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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my manager in no uncertain terms to fucking stop

200 replies

Lagjet · 01/08/2017 23:33

Texting me the day or evening before I'm due back at work after a holiday just to say 'hope you've had a great time, just checking you are back in tomorrow'

I'm not a fucking child, I book my holidays with you and you put them in outlook, also I set my out of office with my return date so don't pretend you don't know when I'm coming back.

Ive worked there 26 years, her much, much less. Ive never, ever not gone back to work when I'm meant to but two years on the trot now she's done this.

It's not just checking I'm coming back in, it's a PA way of bringing me back down to earth and reminding that tomorrow I'll be back at her beck and call.

She's meant to be a 'friend' too but I know there's an undercurrent of something that she feels the need to remind me where I am. There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.

So bloody annoying, Ive not replied. I'll go to work tomorrow as I'm meant to!!!

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 12:34

This would seriously piss me off and is the reason why I requested a work phone so I can switch off at 5.30 p.m. and back on at 8.00 a.m. Prior to that I used to get calls at weekends or on holiday asking me to train someone over the phone to use our systems. My out of office would be on my emails, yet they still thought it acceptable to phone me knowing I was out of the country. Fuckers

It's not being childish and ridiculous to expect work not to contact you in your own time; OP isn't a child, she's aware she's due back at work and like she said in her OP, she's quite capable of letting work know if she won't be in.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 02/08/2017 12:37

YANBU. When I'm not at work I don't expect to be contacted unless it's an emergency, but then I work to live not live to work. It's important to have clear work/life boundaries so we can switch off properly (a counsellor advised me of that), and work switching me "on" during my leisure time is intrusive. Think of all the people who take work calls when they're supposed to be relaxing and switching off on holiday; it breaks the spell and they don't relax and recharge as well as they should. But unfortunately, OP, she's a friend and manager so no wonder the boundaries are blurred.

FreakinDeacon · 02/08/2017 12:43

I think it's totally unfair and unecessary. I manage 20 people and wouldn't dream of contacting them during their holiday including in the last few hours.

I had an annoying work/text situation a while back so I blocked the persons number for the duration of my leave and unblocekd it the day I went back.

When they queried it I just breezily said I had my phone a lot of the time off while on leave. The sheer anticipation of knowing the text would be coming wound me up even before it happened.

I don't blame you for being pissed off.

HorridHenryrule · 02/08/2017 14:25

Next time switch of your phone or change your number.

BurnThisDiscoDown · 02/08/2017 14:28

You know your manager - I had one that would phone or text when I was on annual leave because she was so disorganised she would forget when I was due back (despite it being written down and on the calendar), and another that insisted on us having the work whatsapp on all the time, and would text/phone on my days off as part of his control freakery. Either way it was annoying and unnecessary, and you know her intentions better than us.

paxillin · 02/08/2017 14:36

What a storm in a teacup! I think you're being very paranoid to assume she's doing it deliberately to ruin your holiday.

It is irrelevant if the manager is doing it to ruin the holiday. Fact is, it does ruin OP's holiday so it needs to stop.

peachgreen · 02/08/2017 14:40

How can one text ruin someone's holiday? Just ignore it!

ConspicuouslyInconspicuous · 02/08/2017 15:00

YANBU!

My manager used to do this, it drove me up the wall. They'd also message every Sunday eve to check if I was working from home on the monday - when it had been agreed a year prior that I would WFH every monday unless I explicitly said otherwise.

Ruined my last few hours of peace and relaxation and ensured I was wound up for the beginning of the week.

I had to have words in the end. Turns out it was all down to their anxiety and their need to control.

We still have issues with their micromanagement but at least the texts have ceased.

paxillin · 02/08/2017 16:34

I had two jobs that were characterised by micromanagement. Both featured non-emergency Sunday and Holiday emails and texts. One called me the day I gave birth. Both places were utterly rotten environments, one an outright bullying hierarchy, the other one on an intricate network of passive aggressive office politics. Productivity was low in both, work-to-rule common and absenteeism high, all resulting from this ill-treatment.

All my other workplaces have featured a productive environment built on trust and respect. They never called on a weekend.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/08/2017 16:42

It is irrelevant if the manager is doing it to ruin the holiday. Fact is, it does ruin OP's holiday so it needs to stop.

If one fairly non descript text ruins your holiday then I dread to think what you would do if something serious happened.

RaymondinaReddington · 02/08/2017 17:12

If you just ignore the texts she will stop sending them. It wouldn't bother me unless the texts were informing of some work drama or upheaval.

TipTopTipTopClop · 02/08/2017 17:35

I had two jobs that were characterised by micromanagement. Both featured non-emergency Sunday and Holiday emails and texts. One called me the day I gave birth. Both places were utterly rotten environments, one an outright bullying hierarchy, the other one on an intricate network of passive aggressive office politics. Productivity was low in both, work-to-rule common and absenteeism high, all resulting from this ill-treatment.

