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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children of the opposite sex in changing rooms

305 replies

Gatecrasher61 · 02/08/2017 17:20

OK - firstly I am not a parent (probably shouldn't be on here, but hey ho) so I am happy to be corrected.

Our local swimming pool has open changing rooms, no cubicles. I tend to go swimming after work, which is just before the kids swimming lessons. When the kids arrive, I am normally getting dressed in the changing room after my shower.

Often women come into the changing room with their sons who are between 8-11 and are often greeted with the sight of me starkers! Probably not a good sight as I am middle aged and a size 14 on a good day, but there is no where else to go!

Now I know that other women have complained about this but have been told that the Mums are not happy for their boys to go into the men's changing rooms are they are not able to dress themselves and also don't like them being there with male adults who are strangers.

I learnt to swim when I was six and a half. My Dad used to take me to a swimming club where I had lessons and I had to prove that I could get dry and change myself and also sort out my kit.

Now I realise that boys are different, but is it really appropriate for boys of that age to be in the women's room? Surely they should be able to dress themselves at the age of six or seven?

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMammaries · 03/08/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imamouseduh · 03/08/2017 08:03

I can't believe how many people on here say you shouldn't be naked in a changing room when these threads come up. You are a bunch of odd ones, honestly.

DressedCrab · 03/08/2017 08:05

It's your job as a parent to make him self-sufficient and if he isn't then he shouldn't be going swimming

This sums it up. So many selfish mothers of sons who think it's ok to trample on the rights of female children to privacy. A dreadful way to bring up male children.

Identifiesaspissedoff · 03/08/2017 08:05

With regards to the Iceland thing is there culturally less risk of small children being assaulted there, or less perceived risk? Again whole other thread.

hazeyjane · 03/08/2017 08:07

In Iceland it is single sex changing and showering - the strict pre swim showering is naked though (but still single sex).......although a friend said that a lot now have curtained off showers available.

noeffingidea · 03/08/2017 08:14

fanjo I used to get the bus and go swimming on my own at 9. Parents never went swimming with their kids at that age, you would have been laughed at. My eldest used to go swimming with his mates at 8 or 9, and that was only 20 years ago.
When did the need for constant supervision start?

notgivingin789 · 03/08/2017 08:14

This is a problem too. My DS is 7 but has SEN, he can get dressed on his own but is easily distracted !!!!! There is also no family changing cubicles in the swimming centre we go too.

What do you do if your a single parent with a child who is of the opposite sex ? How do you get a child to transition to get changed in the men's by themselves ?

When DS goes swimming, he gets changed by himself in the cubicle and I put a timer on his watch (as he gets easily distracted and takes a long time to get changed). Should I wait outside the Men's and shout out for DS ? Can I even go in ???

DS does have SEN but I know he is capable to do this... it's just finding the appropriate approach how to do this as would really love some tips.

WinchestersInATardis · 03/08/2017 08:22

So many selfish mothers of sons who think it's ok to trample on the rights of female children to privacy. A dreadful way to bring up male children.
Nonsense. No one thinks it's okay to trample on the rights of female children.
Most of us mothers of sons are being very careful to raise them to be a respectful and considerate generation of men.
I would however like to point out that male children are children too. Some of the posters on this thread are practically equating them with men. They're not. They're still immature and, in some cases, in need of their mothers in an unfamiliar environment, like all children.

MTB133 · 03/08/2017 08:28

I wonder when being naked became such a taboo.

An 11 yr old? Are you sure? Surely an 11 year old can dry and dress themselves?

iloveruby · 03/08/2017 08:30

Winchester - is is absolutely fine if your 8+ male child needs help getting changed etc but it is your responsibility to find a way to manage that which doesn't involve taking them into the female changing rooms.

noeffingidea · 03/08/2017 08:32

They're still immature and, in some cases, in need of their mothers in an unfamiliar enviroment .
Gosh, I wonder how that happens ?
(Excluding special needs of course).

iloveruby · 03/08/2017 08:32

MTB133 - being naked isn't a taboo but surely we should support girls / women who don't want to be naked in front of males?

Having boundaries isn't the and as equating something as taboo.

iloveruby · 03/08/2017 08:35

Sorry- having boundaries about who sees you naked isn't the same as equating something as taboo.

