a half. My Dad used to take me to a swimming club where I had lessons and I had to prove that I could get dry and change myself and also sort out my kit.

Now I realise that boys are different, but is it really appropriate for boys of that age to be in the women's room? Surely they should be able to dress themselves at the age of six or seven?

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 03/08/2017 09:35

I don't know, dd1 would be all folded clothes and organisation from an early age, dd2 still comes out with pants over her leggings, t-shirt inside out, soaking wet and having left half her stuff.....different strokes.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/08/2017 09:48

My dds have, 6&8, I don't think they're unusual. I wait outside the l ladies for them as it's packed in there with ten year old boys

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 09:52

My 8 year olds could always dress themselves and any younger siblings they needed to because I was busy with other children Confused

MTB133 · 03/08/2017 09:52

Just wondering when it became such an issue. We all started life naked. What made this change and why is it more prevalent in this country than say Germany. I wasn't having a go, just wondering why and when it became such an issue.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/08/2017 09:56

It's interesting how it's primarily boys who can't get changed. It's quicker and easier to get out of trunks than a one-piece plus short hair (usually) is so much easier. I think that the selfish people are the ones who prioritize their son's wishes over the dignity of girls who are the same age

Good question. I mean the girls have cross over backs and halter necks and long hair dripping down their backs. Swim hats to deal with yet they manage as even with cubicles you can't always all fit in so they have to do it on.their own

These kids are off to secondary school in a yr yet can't put a pair of trunks on Hmm

How do people with three or four children two of which are babies/toddlers ever leave the house if they are still having to dress the 8 -10 yr old boys too.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/08/2017 10:01

I find it a bit hyocritical that people get very het up about 'All men are not paedophiles', yet they won't let their 9-year-olds into men's change rooms.

If they get in and out with the minimum of fuss, what is going to happen? Why not teach them to handle themselves, instead of thinking that the solution is to invade women's spaces and make young girls uncomfortable?

Disclaimer: I'd say the same about a girl over 8 going into the men's.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/08/2017 10:02

(If it's about not being able to dress themselves, I give up. Hmm)

DressedCrab · 03/08/2017 10:07

They're still immature and, in some cases, in need of their mothers in an unfamiliar environment, like all children.

Then it's up to the mothers of such immature boys to find a way to help them that does not encroach on the rights of female children. Why do people not get that?

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/08/2017 10:10

And where are all the threads from dads?

Either no dad here ever takes their kids to swim/gym classes or they just get on with and it's the mum's with all.the changing room dramas.

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 10:12

Then it's up to the mothers of such immature boys to find a way to help them that does not encroach on the rights of female children. Why do people not get that?

Also where the hell are the fathers and what are they doing about it.

Flowers to the two posters who have already stated their DH's are deceased. I'm not even going to begin to pretend that I can imagine what that's like Sad

worridmum · 03/08/2017 10:17

All pools should have cubicals or family rooms as people with sen should be allowed to swim. If that means changing rooms need to shrink so be it.

My son is in a wheelchair and has asd but the only accessable / family cubical is in the womans changing room so sadly its ether i take my 11 year into the womans to access the disabled facilities or he doesnt get to swim which is one of the few things he can do and enjoys.

If it makes me selfish to wheel my son so he can use the pools only disabled facilities i am happy to be labeled selfish and when people have confronted me i told them to take it up with pool management putting the only disabled facilities within the female changing room

Namechangetempissue · 03/08/2017 10:17

I have no choice but to take my nine year old son into the changing room with me. He has SEN and can not manage on his own-we have actually tried and ended up with me having to ask a male lifeguard to go in and find him as he had become distracted and then worried about his clothes and wouldn't leave them. If he gets worried and panics he will also just run and I worry he will go straight out of the front doors into the car park. He wouldn't look out for traffic. I am as respectful as I can be to other women changing and we use a cubicle and quickly pass through. I don't know what else I can do really?!

