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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my manager in no uncertain terms to fucking stop

200 replies

Lagjet · 01/08/2017 23:33

Texting me the day or evening before I'm due back at work after a holiday just to say 'hope you've had a great time, just checking you are back in tomorrow'

I'm not a fucking child, I book my holidays with you and you put them in outlook, also I set my out of office with my return date so don't pretend you don't know when I'm coming back.

Ive worked there 26 years, her much, much less. Ive never, ever not gone back to work when I'm meant to but two years on the trot now she's done this.

It's not just checking I'm coming back in, it's a PA way of bringing me back down to earth and reminding that tomorrow I'll be back at her beck and call.

She's meant to be a 'friend' too but I know there's an undercurrent of something that she feels the need to remind me where I am. There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.

So bloody annoying, Ive not replied. I'll go to work tomorrow as I'm meant to!!!

OP posts:

Madhatter24 · 03/08/2017 20:35

My goodness. If you get wound up with such a little thing like this, I can't imagine what the rest of your life is like. You must be such a difficult person to be around and people would probably watch what they say around you in case you got 'offended'. Just accept the text and move on. She's probably just being friendly. There's nothing wrong with what she did - you just seem very upright. YABU. xx

Geordie1944 · 03/08/2017 20:38

There's a bit of me thinks you seem to want to have something to grumble about. Why so thin-skinned? Is it because she is younger than you and got the job you thought should have been yours, perhaps?

Sara107 · 03/08/2017 21:08

I don't think it's ok for work to be contacting you outside of work, unless there's something urgent to be communicated.

Madhatter24 · 03/08/2017 21:27

That should be uptight not upright.

Ticketybootoo · 03/08/2017 21:29

Don't reply and keep all the mails she sends you - it borders on harrassment !

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 03/08/2017 21:38

This would annoy the shit out of me. YANBU.

Jamon · 03/08/2017 21:40

That would piss me off sooooooo much

SapphireStrange · 04/08/2017 19:30

YANBU. It's unnecessary and inappropriate. Block her number and talk to HR.

Worriedaboutsmear · 04/08/2017 20:04

"Jealous that you have kids" - do you know if she even wants kids or that is that another assumption.

I think that if this was any of your other colleagues, you wouldn't have batted an eyelid and would've cheerfully replied. It is obvious from your OP that your friendship is fake, you are cynical of her and you clearly don't like her. Which begs the question why on earth you have her on your Facebook. Her text sounds completely breezy and in now way PA, I actually think she's trying to be friendly. But little does she know that you don't like her

bbcessex · 04/08/2017 20:04

Sorry OP, I think you're totally over thinking this... texting the night before you come back, when you are friendly enough to be on FB etc, is fine.

And Beebee7. You're just odd!!! Your DHs boss... sorry, (female) boss! Sound perfectly normal. I think you maybe need a hobby.

Worriedaboutsmear · 04/08/2017 20:09

Sorry forgot to add.

I pity the people with the "your work life is your work life, she has not right to contact you outside your hours of 9 to 5". How sad and what an old fashioned perspective of working relationships. You spend more time during the week with the people that you work with. Having this attitude that after the hour of 5pm they must not contact you, is ludicrous. I agree with a previous poster, people with that sort of view are the people who don't get promoted and don't make good employees

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 04/08/2017 21:52

Could be true, I have my own business so don't have to put up with annoying shit like this, thank god. I hate hate hate being micromanaged.

PigletJohn · 04/08/2017 22:40

I pity the people who lie on their deathbed croaking "I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Flyingovertheocean · 04/08/2017 22:47

Really op? If she's a friend as well, isn't it nice to ask if you've had a nice holiday? and sounds like she's just checking she has the dates right re: when she'll see u again. What's the issue??

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 04/08/2017 23:15

Try this:- if she's going holiday, text (@ about 5am) and remind her that she has so many days left before she's back in work.

paxillin · 04/08/2017 23:29

Try this:- if she's going holiday, text (@ about 5am) and remind her that she has so many days left before she's back in work.

Yes, and don't fail to send a daily countdown til worktime!

whippetwoman · 04/08/2017 23:53

It's don't think it was the OP who said she was jealous that she had kids. That was another poster talking about their boss

Kathsmum · 05/08/2017 11:28

I deleted the work email app on phone at the start off hols. Lovely. 'Might' check them the night before.

user1498921160 · 07/08/2017 12:13

I don't really see anything wrong with that. Maybe mildly irritating but it's not as if she's ringing you during your holidays to ask you where a file is or somesuch.

I'm in a situation, which I've started a thread about, where my Manager hasn't bothered to make contact regarding a significant change in my working arrangements, but has sent an email around to everyone at work informing them of the new arrangement, leaving me to find out via 3rd hand texts from junior colleagues when I should have been the first person to have been informed.

I think I would prefer to have your Manager!

YorkieDorkie · 07/08/2017 12:18

Don't reply, that would annoy the crap out of me too.

Anatidae · 07/08/2017 12:35

Having your manager on Facebook is not a good idea.

Ditto them having your phone no.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/08/2017 22:23

Did you mention this when you went back into work OP?

Comedyboobs · 08/08/2017 04:36

OP forgot she was due back at work

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/08/2017 08:10

Comedy -

Skarossinkplunger · 08/08/2017 08:24

I was going to say it's all about the context of your relationship. If I got that text from
my boss ( and it is the sort of thing she would write) I would know there's no malice and she was just being friendly but only you really know the context.

Then you made the remark about her being jealous because you have kids. That makes me think the issue is yours.

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