GirlInterruptedOftenByKids · 03/08/2017 08:38

I have an 8yo boy. The pools round here are all unisex changing so I go with him when he has swimming lessons but am trying to let him do as much of the process as possible. He's just about old enough to cope. It's not so much the actual changing as the being responsible for where all his stuff is, not losing his locker pound, not dropping his pants in a puddle when he's carrying his clothes to the locker, not taking too long in the shower when other people are waiting! I daresay a more sensible 8yo than mine would manage this no hassle but we're only just there. I'm aware he'll be swimming with school come Sept (Year 4) so need him to be as independent as possible

eyebrowsonfleek · 03/08/2017 08:42

7-8 (year 3) is a common age for schools to have boys and girls changing separately. I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be being at a school where a classmate has seen you naked at the age of 7+ (male or female)

I am a parent of sons and a daughter but when do my beautiful sons become potential abusers? My oldest is 16 (and obviously changes in the men's 😂) - do you see him as a potential rapist yet? If so, when does my 10 year old son become one? Hmm How do you feel about people looking at your older son and thinking potential paedo?

It's interesting how it's primarily boys who can't get changed. It's quicker and easier to get out of trunks than a one-piece plus short hair (usually) is so much easier. I think that the selfish people are the ones who prioritize their son's wishes over the dignity of girls who are the same age.
As an adult you wouldn't want to get changed in the same area as an opposite sex colleague even if they were respectful and not looking. It's not Victorian attitudes- we live in a hyper sexualised society where magazines put red circles around imperfect body parts and women who make money from their looks use filters and photoshop to look even better. These images are seen by 10 year olds (on the cover of magazines at the supermarket checkout, images of their favourite celebrities on the Internet etc)

noeffingidea · 03/08/2017 08:42

MTB getting naked in a same sex enviroment isn't a taboo. Getting naked in front of people of the opposite sex is a taboo over a certain age, and that's where puberty starts. 8 is a good cut off point here as it's quite common for girls to start developing breast buds and pubic hair at this point.
If you're happy with your opposite sex peers seeing you naked then fine. Many of us aren't. That's probably why naturism isn't that popular.

hazeyjane · 03/08/2017 08:42

In ds's school they go swimming from year 1!! The changing rooms are chaos, but they learn pretty quickly!! (fortunately ds is in a cubicle with his TA!)

woodhill · 03/08/2017 08:47

In the 70s at our pool we used to have an attendant in changing room and you gave them your stuff in a basket in return for a safety pin thing. Doubt that exists anymore but at least there was someone around. There were private cubicles plus large room to change.

noeffingidea · 03/08/2017 08:49

woodhill that was exactly the set up at my pool.

Caprianna · 03/08/2017 08:52

I don't think the issue is that biys cannot get dress. My ds didn't feel confident using the locker and the showers and felt it safer with me at that agr.

Re Iceland. I am not Icelandic but from another Nordic country. Naked showering is common and of course saunas. In my local swimming pool at home young boys come in with their mums. It is alsl common to see children up to the age of 6-7 naked on beaches. Its just a complete different attitude to nakedness.

woodhill · 03/08/2017 09:03

Built on an old family estate and grey changing rooms?

Natsku · 03/08/2017 09:04

I'm in Finland and pools here don't have cubicles (never been to a pool here with any at least) and the age cut off is 7 or 8 . Naked showers are mandatory and they're open showers not curtained off so would be pretty unacceptable for mums to bring in their older sons. There is always a disabled changing room for older children with additional needs to have an opposite sex adult with them.

They start swimming lessons in first grade (maybe even preschool in some areas) so children are already changing and showering (and going to the sauna) independently by the cut off so there's no excuse for nt children.

Genghi · 03/08/2017 09:11

@MTB - sincerely doubt you'd like your male colleagues to see you naked right? Same applies to school kids the same age.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/08/2017 09:17

It appears from this thread that there are quite a few (NT) 8 year old boys incapable of doing tasks that 8 year old girls have been doing easily for years. Finding lockers, getting showered, not losing their stuff etc.
Why are the so far behind?
Is it still developmental or have they been babied?

Caprianna · 03/08/2017 09:29

Have all girls been doing this for years or is it just rarely an issue for girls as they tend to go with their mums? My DD used to go with my DH too. I never thought this was an issue until I have seen it on MN.

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