Sounds pretty bad, and not at all like the OP's situation.

paxillin · 02/08/2017 17:46

I agree it isn't like the OP's situation, but I think micro-managers tend to head in that direction given time. Often simply because they attract that sort of "talent" to their workplaces eventually.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/08/2017 18:55

"just because you've been there for 26 years doesn't mean you don't need managing. Please don't think that way. As a manager myself it's tiresome.
Book"

But this is going beyond managing someone isn't it?

Gwenhwyfar · 02/08/2017 19:01

"it is also ok to contact employees while on annual leave IF the company has been supplied with contact numbers and the employee hasn't expressed before that they dont want the company to do this (unless in the case of real emergency obvs). A friendly text after 19 days is not against any law - again context is everything."

It might not be illegal, but it's impolite isn't it. I've never told people I don't want them to contact me at 3am, yet they know it. As I mentioned before, I've always had no choice but to supply work with a contact number, for one thing I wouldn't be able to get the job offer without it as employers insist on doing this over the phone rather than email. This doesn't mean I want to be contacted at any time.

ForalltheSaints · 02/08/2017 19:07

We may feel that it is OK if we were to receive such a message, but the OP does not. I think the OP could reasonably consider it to be harassment, and would be justified in complaining of such if it persists.

If the building was closed, or had been on fire, and the OPs normal place of work was unavailable, then maybe I would consider it justified, but in this case it was not.

LeakyLittleBoat · 02/08/2017 19:15

Gewnhwyfar I agree. This isn't managing, this is micromanaging and managers prone to micromanaging I've found are either very insecure/inexperienced re their own skills/authority or just controlling assholes.
And I'd say if someone had been at a place for 26 years, as a manager myself I would expect that person to NOT need managing, I'd do them the courtesy of believing them to know what their job was after all that time and to be able to get on with doing it without having to be constantly overlooked, given instructions and direction.

GahBuggerit · 02/08/2017 19:17

Well quite, a 3am text could be consdered as unreasonable contact. Obviously. Again though, context, a text at 3am to inform the workforce that the building has burnt down so they are to go to another location would be reasonable in the circumstances.

One text after an extended absence to 'welcme back' (even if op seems to think there is more to it) is reasonable, whether it's impolite is down to the individual, many people wouldn't mind this and would ether reply or ignore

Maelstrop · 02/08/2017 21:49

I've never heard of anyone being babied in this manner you brought on yourself by being friends and FB buddies

Totally agree. Why is your manager on your FB? None of my colleagues are on there and none of them would dream of disturbing me on holiday. I also wouldn't message any of mine to remind them to come to work, how fucking ridiculous!

I would do a very serious face tomorrow, OP and tell her that you do not wish her to contact you when you are on leave, particularly as you both know you will be returning to work.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 22:53

And I'd say if someone had been at a place for 26 years, as a manager myself I would expect that person to NOT need managing

If someone has been there for 26 years and has not become the manager in all that time, I would absolutely expect them be need managing!

Botanicbaby · 02/08/2017 23:07

Sounds like the lines between work and friendship are blurred. I don't think its a good idea to have your manager/colleague as an FB friend. Nor do I think its sensible to put xxx's on the end of a message if you are a manager communicating with a member of your team.

It's not too late to put boundaries in place OP. I would ask your manager not to contact you on your personal phone unless for emergency purposes (so that rules out texting).

I agree that whether you've been there 6 months, 6 years or 26 years is neither here nor there - of course you are capable of returning to work on the agreed date.

I also think its quite mean to insinuate that someone who has worked in the same organisation for 26 years and has not become a manager yet 'needs managing'. There could be a myriad of reasons why that person isn't in a managerial role - by choice, moving sideways, working in a specialist role with no scope to manage others or staying in a role with hours to suit their lifestyle.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 23:19

It's not mean, it's merely an observation. As I wrote earlier, some long-timers are a fantastic asset for a company. Unfortunately, others are a pain in the backside, thinking they know it all, are better than their newly arrived - and younger - boss, refuse to improve and change. Sometimes you wonder why they are still there.

The spiteful comments from the OP about her boss being there for less time and not having kids make me think she goes into the second category. Just a wild guess.

Botanicbaby · 03/08/2017 00:05

coddiwomple ah I see what you mean now about the comments from OP on whether the manager has children or not... somehow I missed that before.

Yep, your observation could be correct in that case!

starfishmummy · 03/08/2017 17:43

I no longer work but there was a reason why I told my office that I didn't have a mobile....

Crazyunicornlady · 03/08/2017 17:51

She sent one text ffs, she's jealous of you?wants to put you in your place? I'm glad you're not my PA!