To tell my manager in no uncertain terms to fucking stop

[Lagjet]

Texting me the day or evening before I'm due back at work after a holiday just to say 'hope you've had a great time, just checking you are back in tomorrow'

I'm not a fucking child, I book my holidays with you and you put them in outlook, also I set my out of office with my return date so don't pretend you don't know when I'm coming back.

Ive worked there 26 years, her much, much less. Ive never, ever not gone back to work when I'm meant to but two years on the trot now she's done this.

It's not just checking I'm coming back in, it's a PA way of bringing me back down to earth and reminding that tomorrow I'll be back at her beck and call.

She's meant to be a 'friend' too but I know there's an undercurrent of something that she feels the need to remind me where I am. There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.

So bloody annoying, Ive not replied. I'll go to work tomorrow as I'm meant to!!!

It's really not a big deal.

Ugh, that's awful. No boundaries!

Yes, irritating, but there are a lot of people like that in management.

However, by starting a thread you have escalated a minor irritation, which you could have dealt with in less than a minute by sending a short reply such as 'Yes thanks, see you tomorrow', into something much bigger and more sinister.

I honestly doubt that she was trying to spoil the last few hours of your holiday, because you have kids and she doesn't. Are you sure you aren't jealous of her more senior role in the company?

I think it's nice, to be honest. Evidence that you're being missed rather than checking up on you. My old boss used to do it and she wasn't jealous of me. My current boss doesn't but that he's because he's a disorganised mess lol

I'd probably reply with something light hearted and bordering on a little cheeky, like oh it's just as well you know my diary better than me, I'd nearly forgotten!!

I understand why you're irritated. Breeze into work as if it's great to be back after such a refreshing holiday and as if you've got this whole work life balance thing sorted, and she'll probably be even more irritated than you.

You've blurred the boundaries too much. You shouldn't be friends with your boss on FB and she shouldn't be texting you. My boss has never texted me in four years! Why would she?

Judging by the responses some people wouldn't be bothered by this at all and would find it normal - I work for a small charity and, because of the nature of our work it's not unheard of to get a quick text while on holiday. However this would bug me - quick emergency text is one thing, this seems unnecessary and beings you back to "work mode" too soon. Have you asked her to stop it? If she's not normally annoying like this then she might think she's just being friendly.

While there isn't actually anything wrong with what she's doing I'd be a bit pissed off in your shoes. Depends if she is generally ok as a manager I suppose.

I wouldn't be bothered of my manager did this but we get on great, have a great working relationship and are friends on FB, text each other at weekend if something's made one of us laugh etc.

For those saying it's a nice thing, I think it very much depends on the relationship you have with her. If my old boss had sent a text like this it would have been completely normal and I'd have thought she was being thoughtful, but we got on really well and still are in regular contact even though she has now left the company. If my current boss sent the same text I'd feel just as irritated as you and it would probably ruin the last few hours of my holiday frame of mind as I'd be wondering about what disaster he's about to throw my direction to sort out when I walk in the door!

She's meant to be a friend.

Sounds like she's just trying to be friendly if she wasn't a friend I would think it odd but she is

I agree with you OP. Irritating and unnecessary. Outside company time (barring an emergency), she should not be contacting you at all.

It is honestly not that bad. It is annoying though but I'd just ignore it.

Part of management is the ability to deal with problems WHEN they arise.

The OP has not yet failed to return to work, so no problem has arisen.
Ergo, the management have nothing to worry about.

Getting stressy (the manager) in advance of something that has not happened (and is not likely to) is a mark of weakness in my view.

I would not be bothered by this at all. It wouldn't cross my mind to be annoyed. But my manager is so awful, demoralising, patronising and just fucking mean on a daily basis that maybe I've lost sight of what's ok.

Sorry, don't mean to play 'my manager is worse than your manager'

That would irritate me too. It's not a huge deal but it would still irritate me.

I had a boss once who micromanaged to the extent that she would demand to look at my notebook to see what I had written down, and check my outlook to check that I had diarised everything. I did not have a history of forgetting to do things...

Micromanaging is a form of workplace bullying. Although if the text is her only offence then it's not really on that scale obviously.

My boss - who is otherwise great - texts me during leave to ask me to do overtime when I get back. Every single time.

It's because there is nobody to cover me so the work builds up, and in truth I love my job and I can always use the money, but ugh! Bugger off! I'm on holiday!

He will also arbitrarily emai me at work 'don't forget to (x thing I have never forgotten about and which nobody bothered to do before I started)' which makes me roll my eyes a lot.

But our working relationship is otherwise great and so I can let these things go. Sounds like your boss gets on your wick a lot so the little things seem much worse than they would otherwise be.

Part of management is the ability to deal with problems WHEN they arise.

Another part is preventing them. OP's manager might have a 9am meeting waiting for her. Who knows.

But to answer your actual question, yes, you'd always be unreasonable to swear at your manager. Behave professionally, even if she annoys you. Ask her not to text you if you don't like it, clearly, but politely.

You do realise that you have total control on how you respond to these texts? It is perfectly possible to ignore them. You can set your phone so that you can't see the text content on the lock screen, if that helps. I'm constantly amazed by how people tie themselves up in knots about texts when they really do have the power to NOT RESPOND. Maybe it's because I grew up when texts were not a thing.

ArgyMargy I agree 100%!

I manage too many people to have the time to do this but really can't see the problem with it.

"She's not commented or liked any post" seems to contradict your assertion that you aren't a child.

People who suggest "she can fuck off until the minute work starts" are often the people who a) don't get promotions b) expect others to bend over backwards to help them. She didn't ask the OP to prepare a presentation or anything else. She simply sent a message.

I think the issue is that the OP has been there a long time and resents someone with less time being senior.

Patronising and totally unnecessary. I'd ignore it too. In fact I would consider blocking her for the duration of my holiday.

I'd be tempted to reply "lovely, thanks. What's happening tomorrow?"

Let it go OP - it's probably nothing malicious.
Stop being a victim and ignore it if it bothers you.

It's not great management practice, but your reaction is OTT IMO. Perhaps you dislike other aspects of her behaviour too.

What do you mean you're "meant to be friends"? Having her on FB. If you have issues with her and dislike blurring work/home boundaries it might be best to adjust those boundaries with her.

Your and her length of service with your organisation isn't relevant: nor is your speculation that she envies you for having DC.