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 10:20

Why do all the woman thinking it's acceptable to take their too old sons into the ladies because they have no other choice, not accompany their sons to the men's if they need assistance? Genuine question.

worridmum · 03/08/2017 10:20

And before anyone says this pool is the only one in traveling distance i have looked...

Caprianna · 03/08/2017 10:21

Where are the dads? My DH take our children to the gym, I am in charge of swimming. My DH did take my dd in with him up to 8 years old and he says there are lots of girls in the male changing rooms.

Ours is a private club with lots kf space so you can always find a private corner. I have never been to a public pool so could not comment if thats different.

TeenAndTween · 03/08/2017 10:22

Namechange I think it has already broadly been established that people are talking about NT kids. Plus you use a cubicle. So you are in the clear I think. Smile

Caprianna · 03/08/2017 10:23

Identifie, really a genuine question?
Because 8 year olds are aloud in female changing rooms and adult females are not aloud in male changing rooms.

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 10:25

I'm talking about over 8's which are not allowed in female changing rooms, but posters are still justifying taking them in.

WinchestersInATardis · 03/08/2017 10:28

They're still immature and, in some cases, in need of their mothers in an unfamiliar enviroment
Gosh, I wonder how that happens?
(Excluding special needs of course).

Gosh, I dont wonder at all. They're immature because they are children.
Plenty of girls would be the same about being nervous. However, they are more often allowed to be sensitive and nervous, when boys are told to grow up and get over it.

This idea that boys should somehow less nervous of going somewhere alone does no one any favours.
That said, I do agree that the majority of boys should be perfectly fine dressing on their own by 8. Not arguing about that but I would like posters to recognise that we're talking about boys not men.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/08/2017 10:30

Of course an adult female cant take an over 8 into the men's Confused

And nor could an adult make take an over 8 dd into the ladies.

Our pool is unisex with cubicles and 2 large family changing rooms plus a couple of disabled changing cubicles and disabled showers etc

If the cubicles are full though you have to either use the male group change or the female group change.

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 10:33

That's my point if it's obvious that the adult female is not allowed in the men's then why is it not equally obvious that the over 8 male is not allowed in the woman's Confused

noeffingidea · 03/08/2017 10:33

MTB well it was certainly an issue when I was at school in the 60's and 70's . Boys and girls got changed seperately and no one had a problem with that.
I don't really understand why you're bringing Germany into this. Nudity/naturism isn't really that popular in this country, even topless sunbathing (for women) never really caught on. Males and females generally prefer not to be naked in front of each other and that does tend to start quite young, unsurprisingly as the age of puberty is dropping.

demirose87 · 03/08/2017 10:33

Weyhay, that's exactly why I wouldn't take him in a women's changing room. Because I do not want to expose him to naked strangers and from the other side of it, I myself would not be comfortable being completely naked in front of someone else's child, or even another adult. I personally wouldn't use a pool that didn't have individual cubicles and I'm sure others would feel the same. I'd find another pool if the only option was to take him in there with me. He's at an age where he wants his privacy.

Spikeyball · 03/08/2017 10:34

An accompanied older boy will not pose the same risk as an adult male. It will still cause considerable discomfort though which is why it isn't reasonable in a changing room. I do take mine (entirely accompanied including in the cubicle) into the women's toilet if there is no alternative but I wouldn't into a changing room.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/08/2017 10:34

We have this but the other way round.

Dd is 7. Dh takes her and her brother to swimming lessons. The rules are 8 and over in the correct sex changing cubicles. So we have 6 months to come up with a solution.

Dd can get changed herself. She can deal with her long hair herself. She can even help get her brother changed.

What she can't do is open the bloody door. It is a fire door and obviously excellent at preventing the spread of fire. But it is really really heavy. I have to pull hard to open it.

I think me and Dh are going to have to swap our work days round so I can take them in order to make it work which seems ridiculous and actually is just kicking the can down the road 3 years until ds gets to 8.

I have to admit I can't help wondering why a swimming pool needs such a good fire door. Are swimming pools really a high risk fire area? What with all the water and everything.